Pursuit of Happiness
by whitetyger123
Summary: After the war, an American soldier comes back with a concentration camp prisoner. But can his devotion bring the troubled man back from the past? RP, written by me and schoolgirl-cheesesculpture. Rated M for language, mature content, and yaoi.
1. Chapter 1

Alfred wanted to close his eyes. To block out all the horrible images, to erase them from his memory. But this was a dangerous time, so he couldn't very well keep his eyes closed and risk getting shot by a Nazi that was hiding somewhere.

The gun was heavy in his hands, because he had been carrying it for hours. Everyone else was in the same daze he was, all looking at the human bodies that covered the place. Also, the prisoners that were still alive looked as if they would keel over in a second. They had won, but it didn't feel like it, considering the sheer number of casualties. The Jews were making their way out of the camp, and somehow try to get their lives back. The war had just fucked so much stuff up, everything was in ruins.

He wasn't sure what made him pay attention to this one prisoner. Perhaps it was because for the past few months he had seen only death and pain, and this man's face looked strangely like an angel. His hair hung limp and lifeless, his cheeks hollowed out, and his eyes sunk into his skull. But it was obvious he was a beauty, even starved as he was.

When the man walked in front of Alfred, he stumbled. Out of instinct, he reached out and caught him so he didn't fall. The blond man looked up at him, his dark blue eyes holding a strange fear, yet grateful at the same time. Without a word, he righted himself, walking on, even with his slight limp.

Looking around, Alfred saw that there were no other soldiers near. So, he ran after the man, unable to let him go. "Hey wait!" When the blond turned slowly around, he tried to think of something to say. "Um... do you need help finding your family?"

"I already know where they are, thank you sir." The blond answered quietly, bowing his head slightly. He didn't need the strangers help, not after everything he and his people did for them.

"Oh..." Alfred said, not sure what the emotion was in his eyes when he said that. "Well, that's good, I guess. You can like find them easy, and stuff." But shouldn't he be happy at that? If the man could find his family, then surely he would be smiling... unless... "Oh God, they are... they aren't... are they?"

Nodding passively, he continued to limp along with the rest of the liberated people. There was nothing they could do to help his family, not after the gas chambers. He was lucky, since he became one of the guards favourites.

Taking a shaky breath, the American followed him. "Um, you wanna come back to our camp? We have... doctors. That can take care of you." Because of the limp, and also Alfred could see a small drizzle of blood on the prisoner's ankle that showed under the pants that were too short for him.

"It's ok sir, I couldn't ask more of you and your people." Not after risking their own lives to save them. He had heard wind of other camps being saved by other Americans, Russians, and the like. The Allies was what they called themselves.

Not being able to let the blond man go, Alfred pressed on. "Look, they say I'm a war hero. How can I let them say that if I let you leave, when you're obviously hurt?" He grabbed the man's wrist, appalled at how thin it was. His fingers touched the bottom of his thumb! "I'm Alfred."

"How is war heroic?" He asked cryptically, stopping his slow pace. "My name is Matthew sir. Thank you for everything. There are many good people that passed on who should be here instead of me."

What Matthew had said caught Alfred by surprise. It was true, war really wasn't heroic at all. It was simply murder, on a mass scale. But he forced himself to not dwell on it, and instead took in what he had said next. "I think you owe those good people to take care of yourself, and let us take care of you."

Matthew nodded as they continued to walk through the destroyed landscape. He had no idea why Alfred decided to help him, but he couldn't help but hope it wouldn't be the same as why they liked him in the camp. A half hour later and he could see a city of tents with people running about between them. "Is this where we stop sir?" He asked, hoping it wouldn't be out of his place to ask.

"I said my name was Alfred. Stop with all that 'sir' stuff." They got closer, and the American started heading to where the temporary hospital was set up. Luckily his friend was one of the doctors, so even if they were busy, he could probably get him to take a look at Matthew.

"Yes si- Alfred." Matthew mumbled, not wanting to upset him. "If I might be so bold, I would be ok with somewhere to sleep and maybe a bit of water if there is any to spare." He didn't need a doctor. Many other people were on the verge of death.

"I know you're hurt. What happened, by the way?" Of course he wanted to know. Even if he had just met this guy, he had now taken responsibility for him. He would see this through to the end, no matter what.

Ignoring the question, Matthew just kept walking. "I could go to the hospital myself, if you just point me to the direction."

Alfred knew this was true, yet he felt he needed to see that Matthew was taken care of, no matter what. Perhaps it was his engulfing beauty, or it could be his eyes that held such stories that would cripple most people. "So will you have a home to go to?" Even if there wouldn't be anyone there.

"No, my town was destroyed by a bomb." He didn't want the American man to pity him, since he was always one of the ones that had the easiest time in the camps. Occasionally he would get a little extra food or a bed to sleep on.

Hardly able to comprehend the horrors of Matthew's past, Alfred opened the rudimentary flap door to the hospital tent. What could he possibly do with his life now? This stupid war had stolen so much from him.

Going in shyly behind the man who was helping him, Mathew couldn't look at everyone. When the guards had started to take an interest in him, the other prisoners eventually hated him and then eventually ignored him. "Maybe this isn't a good idea sir. I know people who can see the doctor before me."

"Didn't I tell you not to call me sir?" Alfred said with a small laugh. Over the past few months, he had learnt to find humour in anything he could, because there wasn't much to go around. "Hey doc. He's hurt." He said simply, pointing to Matthew.

"I would think that if you were here with someone it would either be you or them." The doctor joked. "What is you name? I'm Dr. Hughes."

"Matthew." He mumbled again, bowing his head to the man. It was hard to stop himself from not trusting him, but if he wasn't a Nazi it would probably be ok.

Alfred smiled, glad Matthew would be getting help. "He won't tell me what's wrong with him, but I'm sure you can help." He patted him on the shoulder. "I'll be outside. Come get me when you're done.

"Sure will do Jones." He said. "Now Matthew, if you would please come and lay on this bed..."

Following his orders, the bedraggled blond couldn't help but think of all the people who had died before they could get help. Not only his family, but the countless others as well.

Leaving the room filled with painful moans, Alfred gave a sigh. This day had just been filled with death, to end with him actually helping someone was nice. Another thing that until now was pushed to the back of his thoughts was the fact that he would be going home in a couple weeks. But that wouldn't solve Matthew's problems... Or could it?

About a half hour of inspecting and diagnosing later, the doctor went out of the tent and saw Al sitting down on a small crate. "After looking at him, I can say he is better off than the majority of people here, but there are still a few things he should get attended when he gets to a proper hospital here."

Nodding, Alfred rubbed his face, waking himself up. "Saying he is better off than the others isn't really saying much. What was it?"

"Does he have a family here, or do you know where he will be staying? It would be best for him to be around people he knows after all the emotional pain he must have gone through. He's already sleeping on the cot I examined him on."

Taking a breath, Alfred leaned back. "He said his family is dead and his home destroyed." He took a second, bracing himself for what he was about to say. "I'm thinking of maybe taking him with me."

Putting a hand on Alfred's shoulder, the doctor frowned. "That probably isn't the best idea. You might think it will help and it would, but there is a high chance he will never truly trust you. You weren't the only one to notice how beautiful he is."

Turning his head, Alfred lifted an eyebrow. "What the hell are you talking about?" Unfortunately, his friend obviously knew him too well to have guessed how he felt about Matthew.

"He had a lot of cuts on his back and thighs along with the apparent starvation. None of the marks were on his face, but he does have a number of deep bruises on his hips, arms and thighs both fresh and old...." Seeing Alfred frown, he sighed. "Matthew was bleeding from his torn anus. The only thing I could think of that would cause that... Is if someone raped him, and by the damage they were quite large. Dammit Al, there stuff was still inside him, so it just happened too."

Letting out a breath, Alfred couldn't believe it. "Raped? No... No not possible. He's a guy!" He shook his head, not wanting to even think about it. He was raped just before they got there? If only they had been a little faster...

"Women aren't the only ones who get raped. Judging by the tears, it had happened many times before. It is a terrible thing, but anything during war has that potential." Giving his shoulder a pat, the doctor sighed. "Get some rest Jones. You won't be saving anyone if you're half asleep."

Appalled at what was done to that poor boy, Alfred gave a sigh. "Alright. When he wakes up, make sure he doesn't try to leave." Because it seemed like something he would do, not wanting to cause anyone any problems.

"I can try, but I need to take care of many more patients. I'll try to have a nurse check up on him frequently if that's what you want."

Thinking for a second, Alfred stood up. "Actually, is there a spare bed? Or even just some room on the floor beside him." He didn't really want to leave him. After all Matthew had been through, he deserved someone looking after him.

Shaking his head, the doctor didn't want to stop Al from being so hopeful, but it had to be done. "I'm sorry Jones. There isn't a bed left, and if you were to sleep on the floor I would be nervous of someone stepping on you. He will be fine, I promise."

"Damn. Fine, I guess as long as I'm woken up when he does it will be fine." He rubbed his eyes, thinking about the last time he had slept. It had been so long ago, exhaustion was starting to take him. "Thanks for doing this."

"It's my job, but thanks for the praise. He's one of the luckier ones, if you can call any of them lucky." With that, the doctor turned back into the tent to continue with his job.

Running a hand through his hair, Alfred gave one last look at the tent before heading to his own. They would probably have to go through a lot of paperwork to get Matthew to America, but it could be done. His house wasn't huge, but he did have a spare room.


	2. Chapter 2

Matthew wasn't sure how long he had been asleep for, but when he heard voices around him he quickly jumped awake. Finding himself in the hospital tent still, he allowed himself to calm down slightly before resting again. The cloth he had been dressed in was unusually soft against his skin and Matt felt undeserving of all this special treatment. He didn't want others hating him again.

"Oh, you're awake now?" One of the many nurses said, stopping at Matthew's cot. "Dr. Hughes said to tell you to find Mr. Jones when you were ok to walk. Would you like some help finding him?"

"No, it's ok ma'am. I wouldn't want to inconvenience you." He mumbled, standing up shakily from the bed. Nodding, he went out of the tent and rubbed his eyes. Everything was blurry, but he was used to it by now.

Alfred gave a yawn, eyes opening slowly. He looked out of his tent, seeing the sunlight. He was still tired, but had probably had a few hour sleep, so would be fine for a while more. Standing up, he went outside, his dog tags sticking to his skin. He must have slept on them again.

Suddenly remembering Matthew, Alfred made his way off to the medical tent.

Seeing Alfred, Matthew tried to get closer to him but didn't until they were back at the entrance for the hospital. "Hello Mr. Jones. A nurse told me you wanted to see me..." He remembered the nurse calling him that, and he felt more comfortable treating him with respect.

Smiling, Alfred turned around. "Well, you look like you're feeling better. But why are you calling me that?" He had gotten used to it from his fellow soldiers, but Matthew didn't have to call him that.

"I am only being polite Mr. Jones, since I am unable to call you sir." Clasping his hands in front of him, Matthew kept his head bowed. These were nice people so far, but he didn't want to press it. If he stayed polite, he would stay alive; even if he had to use his body again.

"Trust me, it's awkward when you call me that. Just Al is fine." He smiled, putting his arm around Matthew's shoulders. "Let's get some food. It tastes like shit but it's better than nothing." As soon as it was out of his mouth, the American regretted saying it. It was obvious the blond had been starved, so saying that might have made him feel bad.

Opposed to Alfred's thoughts, the part that had Matthew's heart racing wasn't the idea of eating but instead the arm across his shoulders. He was pretty sure he wouldn't do anything to him, but it was hard to break his habit to keep himself alive. "It's ok... Al." He mumbled, trying it out on his tongue. "I'm not very hungry anyways." As long as he didn't show his weakness, then maybe it wouldn't be exploited like before.

Suddenly realizing the implications of his touch, Alfred took his arm off. He hadn't thought anything of it, because they were both men, but obviously that didn't matter considering all that had happened. "Come on, it tastes bad but it's still food."

Matthew nodded. "If it will make you happy." It seemed like Alfred was looked up to, so it wouldn't be the best idea to have him upset when he could probably take whatever he wanted.

Glad that Matthew would actually be eating something, the American lead him to the cafeteria. "Just take what you want. It's all fine." They both grabbed trays and started on the food.

Watching what the American took, Matthew followed behind taking a tiny bit of the same things. He wasn't sure how many people had to eat, so he didn't want to take too much. Limping over to the table, he sat across from the man who had a strange interest in him.

Digging in, Alfred forced the bad tasting food down. He glanced over to Matthew, who was nibbling at his food. You would think that after being starved he would want to pig out.

Despite having as much food as he wanted, Matthew knew that if he ate too fast he would get sick. Plus, he could tell Alfred was watching him. "I'm sorry Alfred, I'm just not that hungry."

Smiling, Alfred nodded. Well, even with the small amount he had just eaten, it was probably more than he had eaten in a while. "That's fine. So what are you gonna do now?"

That was a question he didn't have an answer for yet. "I'm not sure si-...." Matt cut himself off, remembering the man didn't like being called that. "I'm not sure. Maybe I will go see if my extended family in Ukraine is ok..."

Once again feeling sorry for him, Alfred picked up his fork again. "In Ukraine? Or... You could comelivewithme." He said in a rush, looking at his plate and twirling his fork.

"I wouldn't allow myself to do that. I would be too much of a strain on you." Matthew mumbled, looking down at his plate. If his family in Ukraine was killed, maybe he could find a place in France...

Sighing, Alfred put down his fork. "Why not? Come on, I want you to." He leaned forward, trying to look in Matthew's eyes. "I mean, I don't have a girlfriend or anything, and my family lives far away, so I'm all alone. You would be helping me as much as I help you."

"But there are other people who need more help than I do. I am ok to stay in Europe." It would be nice to go with such a nice person, but he couldn't help but feel suspicious about it. If he was alone, than that meant he would be free to do whatever he wanted.

"Just because others have been through worse things doesn't mean I can't help you." Alfred said, food forgotten. He really wanted Matthew to come live with him. He deserved at least one good thing to happen to him.

Pausing for a second, he looked up through his hair and smiled at the other blond. "If that will make you happy, than I will go to America with you. I can clean and cook for you so I am less of a burden. Even if it is only until I pay off the plane ticket."

Glad that he had agreed, Alfred started eating again. "Ok, I go back in a few weeks, so until then you can stay here." He would have to convince a few people, but he was always good at arguing.

Nodding, Matthew couldn't help but wonder why it was him that Alfred was so keen to help. There were some reasons, but he really didn't want them to be correct. From how everyone else seemed to respect him, it seemed like the American soldier was doing it out of the kindness of his heart.

Finishing, Alfred took his tray, and heard Matthew following him. He couldn't wait.

.oOo.

As Alfred had said, it was a few more weeks until they left the war torn landscape of France. Many new people came, and many bodies left the hospital. Every one made Matthew upset that he was able to survive and not them. There was nothing special about him except an usually pretty face. Even now he had started to gain a few more pounds and his frame was starting to look more life-like.

It was Matthew's first time in an air plane, and it was just as scary as he imagined once they were in it. It jostled them around constantly and they were crammed into the seats along with all the rest of the soldiers. "Mr. Jones, I don't think this was a very good idea." Matthew groaned, holding onto the seat rests with a vice-like grip.

Closing his eyes, Alfred smiled. "Don't worry, this is fine. A few hours and we'll be there." It was loud, but he was so tired all he wanted to do was sleep. After so long, he was finally going home, and with someone else too.

"A few hours is not very reassuring." Even though this was a thousand times better than what he had just gone through, it was still loud and nerve wracking. "We will not fall out of the sky, will we?" After all, the only plane he had seen well had been shot out of the sky. Just because the war was ending didn't mean all people were done shooting.

Alfred also knew the risks, but was willing to go through them to get home, and to get Matthew somewhere better. "We'll be fine. Just try to get some sleep, and it will go by in no time."

"If that is what you want, I will try." Matt mumbled, his entire body tense. It didn't seem like he was going to be sleeping any time soon but Al would be happy if he did.

Laughing a little, Alfred put a pillow behind his head. He started drifting off to sleep. If there was one thing the war had taught him, it was to take the chance to sleep whenever he could.


	3. Chapter 3

Alfred woke up a few hours later to a strange sensation. He realized shortly after that it was because the plane was landing. Looking beside him, he saw Matthew looking out the window. "Like what you see?"

"It's very big." He said simply. All the buildings seemed to attack the sky, just like what he had heard from others who had gone to America. "Where are we exactly?" Matt asked, his curiosity larger than his politeness at the moment. His fear had mostly gone away as he saw the big city, but landing made him a little bit jumpy.

"New York City. I moved here a few years ago from New Jersey." There was a bump as the plane touched down and a hustle as people got up and got their things. "Get your stuff and let's go." Alfred said, smiling as he grabbed his own things.

Getting the small bag of clothes that Alfred had scrounged up for him, Matthew made sure he had the pendant from Germany before walking off the plane with Al. "What are we doing next sir?" He asked, forgetting to drop the formalities for a second.

"Well, we have to get a taxi." That shouldn't be very hard in this town, they were everywhere. "And don't call me sir." Especially now that they weren't in the army anymore. They were going to be living together so they had to get used to each other.

"Sorry," He mumbled, looking down at the blacktop. "Do you not wish to say goodbye to your friends?" At least, he would have assumed he was friends with the majority of the people they were with. "I may hold your things if you would like."

Looking around, Alfred shook his head. "Everyone from my battalion had to go somewhere else. I said bye to them before we left." It was a good thing that the doc lived close, because he didn't want to never see him again.

Matthew nodded. He remembered Alfred doing that, but he wasn't sure if there was anyone else. "Would you still wish for me to carry your things? It would be the least I could do after all of this..."

Laughing, Al shook his head. "No, I got it. You wanna go sight seeing, or just head home?" It had been so long since he had lived with someone, so he was exited to have Matthew over.

"I do not mind either way. I would not want to inconvenience you further." Matthew felt somewhat awkward to be in such a big city with a man he had only gotten to know over the last few weeks. He was still polite with him, even if he felt a bit more comfortable around him.

"Alright, then let's go home and drop off our stuff." In truth, he really wanted to see his place after so long. Now he could forget everything he had seen in the war, and hopefully help Matthew forget as well.

Nodding, Matthew followed Alfred off the landing strip and onto the road where a few taxis were already waiting. It was still confusing as to why Alfred wanted to take him with him to America, but right now he was just amazed with everything. Nothing was destroyed and everything was big. "Is there anything I can do to repay you?" Matthew asked quietly, hoping he wouldn't get the answer he thought he might.

"Yeah there is actually." Alfred flagged down a taxi, telling the driver his address, before turning back to Matthew. "Smile for me. You hardly ever smile."

Giving a strained smile, Matthew gave up after a few seconds. "I'm sorry Alfred." He just didn't feel like smiling. Sure he was away from all the bad things that happened in Germany, but they were still living in his mind.

Amazed by how much a smile changed Matthew's face, Alfred blinked. "That's fine, you don't have to say sorry for everything." It seemed like he was always saying that, for some reason.

Squinting his eyes to look out the window, Matthew was amazed by just how peaceful it was. It was definitely a nice change from the camp he had been in for who knows how long. "I will try Mr. Jones."

Laughing, Alfred shook his head. "Mr Jones is my father." Speaking about his father, he should really call them when he got home. He had sent them a letter saying he was coming back, but they would still like to hear he had gotten there alright.

It wasn't long before the cab stopped in front of a modest looking house. It wasn't too big from the outside, but it was still larger than most Matthew had ever seen. "Is this your home?" He asked, eyes wide.

"Yup. Luckily I have no pets, so didn't have to find someone to look after them, but this is home." Now that he wasn't living alone, maybe pets would be a good idea. They could get a dog or something.

"It's very large. You are quite lucky to live somewhere like this by yourself." Matthew said quietly, not wanting to upset him. It seemed like Alfred was perpetually happy, which hopefully meant he would be ok and wouldn't have his body taken advantage of.

"It's not really big. About normal" Alfred said, opening his door for the first time in months. "And besides, I'm not living alone anymore." He said with a smile and a glance in Matthew's direction.

Nodding, Matthew waited until Alfred was inside until walking in after him. Seeing all the dust everywhere gave him an idea. "Alfred, if you would allow me, I could clean your house for you until I am able to pay for some of my living costs. It would be the least I could do. You are letting me live in your home."

He shrugged, looking around. Ah, to be home again. "You don't have to." But he wouldn't stop Matthew if he really wanted to. Alfred picked up his phone, dialling his parents number.

As Alfred spoke to who Matt assumed was his parents, he started to look over the house. There weren't very many things other than the necessities that he had out, which would help him whenever he dusted. Matthew could also see that no one had really been here for the last few months at least as Alfred had said.

After having had the phone on the other end passed around to everyone in the house, Alfred hung up with a smile on his face. Sometime soon, he should go see them, and take Matthew with him. They would love to meet the person he deemed so important he brought him all the way from Europe.

"I hope your family is ok, if that is who you were talking to. Sorry for being so nosey." Matthew immediately apologized, looking down to the floor again. He couldn't help but feel unworthy of being in America with Alfred. There was no reason he could think of that would make him a better candidate than anyone else from the camp.

Sighing, Alfred put down the phone. "Matt, you don't have to be so polite. I'm not going to get mad at you, so you shouldn't worry." He really didn't think he _could_ get mad at him, he was just so nice and beautiful, even if he was a man.

"Habit I guess." Matthew said sheepishly, looking back up from the floor. "Though I still don't want to be a burden... I know how to cook somewhat... Would that be satisfactory?" It was still awkward to be around other men alone, so he wanted to be able to keep his mind off it.

Nodding, Alfred took his stuff and put it in his room. "Sure, cause I suck at cooking. Anyway, this is my room, the bathroom is right there, and this will be your room." He opened the door, showing a slightly cluttered room with a bed in the middle. "I was using it for storage, so I'll clean it out."

"Thank you very much." Matthew said quietly, bowing his head again. Hopefully this would mean he was safe. There was a possibility that he would be sleeping on the floor for a while, since he probably wouldn't be able to sleep on something so soft. There were only a few times that he was allowed to sleep on one, and it was only for a few hours until the men woke up again.

Smiling, Alfred patted Matthew on the shoulder briefly. "I hope it will be ok. It's not the most comfortable bed, but still a bed. Anyway, I'm gonna get some of this stuff out of here, then we can go shopping for food." Because he had been away, there was no food in the house at all.

"It's perfect. I can help you a bit if you wish." He added, stepping forward. After all, this was going to be his room. His very own room. Matthew hadn't had his own space ever. When he lived with his family in France, it had always been his mother, father and older brother all in one room. "I highly appreciate this, thank you Alfred."

Grabbing a box, Alfred smiled. "You're welcome. I'm glad you're here with me." It would be nice living with someone, especially since that person was Matthew. He passed him as he went to the door and gave a laugh. "Actually, I think before we go shopping, we should have showers. We both smell like war. You go now, I'll jump in after."

"J-Jump in?" Matthew stuttered, his body tensing up even though he didn't want it to. "I'm sorry, but I don-"

"Yeah, when you're done your shower I will have one." Alfred clarified, realizing how that must have sounded to Matthew, considering everything. Why did he always mess up around him?

Nodding quickly, Matthew looked to the floor again and muttered. "Where is a towel I may use?" He felt bad for being so affected by it when Alfred didn't know what happened to him, but it had become as normal as breathing for him to be wary of things like that. The German soldiers always mentioned how lonely war made them, and he was nervous it would be the same for Alfred.

"There are some in the closet in the bathroom." Then, Alfred actually thought about it. "Have you used a shower before?"

"I've used ones in France before, but I can't help but think yours will be somewhat different." Matthew said, trusting himself enough by now to look back into Alfred's bright blue eyes. No one with that much charisma and optimism would take advantage of him, right? Well, that's what he used to think at least.

Amazed by the fact that Matthew was actually looking at him, Alfred smiled. "Well, if you need help just call me." He wasn't sure what the showers were like in France, so he said that just to be safe. It was actually awesome how good an English accent Matthew had for growing up in France.

"I will." Letting his eyes slid off Alfred's face, Matthew went out of the room and got a towel before going to the bathroom. It was much different than what he was used to living in the countryside of France, but he was determined to figure it out without asking for help. Turing the dials until warm water was spraying down, he went and shut the door, hesitating before deciding to lock it. He wanted to trust Alfred, but his mind wouldn't let him completely. Matt's modest clothes falling to the floor, he stepped into the shower. Now he would just have to figure out what to use to clean himself.

Hearing the sound of the water, Alfred gave a small sigh. Matthew was just a wall away from him, completely naked. He was surprised at his own thoughts, disgusted with them. After all the boy had been through, he actually lusted after him? But he could never act on it, of course. Never.

Using a bit of what he assumed to be shampoo, Matthew rubbed the suds into his hair and then rinsed it out. Doing the same with soap on his body, he couldn't help but want to take advantage of all the luxuries that were here. He knew he couldn't though, because then he would be taking advantage of Alfred's heart. The American was generous enough to let him stay in his home _and_ to bring him over from Europe after rescuing him.

A few minutes later when he was cleaner than he had been in months, he stepped out of the shower and dried himself off as best as he could before placing his clothes back on. He didn't feel comfortable walking around with just a towel, so it would have to do.

As soon as he heard the bathroom door open, Alfred went to see how he had made out. As soon as he saw him, hair still wet and clothes sticking to his body, the Americans heart made a few quick beets. But it really shouldn't, because this was a man, and one he actually cared about, so he couldn't have those feelings at all.

Acting like he wasn't thinking these things, Alfred gave a smile. "I see everything worked out."

"Yes, thank you. If you would allow me, I will get changed now." The clothes he was wearing were already so much better than anything he had had for many years of his life, never mind just in the camp. Still looking at the ground, Matthew shifted awkwardly on the spot.

"Sounds good. I'll take a shower now too." He passed Matthew, heading for the bathroom. "I put your clothes on top of the dresser. And sometime this week we need to get you some stuff."

Shaking his head, Matthew raised his gaze for a second. "I wouldn't want to inconvenience you further." Maybe he could find a job to help pay for his living costs... Alfred was very nice but he didn't want to give him a reason to be upset with him. Already he was doing so much for him. All of this was quite foreign to him- excusing the pun.

"Nonsense. You can't just live with a few clothes. You don't even have a tooth brush." And there was something about sharing a tooth brush that just seemed way too married couple.

"If you allow me, I will pay for anything extra. When I receive employment, I would be more than happy to reimburse you for at least part of the cost of having me live here." Looking back to Alfred's eyes, he blinked shyly; still not too comfortable with eye contact. They had been 'practising' it in the tent village, but it still made Matthew nervous. "I feel terrible for taking advantage of your kind heart."

If only he knew what Alfred was thinking, he wouldn't say he had a kind heart. "That reminds me, I have to get my old job back," Could Matthew even keep a job? He still looked so weak, he was worried about him.

Nodding again, the small blond bowed his head. "If I may be excused, I will get changed." It was a hard habit to break from having to be so polite all the time, plus he figured that if Alfred wanted him to stop, he would say so like with 'sir'. As well, he still didn't feel worthy of all of this care.

"Sure, put on those rags and we can get you some better clothes when we go out." He hadn't been sending any money to anyone at home, so he had saved up quite a lot of money from his pay checks.

Nodding again, he slipped into what would now be his bedroom. The clothes were on top of the dresser as Alfred said, and he made sure his door was closed - there was no lock he was disappointed to find- before taking off the now soaked clothes to put them off. He heard the shower start and sat on his bed in comfortable silence. Matt didn't want to start cleaning in case he did something wrong, so he allowed himself to relax for one of the first times in as long as he could remember.

Heading to the shower, Alfred gave a sigh at the feeling. It had been so long since he had had a nice warm shower, because the showers at the camp had mostly been cold. Then he allowed himself to do something he hadn't done at all in the war, his hand falling to his crotch and giving long slow strokes.

Still sitting still, Matthew allowed himself to get excited. He was in America! The land of freedom! The Germans had lost from what he heard, and he had a very low chance of having his life return to the squalor he was subjected to there. All he could hope and pray for was that Alfred was as pure as Matthew wanted his intentions to be.

Biting his bottom lip so he wouldn't let out any telltale sounds, Alfred rested his forehead on the tile. He forced himself not to think of the boy he was going to be living with, because that would be wrong and bad. Smiling as he finished, Alfred washed the creamy white substance from the walls and himself.

It wasn't until he was in the middle of brushing his long hair with his fingers that Matthew heard the shower being turned off and then the door being opened. He didn't feel the need to talk to him, in case Alfred was wearing a towel. Plus, he figured that enough was imposing on his caretakers personal space. It would probably be a bit for him to get a job, but he knew he had some skills; even if some of them he hoped he would never have to use.

Putting a pair of jeans on, Alfred started looking for a shirt. He couldn't find one, before realizing he had packed them in a box before leaving so they wouldn't be eaten by moths. And that box was in Matthew's room. He knocked on the door, not wanting to startle him.

Jumping slightly, Matthew quickly got up from the bed and opened his door only to jump back. This was it. Alfred had only brought him back so he could keep Matthew locked up in his house to use. "Please..." He mumbled, stepping back again. He had kept his fear hidden from both himself and Alfred, but now with Alfred standing there half naked and a grin on his face, he couldn't bring himself to not overreact.

* * *

Wow, sorry for leaving it there...

Anyway, anyone who can draw an awesome picture of Alfred, without a shirt, dog tags on his neck, and a bullet wound on his chest (that will come later) will be forever loved! And, just saying, but if that happened... we might write a short story for that person with the pairing of their choice... just saying...


	4. Chapter 4

As quick as his fear pulsed through Matthew, it bled out again. How could he have felt that? He knew Alfred now, and if he was going to do anything to him he wouldn't have waited this long. Not to mention the heart crushing look of defeat on the American's face as he backed away. Too nervous to do anything else, he just stood against the wall, staring at his long hair that covered his face. They had always said it reminded them of the French wenches they loved so dearly.

Not moving from the spot, Alfred pointed to a box. "My shirts... Are in there." He said quietly, unable to believe how stupid he was. He could have just put on his old shirt or something. He pulled slightly at his dog tags, a habit he had gotten from the army.

Staying submissive, Matthew only bowed his head further and stepped out of the way; shaking lightly. How could he have let himself react like that? He was in America. He was free of the past terrors, even if it didn't stop the nightmares. "I'm sorry." He mumbled, unable to forget everything so quickly. Even if he didn't see him well, Matthew's mind flashed with the image of Alfred's scared torso. There was only one long scratch what looked to be a bullet wound. Did he get that saving them?

"Don't... You're not sorry, you shouldn't be sorry. Stop saying that." Slowly, the American walked in the room, heading to the box. He kept his eyes on Matthew, making sure he wouldn't be spooked again.

Hearing his heart beat fiercely in his chest, the blond slid down the wall until he was sitting on the ground. "I'm sorry. I will accept whatever befalls to me." He kept his voice level even with his turmoiling emotions. He couldn't help but feel like this was what happened the other time, but at the same time he wanted to keep trusting Alfred. Alfred, with his soft smile and his carefree attitude that Matthew could never attain.

Shaking his head, Alfred grabbed the first shirt he saw and quickly put it over his head. "This is America, Matthew. Free country and all that." Would they ever be able to live normally together when he had such a big reaction to just this?

Matthew swallowed loudly before raising his head slowly. Despite wanting to hide or run away, he forced himself to look Alfred in the eyes. He couldn't see them well, but he knew their bright hue enough to tell that he was looking back at him. Silently, tears started to form in his own eyes before he looked to the side. "Please forgive my actions." How could he continually manage to make his personal saviour suffer from his own habits? Alfred didn't deserve to be a victim of Matthew's past.

"There's nothing to forgive. You did nothing wrong." Alfred said quietly, before smiling despite the mood. "Should we get going? I can't wait to eat some real food instead of what they gave us at the camp."

Wincing at his choice in words, Matthew apologized out loud. "Yes. I am sorry you had to witness that." He wanted Alfred to know how he felt. It was a nice, new feeling: knowing that someone actually cared about him. He was sure his family would be worried about him if they were still alive. Though they wouldn't have believed him if he said he was now living in a large home with a man who seemed to be around his own age and had all the luxuries he had ever wanted. Not to mention his own room!

Going to the door of the room, Alfred closed his eyes for a second. "It's fine, we all have our demons." He said quietly, so that Matthew would hear him. Leaving the room, he grabbed his jacket.

Taking a second to compose himself, Matthew stood up and dusted himself off. For that, he would have to make sure he acted normal for the rest of the day to prove he was getting better. He knew he was already much better than he could ever have been in Europe, since he didn't feel like anyone was going to come and find him here. In America, he was safe; Alfred seemingly quite wiling to fight for him already.

Going out of his room shyly, he pulled on the hem of the shirt the American had let him borrow. It felt strange to wear it, but Matthew figured it would be to wear someone else's clothes, never mind their underwear since he didn't own any of his own. The guards had always mentioned how it got in the way.

"Where are we headed?" He said quietly, seeing Alfred at the door already, looking morose. He felt bad for making the cheerful man look upset, but he knew that he was going to have to get over those 'demons' before being able to make anyone else happy. "I wish for you not to take it personally." Matt added, biting his cheek. "It is quite difficult for me to speak of it, but I don't want you to be upset because of me."

"I'm not upset and I'm not taking it personally. You have obviously been through a lot, so it's fine if you can't talk about it." Alfred didn't look at him, for fear that Matthew would see in his eyes that he already knew about at least a part of what happened at that concentration camp.

Grabbing his own jacket that Alfred let him use, Matthew hesitated a bit before reaching out to touch Alfred's shoulder. If anything, this was to help him get better as much as it was for the American. "M... May we go now? I am excited to see your city."

Smiling, Alfred nodded. This was the first time Matthew had voluntarily touched him. "Yeah, of course. Man, you are gonna love New York. It's so great!" He started naming off the places they could eventually see, as they were leaving.

Listening to Alfred with a small spark of hope in his heart, Matthew couldn't help but feel like everything was getting better. It was still hard to be physically close to anyone even if it was innocent but he was going to try and teach himself. If his reaction to Alfred was any indicator, it would probably take a while to trust men completely again. "Where are we going first?"

The American pointed to a grocery store across the street. "I'm too hungry to wait. We can shop for your things tomorrow." Or later today if they had time, but the American was really looking forward to sleeping in his own bed tonight.

Matthew nodded as they made their way over to the store. He had no idea what would be in there, but it was going to be an exciting thing to be able to see fresh food that he would be able to eat. Even living in his nice home in France he never had very much in the way for food. "What kinds of food do you prefer? I may look for ingredients that will be inexpensive for you."

"Ingredients?" Alfred asked in amazement. Usually, if he was cooking, he got one thing and put it in a pan or pot. No ingredients, because then he knew he would mess it up and it would be horrible.

"Yes, ingredients. If you tell me what you like, then I will try and make it. I might not be very good at American things yet, but I do know many French and German recipes." Maybe not from the best of circumstances, but he still knew them enough to make them delicious.

Shrugging, Alfred grabbed a basket. "Not sure. You pick." After all, the American could eat anything, and even dry bread would be nice after the fake food they served at the camp.

Matthew nodded before walking along with him, looking at all the fresh food. "There's so much..." He mumbled to himself as he continued to look around. He could make so much with this!

Looking around, Alfred couldn't see what he was talking about. It was just a normal grocery store. "So pick whatever you wanna eat. Just remember you're cooking." He gave a small laugh.

Maybe it would be best to get some simple ingredients first. "Where are the vegetables? And the flour and eggs?" Maybe he could try making a pasta dish and some chocolate mousse for desert.

"Hm, I think they changed it around." Well, more accurately, he avoided grocery shopping as much as he could. He was so glad milk at least came to the house. Now why couldn't they do that with all the groceries?

Nodding, he looked around the homey store. "How much would you like me to get? I was thinking maybe only a few days." After all, Matthew didn't want to spend too much of Alfred's money.

Walking to the closest department, Alfred figured he could hold the basket and not have to choose. "Whatever. Up to you." He just really didn't care, as long as they got food and he could eat.

After going through all the aisles, they had accumulated a bunch of different things Matthew could use to make a variety of meals. "Please remind me how much I owe you when I acquire a job." Matthew said quietly as Alfred payed and they walked back with their groceries.

"Alright, I will. Looking at this," Alfred said, taking out the receipt and looked at it. "You owe me zero dollars and... Yup, zero cents." He gave a laugh, putting the paper back into a bag.

"Thank you for being so hospitable but I will feel terrible making you pay all this money on me." Matthew mumbled as they got back to the other's house.

"Well, you're gonna be cooking it, so consider that you repaying me." He was determined to make Matthews life as good as possible, so that meant not letting him worry about money.

"I will still reimburse you for electricity, water and rent." The small blond said, wringing his hands after they placed the bags down. "The least I may do is clean for you. I will be your personal maid."

Damn, he shouldn't have just gotten a picture of Matthew in a maid's outfit. "Sure, whatever." He didn't mind cleaning, but it would probably make him more comfortable with staying there.

"Thank you Alfred, but if I might be so bold... Are you sure that is ok? You seem hesitant about it. I assure you it is the least I can do to help. It... It won't bother me."

Turning around, Alfred smiled. "Matt, look. You may not think this, but I believe you deserve a better life. I am going to do my best to make that happen, so if you want to clean then clean. But if you don't want to do anything, that's fine too."

Tears prickled at Matthew's eyes as he brushed them away before they could be spent. "Thank you very much Mr. Alfred Jones. Merci beaucoup." He added, feeling it to be appropriate to slip into his native tongue. For him, it sounded more genuine; coming from his heart instead of just his mouth.

Oh crap he was crying. But they were obviously happy tears, so it wasn't too bad. "You know I don't like it when you call me that." But they were both smiling, standing in the front hallway.

"Yes, but it is only proper." Matthew explained as he continued to wipe his face. Salty tears flowed down his face, but they were still tears of happiness instead of sadness, embarrassment or agony. "And I am sorry for speaking French. I wasn't thinking."

Going farther into his house, Alfred took off his jacket. "It's your first language. I can figure out what the occasional French thing means." After all, for a little while he was stationed in France.

"But I wouldn't want to confuse you." Matthew said, "Would you like my assistance putting the groceries away or may I start supper?" Maybe he would make pasta. It would be a chance to get some of his emotions out on the dough instead of on either of them.

Bringing the bags to the kitchen, Alfred started pulling stuff out. "Make supper, I can put this stuff away." Matthew wouldn't even know where stuff went, after all. And maybe after that he could get more of the boxes out of his room so another thing like that wouldn't happen.

Matthew nodded once before hesitating. "I will only need an egg and some flour at the moment." When the two ingredients were handed over to him, he looked around for a clear spot on the counter and wiped it off before getting it ready.

Matthew had made sure to get the proper kind of flour to make pasta, so he was confident it would work. It would be nice if Alfred had a pasta maker, but he doubted that the man would with how surprised he had been just with the shopping. Oh well, it would take longer but he wouldn't be punished for it. This time.

Pouring a mound of flour on the counter, he then placed two eggs in the centre and started to mix them together to form a ball of dry dough. "Do you by any chance have a pasta maker? Or at least a rolling pin?" Maybe an apron would be nice too, but he didn't want to impose further.

Watching, Alfred had completely forgotten about putting the dishes away. What was he doing? Wordlessly, he handed over a rolling pin, thinking this was probably the first time it was being used.

Sighing in his mind, he took the rolling pin. "I guess I was too optimistic. This will do just fine, thank you Alfred." Barely noticing that Alfred was watching him, he started to roll out the dough until it was thin enough to start cutting. That was going to be difficult, but it was better than nothing.

"May I borrow a knife now?" Matthew asked, hoping that Alfred would be ok with linguine noodles. It was fairly difficult to shape spaghetti or any other variety like this.

Handing him a knife as well, Alfred had a flashback to a lonely farm house that they had stumbled on when out on a mission. The entire family, killed with a single knife. They had figured the father had done it, since the weapon was found in his hand. Probably because he figured it would have been better than enduring the war. "Don't cut yourself." Alfred said quietly.

"I will be careful." Matthew said just as quietly as he concentrated on cutting the long roll of pasta in straight lines. This would be the first meal he had made for himself in a long time. In the camp, they had occasionally taken him to the Germans barracks to make gourmet French food for them before being send to their bedrooms.

About six minutes later, the thin blond had the pasta drying out on the counter as he started preparing a simple white sauce with a few vegetables. It wouldn't be as nice as some of the other dishes he could make, but it would have to do for now.

Choosing to sit down, Alfred continued watching. Where had he learnt to cook like that? Damn, Matthew was like a saviour for him if he could cook this well. He was making something from scratch! The last time he had eaten something made from scratch he had been back home.

Without thinking about it as he was finishing up the sauce and getting the pasta boiling, Matthew started humming a tune under his breath. It had been a long time that he had sung anything that it in itself was liberating and raised his mood.

Closing his eyes, Alfred listened to the gentle hum. It was a nice tune, one that he was unfamiliar with. But it was still dazzlingly beautiful, just like the man it was coming from.

A few minutes later with the pasta done and the sauce close behind it, Matthew looked behind him. "I am sorry it is taking so long. Do you have a strainer anywhere?" When Alfred pointed, he grabbed it and drained the pasta while continuing to sing under his breath. "Aux armes, citoyens! Formez vos bataillons! Marchez, Marchez! Qu'un sang impur! Abreuve nos sillons!"

"What is that? That song?" Alfred knew he wouldn't remember the name, but he wanted to hear Matthew say it. He was usually so quiet, to actually hear his voice was nice. Also, he was trying to keep his mind off the divine smell of the food.

Jumping slightly, Matthew managed not to burn himself as he turned around. "Oh, I'm sorry. I was singing again, wasn't I?" Wringing his hands, he continued. "It's 'La Marseilles'. France's national anthem. Supper is ready, I just need to find some plates..."

"Right here." Alfred stood up, grabbing them from the cupboard. "It smells really good." He said, smelling whatever it was that Matthew had made.

"It's not very much..." Matthew said, not accepting the praise. "Where are the forks and knives? You may serve yourself as much as you like."

Smiling, Alfred had to reach around Matthew to get to the cutlery drawer. "I'm sure that it will be delicious." So obviously better than anything he could ever make, that was a given. The American dished some out for himself, making sure there was enough for Matthew.

Urging himself not to freak out as Alfred reached around him, Matthew started putting some of the dishes he used in the sink and then grabbed a bit of the pasta he made. Still, he blushed lightly without noticing as he went to what he assumed to be his seat. "This is the first time I have eaten anything I've made in a while..."

"This is the first time I've eaten anything homemade in a while." Alfred said, laughing lightly at his own joke. This was so good! He had never had anything like this before, not even when he occasionally went to restaurants.

Tucking into his meal, Matthew couldn't help but feel as if it could be better than it was. "What types of food would you like for future meals? I wouldn't want to impose on your normal schedule."

"Trust me, anything you make will be ten times better than whatever is on my normal eating schedule." He couldn't wait for the days when robots cooked for you.

A ghost of a smile appeared on Matthew's lips before he continued to eat slowly and quietly. "I am glad you feel that way. Is there anything you would like me to learn how to make? I understand your views on what I make, but maybe there is something you will crave?"

Alfred gave a small laugh, remembering what he usually ate when home alone. "Burgers. Big fat juicy burgers." They were to die for, no matter who made them. He wasn't sure if Matthew had ever made hamburgers before, but they were sure to be good.

"Like fast food? No wonder you are glad to have me cook for you. I mean, if I may say that..." Matthew back tracked, not wanting to offend the nice man. He was already doing so much for him.

Laughing, Alfred finished off the meal. It was just so good! "There is nothing you can say to offend me, so you don't have to worry about it." There were a few people who could offend him, but Matthew was not one of them.

"I am glad that is the situation but I will not take advantage of it." Seeing that Alfred was done, he added. "You may have the rest. I am not very hungry."

Shaking his head, the American took his plate to the sink. "You need the food more than me. It has been weeks and you still look like the living dead." The best looking living dead person alive, but he didn't add that for obvious reasons.

"I insist. I am no hungry as it is; my stomach isn't used to real food yet." He was glad Alfred cared so much about him, but there really was no reason to change his normal schedule for him.

"Well you need to get it used to normal amounts of food, instead of what you eat." Well, normal amounts of food for most people. Alfred doubted very much if Matthew would ever be able to eat as much as he did.

Looking down to his plate, Matthew shyly met Alfred's eyes. "This is how much I'm used to eating. This is much more than I used to get." Living in such a small village made him used to not get too much food. Plus in the camp... Well he was ravenous whenever he ate then but he couldn't show it.

Sighing, Alfred took Matthew's plate as well. "Fine. Uh, check in your clothes and see if there are any pyjamas. If not you can borrow some of mine." He usually slept in boxers anyway, so it shouldn't matter.

Nodding, Matthew got up as well. "I will do the dishes first, if you will allow me." He didn't want to think about wearing Alfred's clothes, since the last time he had done that with another man, it didn't end pleasantly.

"You cooked so I clean. It's the rule." He wasn't about to let Matthew do all the work. Alfred pointed to the room. "Just go and try on pyjamas. You look tired." It seemed the jet leg was kicking in, since he also felt tired.

Matthew hesitated before looking down to his feet. "If that is what you wish." Not going against what people said had helped him before, so now it would help too. Even if he felt bad leaving such a mess for Alfred to clean, he was ordered to try on pyjamas.

Slipping into his room, Matthew first got the boxes from around the room and placed them by the door. He didn't want to have his mind and body betray him again if Alfred got too close, so he figured he could avoid the situation. Trying on the first pair of what he assumed to be pyjamas, he wasn't too surprised to see they were too large on the waist and chest, but they were only a bit too long; perfect for sleeping.

Rubbing his eyes, he went back out of his room and watched as Alfred finished the dishes. "These will work perfectly, thank you." He mumbled, squinting a bit to see Alfred so far away.

"Great." Alfred rubbed his eyes, pushing up his glasses. It would be so nice to sleep in his own bed again. He turned around, seeing Matthew in his clothes. Damn, his mind was going where it shouldn't again. "So do you wanna sleep now?"

Just as he was about to nod yes, Matthew jumped. "I forgot about dessert!" Going into the kitchen, he opened the fridge and took out a small container. "I made chocolate mousse for you. I hope it's not too late now."

Laughing, Alfred took the container. "Well, looks like there is just enough for us to share." It really looked good, so chocolaty. He couldn't wait to try it, right before falling asleep. It would be a nice change from the army.

Matthew shook his head. "I couldn't. I made it just for you to enjoy." Plus it would be too rich for him after not having sweets for so long. Already he was so full that having dessert to would be too much.

Taking a spoon, Alfred took a piece of the sweet, and put it in front of Matthew's face. "Come on, one bite." It would be good for him to gain weight. He was getting better, but still not normal.

"If that is what you wish." Matthew said quietly before bringing his hand up. Holding Alfred's hand lightly against the spoon, he brought it to his mouth and took the chocolate mousse. He let go and brought his hand to his mouth as he closed his eyes to enjoy the flavour. "It is very good, I am glad."

Dammit, why was he always doing things to make him nervous? Alfred sighed, eating the dessert. It was really good, even taking away the taste of guilt. He finished it off, then went to his room and made sure the door was closed before taking his clothes off for bed.

In his room, Matthew laid on the bed curled up. It had become a habit to sleep like this even if it never really saved him. The more he reacted like that, the more he knew Alfred would start to realized something was up. He knew the man had a big heart, but hopefully if he stopped reacting to the small gestures he made he would never suspect that he had been brutally raped multiple times in the camp.

* * *

Wow that was a long chapter. But we wanted to finish his first day in America, so there you go! We hope everyone is enjoying this so far, and will continue reading!


	5. Chapter 5

Grinning, Alfred walked into his house to the nice smells of a cooking dinner. "I got my old job back! Man my boss is looking old." He walked to the kitchen, seeing Matt there.

"I am sure he is not as aged as you believe him to be." Matthew said, looking over his shoulder for a second before going back to the stew he was preparing. "Dinner should be ready in about ten minutes. I am sorry about the wait."

"Don't be sorry. I still have a few things to take out of your room, I'll do that now." Alfred wasn't really sure where he was going to put them, but he was sure he would be able to find a place.

It was only five minutes before Alfred came back to the dining room. "If I might ask for your assistance..." Matthew started, looking back at the man. "Would you please help me read the newspaper? I overheard that one is able to find jobs listed in it. It is all I ask."

"You can't read?" Alfred blurted out before mentally slapping himself. Of course he couldn't read English! He was from France, so it was amazing he spoke such good English!

Matthew just shook his head as he went back to the meal. "I only learnt the letters and accents in French. My father never had time to teach me how to read French or English." Plus in the camp, no one would have ever taught him. He might have learnt German because of the guards but that was it. "I'm sorry if it was too much to ask."

"No it's fine! Well, I mean you don't have to get a job of course. And if you want I can teach you to read." He probably wouldn't be a very good teacher, but it would be better than nothing.

"I would enjoy that very much Alfred." Matthew said sincerely before placing the stew out. "You may come and serve yourself." Being able to read felt almost like a special passage to becoming an adult even though he already was one.

Sitting down, Alfred picked up his spoon. Over the past few days, he had been learning how good of a cook Matthew was. "You said you already knew the letters? That will make things easy."

Nodding, Matthew ate a bit before coughing lightly. "I would like to make sure I have enough to reimburse you for your efforts though. Now that you have your job back, I wouldn't want to take away from your resting time."

"You're paying me back already by feeding me so well. This is so good!" Alfred took another bite, enjoying it immensely. It was even better than any burgers he could make.

Suddenly, there was a loud noise. Instinctively, he dropped to the floor, pulling Mathew down with him. His heart was racing, going back to the war.

Without thinking, Matthew let his body go limp, knowing that if he fought back he would be treated even more violently than need be. His mind barely registered that it was Alfred who was holding onto him, just that he didn't want to be denied the privilege of being stretched or maybe even having lube used. Tears started falling down his face immediately, too shocked to do anything about them.

Giving a sigh, Alfred let go. "Sorry, I think it was just a car backfiring." Then he looked at Matthew and the fresh tears on his face. He had touched him again! Possibly even more than all the other times! He hadn't even thought about it, his time overseas teaching him that when you heard a loud noise, you ducked for cover and took civilians with you as well. "Hey, it's ok, Matt it's me."

"_Please don't hurt me this time..._" Matthew mumbled weakly in French and then in German. Depending on the guard, they would react differently to each of the languages. Some found it amusing to fuck him as he pleaded in French while other's only wanted their own tongue to be spoken.

It still hadn't sunk in that it was Alfred beside him since his mind had started to disengage itself. Matthew had found it easier to drift from his body so that he wouldn't have to feel the shame and the dirtiness that came with the sex.

Not sure what he was saying, Alfred backed away slightly to make sure he wouldn't touch him any more. "Matthew? What's wrong?" He was completely confused, the other times had been bad but not this bad.

Matthew continued to mumbled under his breath a small prayer in French that his brother had taught him a few days before they were taken away from each other by German soldiers. It helped him forget about the pain and made him believe that one day it would get better... One day... He finally opened his eyes and with a shuddering sob once again was faced with Alfred's heart broken face. Why did he have to be so sensitive? His mind wanted to be close, but his body continued to betray him. "Al-Alfred..." He moaned, curling up into a ball under the table as he continued to cry.

Giving a thankful sigh that Matthew seemed to have come back to his senses, Alfred leaned against one of the table legs. "I'm sorry I did that, I-I didn't think." He said, closing his eyes. He had been worried about him, not sure what exactly what was happening.

Shuddering, Matthew just shook his head as he tried to still his quivering body. "I-I'm sorry Alfred. I... I wish... My heart didn't hurt so much..." Maybe then he could be a better person for Alfred to live with. Maybe then he wouldn't feel fear at any blue eyed, blond stranger he happened to cross paths with.

Putting his head in his hands, Alfred shook his head. He was now determined to never touch him again if he could help it. It obviously affected Matthew way too much, and it would make it easier to live together if he was always afraid of him.

Seeing Alfred sit with his head in his hands, Matthew felt even worse. Not only was he beating himself over how he acted, but now he was hurting the man who did so much to help him. "A-Alfred, I'm sorry." He whispered, brushing tears off his face and placing a hesitant hand on the other's knee. "I... I don't know what came over me."

Looking at the hand on his leg, Alfred stayed silent. God, Matthew was touching him, after all that? He was glad, because that should mean he was getting better, but it made no sense whatsoever. "Stop saying you're sorry. You shouldn't be sorry, it's my fault not yours." The hand on his leg proved that, somehow.

"But... I... I did _that_." He replied cryptically. "I am aloud to ask forgiveness for my inappropriate actions. I just... Forgot it was you for a moment..." Matthew continued to say, too nervous to look Alfred in the eyes since he was already touching his knee lightly.

Still looking at the hand, Alfred bit his lip. He was glad that Matthew felt comfortable enough to touch him, but he still wasn't sure why he was doing it. "Exactly, so it's not your fault. If it's not your fault you don't have to say sorry."

Seeing Alfred staring at his hand, he removed it, suddenly feeling embarrassed about it. "I... I can't stop feeling bad for being unable to offer much more than my culinary skills while you opened your house and heart to me." Looking back to the ground, he mumbled. "I will let you finish your desert now." They were still under the table, and it was starting to become awkward.

Alfred stood up so he could sit back on his chair. "Trust me, you are helping me as much as I am helping you." He hadn't wanted to admit it, but after constantly being with fellow soldiers, he had been worried about coming home and being alone. Maybe that had been why he had followed Matthew that day.

"I'm glad you feel that way." Matthew said quietly, going up to sit by the table as well. He didn't feel like leaving, because that felt cold and insensitive to the person that was trying to help him get better; even if he didn't know just what he had gone through. Although he had been in the camp, he wasn't in the same position as most that were there. Sure he was starved for the most part, but he wasn't actually Jewish. There was just one of their family enemies that had decided to 'hand' them over to the SS soldiers.

"You have to eat too." He said, pushing some of the dessert over to him. Matthew was going to gain some weight, if he liked it or not. He was still much too skinny for a normal healthy human being, although what the soldiers were doing to them in that camp wasn't human at all.

Wiping the rest of his tears with the end of his sleeve, the small blond shook his head. "I am still full, but thank you. Plus, I am a little bit shaken up." He added with a small lilt of forced laughter.

Nodding, Alfred ate the food. It had only been about a week since they had gotten here, so he couldn't expect Matthew to have gotten a bigger stomach yet, but it was still disheartening that he made all this food for him and had none himself.

Watching with interest as Alfred ate the rest of the dessert, Matthew was glad there was at least one thing he could do right. It hadn't taken long for him to notice that Alfred enjoyed his food as well as the sweets he made. It was quite easy to make the American happy, and he hoped that joy would become infectious enough for him to forget his past enough to start making connections with people. "Is it satisfactory?"

"It's great. You are always good at cooking, no matter what it was." He gave a smile, the heaviness of the mood leaving him. Hopefully there wouldn't be anymore loud noises like that, because he hadn't even thought about anything but getting to the floor with whoever was closest to him.

"I am glad. My family was always impressed with me even when I did not feel worthy of their praise." Matthew admitted, looking to the table.

Why did he always put himself down in those little small ways? He seemed so happy when he said them, but Alfred could tell he wasn't. "You are worthy of anyones praise, because if anyone is lucky enough to meet you, then they _should_ praise you."

Matthew just shook his head again. "Thank you Alfred, but I do not feel like it is the truth. Many people have had much worse things to say about me." It was the least he could do for the man to give him glossed over facts about just what happened to him. Maybe he was becoming more comfortable about the praise, but he was still not ready to accept it.

"Well those guys are assholes and were lying." Alfred said, finishing up the dessert. Whenever he heard things about Matthew's past, he always wanted to go back in time and beat those guys up, for some reason. Maybe he was really getting too protective of the blond.

"I sincerely wish to believe that." Matthew said softly as he rubbed his puffy eyes. "May... May you help me look for a job tomorrow? If you have time and are not too tired, I mean. I couldn't allow myself to be more of a burden on you."

Taking all the dishes to the sink, Alfred let out his breath in a huff. "You don't have to have a job, I'm serious. Not that I will stop you from getting one, but you don't have to." Because what kind of saviour would he be if he made his damsel in distress pay his own way? "But if you really want to I will help."

Matthew nodded, going over to the sink as well. Despite his resent 'attack', he couldn't help but feel like leaving for his room would be devastating on both of them. Not only did he want to get better, but he wanted to get better for Alfred as well. "I understand how you feel, but I appreciate the gesture. When I am able to read, I will not bother you any more." Hopefully it would be quite easy to pick up, since he already spoke the language. Maybe even after he learnt how to read and write in English, he could try French somehow.

"Not bother me any more? That sounds like you're going to leave." Alfred said, trying to sound aloof. Really, he was scared that he actually would leave. He knew they probably couldn't continue living together forever, but he still wanted Matthew to live there for a while longer, at least.

"I am sorry, but I meant that I will not have to have you read for me." Unless, Alfred would prefer to see him get better and move out. Still, Matthew hoped that wasn't the case. "Unless you would like me to move out, I enjoy it here. It feels very much like my home in France did."

Genuinely smiling, Alfred filled the sink with water. "I'm glad. Stay here as long as you want." Forever would be good, but forever meant nothing. There wasn't anything tying them together, so why would Matthew stay forever?

Matthew nodded, a small flickering of a smile going across his face. "Thank you. May I help dry the dishes before going to bed?" He asked, not wanting to feel useless. Plus, being around Alfred was helping him feel less like he was a threat to him even with his outburst.

"Sure, that's fine." The American said, putting the clean dishes in the other sink to be dried. Over the past week Matthew had been familiarizing himself with the kitchen, so he was sure that he would know where things went.

Picking up the dish towel, the small blond wordlessly started to dry the dishes. The last week had been a bit tense for both of them as he got used to living with a person who actually cared about him and he assumed that Alfred was getting used to having someone live with him. Still, it was much better for Matthew than he had ever thought was possible.


	6. Chapter 6

Alfred wasn't sure what had woken him up at first. But soon he heard it, still not sure what it was. He got out of bed, wanting to find the source of the strange noise. It almost sounded like a human voice, but it was still too quiet to hear properly. Was it coming from Matthew's room?

It was then that he heard the ear-piercing scream coming from the guest room. Briefly he thought back to the war, having heard that scream so many times; _no no NO!_

Running, he didn't wait to knock on the door, just ran through. There he saw Matthew clawing at the sheets, obviously the source of the scream. "Matt! Matt wake up!"

Twisting blindly in his bed, Matthew couldn't hear Alfred through the pain in his mind. He was desperate; he didn't want it to happen again. Not here, not when he was supposed to be safe! "_Please! Don't do it!"_ He screamed again in French, his mind not registering that he was yelling out loud.

It wasn't until he felt the hands on his shoulders that his eyes flew open before he could let out another piercing wail. Instead, the small blond just started to shake uncontrollably, unconsciously clutching onto the arms. "_Please... Please have mercy... I don't want to hurt anymore..._" He sobbed, still too out of it to speak anything but French. To Matthew, he just wanted to be comforted. He wanted to feel his Papa's strong arms around him, telling him everything would be alright.

"Matt, Matthew, it's ok, it was just a dream, I'm here, Matthew. Alfred, remember?" He knew he was touching him, but figured that under the circumstances it was all he could do. He wanted to hold him, tell him that everything would be alright, but right now even holding his shoulders would probably send him into another fit.

Matthew didn't realize just what he was doing for a minute as he sobbed openly into Alfred's arm. All he knew was that he was ok and that no one was trying to hurt him. "Please..." He mumbled this time in English, still completely distraught. "Make the bad feelings go away..."

Taking that to mean he was alright to touch him, Alfred sat on the bed, wrapping an arm around the shaking shoulders. He tried keeping his heart rate down by how close they were. "It's alright, no one can hurt you, Matt. I'm here for you, and I won't leave. It's ok..." He just kept repeating the same things, hoping they would sink in eventually. Matthew was still crying into his arm, and hopefully he wouldn't suddenly realize what he was doing and start freaking out again.

All but burying his face into Alfred's shoulder, Matthew continued to sob and shake, occasionally murmuring something in French or English. He hadn't had such a vivid nightmare like that for a while, but it still felt incredibly real. It was so bad that he couldn't even feel bad about being so close to Alfred; not after how kind his embrace was. It was nothing like the bruising grasp of the lieutenants and other soldiers.

Not even really thinking about what he was doing, Alfred climbed into the bed, holding Matthew to him, still whispering things to him. He couldn't just leave him like this, there was no way he could. It was amazing that he was even this close to him, so obviously he needed it.

Shaking himself to exhaustion, Matthew barely felt anything as he slowly started to fall asleep. There was a moment when he was scared in case his dream came back, but at the moment he felt so safe in Alfred's arms that he knew it would be ok. Obviously his body was still too shocked to worry. _"Merci Alfred_." Matthew whispered before relaxing into slumber.

Not too sure what the first word meant, Alfred was still glad to hear his name. It proved that Matthew actually was aware of what was going on around him at the moment.

He could kind of understand what he was going through. After all the fighting and death, he had realistic dreams every once in a while, afraid he was back in all the horrors. But it was nothing like what Matthew had been through, and continually went through, even as the days wore on.

.oOo.

The next morning Matthew could somewhat remember waking up in the middle of the night from a nightmare, but it still didn't help the small gasp he tried to hold back when he saw Alfred sleeping on the edge of the bed. The American was practically off it: his leg and arm hanging off the side. Matthew could tell that he had made sure not to touch him, and the fact sent both flutters and regret coursing through his body. It made him happy that he cared so much not to have him become defencive, but Matthew didn't want him to feel like he had to make sure not to touch him.

Maybe Alfred didn't know yet, but it felt obvious to Matthew that whenever the other man got too close he would become defencive. It was hard not to for him. Still, he felt warm when he realized just how caring the 'war hero' had been for him when they still hardly knew each other.

"Alfred..." He whispered, sitting up on the bed before shaking his shoulder lightly. "Maybe..." He swallowed, not wanting to finish that thought. _Maybe you should go back before my body betrays me again_.

Slowly waking up, Alfred looked at the figure hovering over him, remembering what had happened. Well, at least he looked better now. But he realized he was still in Matthew's bed, so he should probably leave now. Last night, after Matt had fallen asleep, Alfred had gone to the side, so he would the there if something happened again, but so they wouldn't be touching.

"Hey... How are you feeling?" He asked, sitting up. It was a good thing the bed was fairly big.

Bringing his legs up to his body, he held onto them with his arms, subconsciously closing himself off to Alfred. "I am feeling much better thank you. I appreciate your help, though I am sorry for being a pain... Was... Was I loud?" All he could remember was waking up and wanting comfort like when he was a child with a scraped knee. He could remember his Papa's voice; deep in his chest as he sang to help him feel better. His Mama would be the one who kissed it better before telling him he was ok. A few tears slipped past his eyelashes at the memories.

"Well, you, uh, screamed at one point." And the neighbours probably thought there was a murder going on, but he didn't say that. He stood up, not wanting to bring anything up again by being in the same bed. "I... gotta go to work. I'll see you after." He didn't really want to leave, but it would help them both calm down.

Nodding, Matthew let himself sit on his bed in silence; listening to the sounds of Alfred getting ready for work. He couldn't help but feel terrible that he caused too many problems, but he also knew he couldn't very well help it.

When he finally heard the door close and lock, the wavy haired blond got up and made his bed before going to the kitchen. A piece of bread later and he sat at the kitchen table, feeling terrible. Maybe if he cleaned it would be better...

It only took him a bit of searching before Matthew found a feather duster. It was the least he could do with what he knew how to use. Carefully moving the small amount of things Alfred had out, he made short work of dusting the living room before going on to the rest of the house. It didn't seem proper to go into the man's room, so he left it to ask for permission later.

In all, it had only taken Matthew an hour to dust all of the rooms he felt comfortable going into. Now he had nothing to do. Deciding he had nothing better to do, the blond hesitantly picked up the newspaper and started looking over the patterns of letters on the page. It was going to feel amazing when he could actually decipher them.

.oOo.

Getting home after work, Alfred opened the door and looked around. He saw Matthew sitting at the table, his head in his arms, fast asleep. He smiled, going over to him. There was a newspaper near him, as well as a piece of paper with scribbles on it. After a minute, he realized they were supposed to be letters.

Going to the couch, Alfred grabbed a blanket and put it around Matt's shoulders. He didn't want to wake him up, because he looked so peaceful. The table didn't look very comfortable, but he didn't want to carry him to his bed in case he woke up and freaked out.

In the kitchen, he was glad to see they had the makings of hamburgers. He could cook at least one meal. It had been a while, but Alfred was sure he could do it. He started getting everything together, remembering how to make them.

Matthew jumped awake when he simultaneously remembered he fell asleep on the dining table and heard the obnoxious _beepbeepbeep_s coming from something. Getting to his feet so he could run or protect himself if he needed to, the blond was confused at the blanket but even more from seeing a cloud of smoke coming from the stove top and Alfred on a chair waving a dishcloth next to a little machine on the roof. "H-Hello Alfred." He said, his heart beating in his ears.

"Hey! Sorry I woke you!" Alfred had to yell over the sound of the fire alarm. It wasn't a real fire! It was just smoke from his hamburgers. Well, they weren't so much hamburgers anymore, but as long as the house wasn't burning down it was fine.

Hurrying over to Alfred's side, Matthew looked at the food on the stove. "Is there anything I can do to help?" Getting closer to the source of the sound hurt his ears with it's shrill pitch. Something about it made him think of Europe, but he couldn't quite think why. It looked like the stove was already off, taking one of the things off his mental list.

Still waiving the dishcloth, Alfred got better footing on the chair. "Could you open all the windows? We have to get this smoke out!" It wasn't his fault, really. It had been a long time since he had cooked anything, he defended in his mind.

Nodding, Matthew had started to cough when he went around opening windows. His eyes were burning with the smoke, and he forced himself not to think of the rancid smell of burning flesh that had been much too common in Germany for him. This wasn't there, and it was only something Alfred had tried to make to help him that was burning.

Once the smoke had become less dense, the alarm finally went off. Alfred gave a few coughs, having been right in the thick of it. He checked his burgers, to see they were completely burnt to a crisp. With an oven mit, he threw them into the garbage and coughed more.

"What would you wish for me to make something instead?" Matthew asked as he went back to where Alfred was standing. Being awoken like that had his heart beating incredibly fast. "And for dessert?"

"Whatever." Alfred turned around, putting a smile on his face. He had tried doing one thing, and it had turned into a disaster. "Are you alright? That was a lot of smoke." And he was also very rudely woken up. Well, at least it hadn't been serious.

"I am fine Alfred, thank you for the concern. I would at least like to know if you would still like red meat or something else." Now that he was awake he felt bad for not cooking earlier, but it was strangely sweet that the American wanted to cook for them even after all he had been doing.

Scrubbing the charcoal marks from the pan, Alfred quickly gave up and decided to let it soak. "It really doesn't matter. Whatever you wanna make will obviously be better than what I can make." He had never before realized just how bad he was at normal house hold stuff. It had never bothered him before, but now that it wasn't just him, he felt useless.

Nodding, Matthew asked shyly. "After... After we eat, may you help me read today? Unless you are tired from work, I will understand." He had already been trying to get used to the letters and patterns in English but he had no idea what it meant yet.

"Yeah, I can." Alfred said, hoping he would be a good enough teacher. The doc would probably be way better, considering he knew way more stuff and was more patient. But he would still try, because Matthew was asking him to.

Going into the fridge to see what they had, Matthew bowed his head. "Thank you Alfred. I appreciate it immensely." Even if he didn't find a job that he was qualified for, at least he would start learning to read. Maybe he wouldn't be able to get a job until he could read.

"You are way too polite. This is America, home of the brave and the rude." He gave a laugh, going to close the windows since the smoke had pretty much all dissipated. He went to get a glass of water to wash out the taste of ash.

"I couldn't be rude to you. Not after what your country did for my people. Not after what you did for me." Matthew explained, looking to the floor shyly. "You brought me to America and saved me from hell. Being polite is all I feel I can do to honour you."

Sitting down, Alfred closed his eyes. "Matt, I only did what any normal human being would do. And I wasn't the only one who saved you." Why did he think he was some sort of hero? It was crazy, because he didn't even know how horrified he had been when he had been forced to join the army.

Matthew started making a salad with chicken to put on top. "You were the one to make sure I was ok. You could have just let me go off to Ukraine, but you asked me to come live with you. Please stop believing you have done nothing to help me, because you are much too kind." He felt bad for 'fighting' with Alfred, but he wanted to let him know just how he felt about it.

"And you have to stop believing that you owe me anything." The American said, smiling. If Matthew ever knew what he thought about him, he would not trust him as much. It was bad enough now when they accidentally touched, with the exception of that one night.

Biting his lips so he didn't respond with 'but you saved my life', Matthew continued to make the simple meal. Bringing it over when everything was ready, he bowed his head. "Here you are. I'm so-..." He trailed off, blushing slightly at already going against Alfred's will. "I'm sure it will be delicious."

"Of course it will. You make the best food." Alfred smiled again, taking a bite. Yup, as always it was perfect. "Are you still wanting to find a job? Not that you have to, but if you wanted to I saw a sign today." It was at a library, and he thought that would be perfect for him.

The blond perked up and met Alfred's eyes for a second before embarrassedly looking away. "Where was it?" Maybe this way he wouldn't have to inconvenience Alfred further by making him read out the jobs in the paper as well as teach him to read.

Pushing around the bits of chicken, Alfred bit his lip. "A library. Which you could do, especially when you start reading." It might be difficult for him now, but he was sure that Matthew could do it. He was always really determined, so he could probably do anything.

"A... Library? Is..." Matthew paused to think of what the word was in French. "A place with books? Many books?" He started getting excited but at the same time upset. "But if I can't read, why would they employ me? There are many people more qualified at that than me when I can barely remember the alphabet."

"Don't worry, it will probably only be like putting books back on shelves and stuff. It's a big library so they need a lot of that." He already spoke to someone, and they said it would probably be possible. "And working with books so much will probably help you learn faster."

Nodding Matthew continued eating before asking another question. "Do you... Do you think they would have French books too? I would like to try to teach myself to read in French after English." It would feel like more of an accomplishment to him since it was his father that tried to get him to read.

"Um, yeah probably. I think they have a lot of different languages." Alfred finished his chicken salad and took a big gulp of water. They probably even had German, the assholes who started the war.

Matthew's eyes lit up as he continued to eat. By now he was getting used to eating as much as a normal person. "May we still read tonight? And after may you give me the directions to the library? Even if they do not employ me I would still like to look."

"Sure." Alfred put his dishes in the sink, washing them as well as the ones Matthew had used to cook. "You said you know the alphabet, right? And I saw you were writing it." He mentioned the piece of paper.

Blushing lightly, Matthew shrugged. "I guess I know it a bit. Not very well though. My father and I only went over it a few times." He tried to write them down, but his hand didn't seem to listen as he made scribbles instead of letters.

Alfred nodded, wondering where they would start. "It would really help if my dad was here to teach you. He knows _all_ about the English language." He gave a laugh, remembering his father's face when he said he wanted to move out at sixteen.

"It is a shame. I am sure he would be of help, but I believe you will be perfectly adapt at helping me." Matthew mumbled awkwardly, not sure if he had a very good relationship with his father. He sure hoped so, because he would like to congratulate him on having such a heroic son.

Taking out paper and pencil once he was finished with the dishes, Alfred sat down at the table. "Alright, let's start with writing the alphabet. This is A." He proceeded writing the whole alphabet, capitals and lowercase. "Now you try."

Taking the pencil in his hand, Matthew nibbled on his bottom lip unconsciously as he tried to write out the letters. It almost hurt to write; like he was putting too much pressure unlike Alfred who had written them effortlessly. Finally finishing with the Z, he looked over the mess of lines. "At least they look somewhat similar." He congratulated himself.

Giving a small laugh, Alfred looked at them. "Better than when I was starting. Alright, now for the sounds." They spent the next while sounding them all out. That Matthew had a little more trouble with, with his accent and everything, but it wasn't bad.


	7. Chapter 7

Just like every night since coming to America, Matthew awoke in the middle of the night with a start. He was getting used to the nightmares, but this one was particularity bad; just like the one when Alfred had comforted him. Already he could feel the tears pour down his cheeks without abandon as he made up his mind. Alfred shouldn't mind if he was to ask to be comforted again, would he? He seemed to be fine with it last time.

Getting out of his bed quietly, Matthew padded over to Alfred's room while trying to forget this dream. He hadn't seen it, but he knew just which chamber his parents had died unfairly in. Matthew could still hear the screams of the others watching, making him cry more as he knocked on the door.

"A-Alfred?" He stuttered through the door, not quite trusting his voice at the moment. "_Laissez-moi entrer, s'il vous plaît..._"

Opening his eyes slowly, Alfred wasn't completely sure if what he had just heard had been in his dream or real life. Why would anyone be speaking French anyway? Unless it was Matthew, but why would he be speaking French at his door? Just to make sure, he got out of bed and quickly put on some pants, then opened the door.

Matthew was looking to the floor as the door in front of him opened. "Est-ce qu-... May... May I come in?" His voice cracked, fresh tears mingling with dry ones on his smooth skin. Raising a hand to brush them away, his body started to jolt with quiet, hiccoughing sobs.

His instincts were to rush forward, wiping the tears away and comfort him. But of course Alfred stayed away. This was different from last time, this time Matthew seemed fully awake. Instead he just stepped out of the way so he could get into the room. "Yeah, of course."

Feeling more embarrassed now, Matthew still walked into the American's room and sat down on his bed hesitantly. "I'm s-sorry..." He whispered, putting his face in his hands to hide his tears. "You probably d-don't want t-to see me cry..."

Sitting beside him on the bed, the American took a chance and used one finger to lower Matthew's hands from his face so he could look him in the eye. He didn't freak out, so that was a good sign. "Matt, you do whatever you need to do. If you need to cry in my bed, that is completely fine with me." More than fine, actually.

"I..." He started to say, his eyes shining with tears and his face scrunching up in pain. "I saw them Alfred..." Matthew paused, wringing his wrists that had started to become normal sized. "There was nothing... I couldn't do anything... The soldiers had me and... I saw them _die_."

Since he was alright with the first physical contact, Alfred put his hand lightly on Matthew's back, rubbing small circles. "There was nothing you could have done. No one could ever blame you." He was fairly sure he was talking about his family, but didn't want to say anything just in case.

Matthew's back went straight as he felt the hand trying to comfort him. It was a nice gesture, but his body couldn't forget the ones that would pretend to be nice before turning out to be the most violent ones. "But I could have! I c-could have run... I could have..." _Stopped them from raping me _his mind finished. He wanted to cover his face again, but instead he just rubbed the tears off. "I... Please don't think less of me... I know you had a hard time during the war as well... I am not the only one with 'demons'."

Able to tell that his hand was not helping, Alfred let it drop to his side. "My first mission out was in a field. It was supposed to be easy, simple. Anyone could do it, they said. That was still going through my head as my friend, right next to me, fell to the ground." He took a breath, remembering the incident. But he had to do this, to show Matthew that he wasn't the only one that feels helpless. "At first I thought he just tripped, but then I saw the blood. Another soldier fell. There must have been a sniper somewhere, but we didn't know where. As more of them kept getting killed, all I could do was hide. The only other one left, I can't even remember his name, ran forward. I guess he knew where the sniper was." He closed his eyes bit his lip. "We hadn't known he was running into a mine field. I was the only one to come back alive, and they congratulated me. Me, the only one who was so cowardly to hide. They wanted to give me a medal, but I refused it. No one should have a medal for being a coward." Hopefully that story wasn't for nothing, and it would make Matthew feel better.

Looking over to Alfred with wide eyes as he heard a story of his time in Europe, Matthew's hand twitched before putting it on Alfred's shoulder. "But you c-couldn't have saved me if you died. I am sorry for your loss." He whispered, more tears falling for both of them now as he let his hand slip to the bed. "May... May I sleep here tonight?" He was nervous that he might wake up and think Alfred was a German soldier because of his blue eyes, but he trusted him.

"Of course." Well, it looked like it worked somewhat. Why didn't Matthew realize that he would have been saved anyway even if he wasn't there? After all, there had been many people freeing that camp, surely one soldier wouldn't have made a difference.

Shuffling onto the bed, he supported himself with a hand on the bed as he rubbed his puffy eyes. "I'm sorry to have disturbed you." It was obvious by his story that he had his fair share of nightmares, but he hadn't crawled to Matthew because of them like he was. "I really do appreciate this Alfred. I..." He paused to swallow his unspent tears. "I want to trust you. I am trying very hard because I know it hurts you as much as it hurts me." Even if they were innocent touches, he was thrown into fear by them, and the smaller blond didn't like it at all.

Also going under the covers, Alfred laid down on the far side of the bed. "Trust comes with time. It's only been a month, so it's no wonder it's not perfect." He gave a small smile, turning off the lamp by the bed. "Good night."

"_Bonsoir_ Alfred." Matthew mumbled, his nightmare and tears making him suddenly drained of energy. He really hoped that he would someday be able to trust strangers enough to not feel like they were enemies, and even more so that Alfred and he could have a normal friendship.

.oOo.

"You will do fine, now come on or you will be late for your first day." Alfred said, handing Matthew a jacket. He had been hired at the library, and the American had said he would take him there and pick him up after, since it was a weekend and he was not working himself.

Shuffling on the spot, he fretted. "What if I forget the alphabet and I can't remember where a book will go? What if someone asks me where a book is and I can't read the card with it's name?" Matthew was full of anxiety, but at the same time elation. He was finally going to be able to pay back at least a small part of the costs to have him live in Alfred's home.

"You have been practising the alphabet all the time except for sleeping. You will do fine." Over the past week, they had even gone over some simple words. Also, Matthew could now spell his name perfectly. He had looked so happy when he managed it.

"I hope so... Thank you for taking me to work Alfred. I appreciate it." Still, Matthew couldn't help but be nervous. This was his first paid job and he was scared his boss wouldn't think he was good enough. Maybe... Maybe he could borrow a few easy books to try and read.

Opening the front door, Alfred waited for his companion. Luckily the place was within walking distance, so they wouldn't have to flag down a cab. They hurried down the busy streets, making it ten minutes early. "Alright, have a great first day."

Nodding, Matthew blushed as he got the urge to hug Alfred. Instead, he just nodded again. "Thank you again. I hope to pay you when I get my first cheque."

"No no no no. This is your job, you are doing the work, so this money will be for you to use, and you to use only." Alfred said, putting up his hands. He was alright with Matthew getting a job, but was determined to not let him give him any money.

"But... I have nothing I would like to buy. Maybe I will buy ingredients since I have always tried to save you money... Maybe we could have _paupiettes du veal_..." Matthew drifted off before shaking his wavy hair around. "No, I will save my money for you." He decided.

Rolling his eyes, Alfred decided to leave this for another day. "Whatever. I will pick you up at four, please don't leave without me." They weren't in a bad part of town, but he still didn't like the idea of Matthew walking alone in the streets.

"I won't. Good bye Alfred." Matthew said quietly, feeling somewhat scared to not be around the one person he had managed to start building a sense of trust with. Turning around he went further inside to find where he was told to meet his new boss.

Putting his head down on the counter, Heracles let his eyes close for a second. There was no one around, anyway. He really loved this job, because it was so slack. But he wasn't aloud to bring any cats in, so he couldn't get a real good sleep.

Seeing the man who would be his employer, Matthew coughed politely to try and get his attention. "Excuse me Mr. Karpusi..." He said quietly, not wanting to wake him up, but needing to. "I am Matthew Bonnefoy... I am your new employee..."

Looking up, Heracles gave a lazy smile. "Hi. I'm Heracles. Nice to meet you." He held out a hand, wondering if anyone had told him about a new employee. Oh well, here he was, so obviously they had hired someone. "So... want a tour?"

"Ah, yes please! I am sorry to interrupt!" Matthew apologized after shaking the man's hand. "I have only been here once before, and I am excited to become an asset to your workforce."

Wow, this new employee seemed really eager. "Alright. Well this is the front desk." Heracles got off his chair and started showing Matthew the different sections. "Hm... and I think this is probably historical fiction... Or maybe just historical..."

Nodding as Heracles showed him around, Matthew made sure to try and memorize the patterns of each word to be able to read it later. They continued around the library before they were back to the front desk. "May I ask what my job will be exactly?" He asked so he would know for sure. If all he had to do was put books away, then hopefully he wouldn't come into contact with many people. The quiet man was ok, because he didn't act or look like the men from Germany.

Scratching his head, the Greek man looked around. "Um... I don't know... What can you do?" There wasn't much that needed done really. It was a big library, but fairly low maintenance. "Maybe dust? What were you told you would be doing?"

"I can clean if that is a bigger priority, but I was told that I would be helping to put the books away." Matthew answered, hoping he wasn't hired to take someone's job. Still it would be nice to have a job for the first time in his life, and he had a person he could give the money to.

"Oh, ok that works. Here is a cart." Heracles pushed it over to him, but it wasn't really full. "These are all for the languages section. After that, there are other boxes for other sections. I will be here, signing out books for people." Even if almost everyone was working and therefore wouldn't be at the library. But it still needed to be done!

Matthew tried to keep his excitement down as he nodded. "I will do my best." With that, he pushed the cart down the aisles, looking for the shelves titled 'languages'. Didn't the word start with an 'L'? Matthew continued to sound it out on his tongue, feeling happy when he found the right place. It didn't take much time for him to categorize them by the language printed on their spines but he felt his eyes and fingers linger on the French ones. One day, he had promised his papa, he would be able to read one.

.oOo.

Alfred walked around the house, cleaning. He really had nothing else to do. He glanced at the clock. It hadn't even been an hour yet! It was sad how dependant on Matthew he had become. He was just always there, so he hadn't needed to worry. But now, he was all alone with nothing to do. Dammit, he missed him.

Going into Matthew's room, Alfred started cleaning in there. He took the sheets and pillow cases, going to put them in the laundry basket for next laundry day. He was about to throw them in, but instead he had them bunched up against his face, because they smelt like him. How strange is that? Just because the shy man was beautiful... or was it more than that?

Did he have deeper feelings for the man he had taken home? But that was absurd, they were both men! But that still didn't explain why he was sniffing a pillow case...

* * *

Tell us how you liked Greece! It was my first time writing him, so hopefully it was alright.


	8. Chapter 8

The next few hours went by without a hitch as Matthew put away more and more books. There were occasionally people he would see out of the corner of his eye that would make him jump, but he would be fine. Nothing happened to him, and he was glad of that fact.

Done with his shift, Matthew brought the last cart back to the front and got Heracles' attention once again. "May I leave now Mr. Karpusi?"

Turning to the small voice, Heracles nodded. "Good work today. You were a great help." Because otherwise, he would have had to put away all those books by himself! And that wouldn't be fun at all. He waved at the new employee, wondering how long until he could go home. His cats must be lonely.

"B-Before I forget, is it allowable that employees borrow books as well?" Matthew asked timidly, wringing his hands. When the brunet nodded, he ran back to where he put away the children's books and brought a colourful one out and presented it to him. "May I borrow this one?"

"This is a library, Matthew. Borrowing books is kinda our business. You can borrow any book you want." He didn't have a library card, but since he was an employee he could just make him one after the fact and give it to him his next shift.

Blushing, he nodded. "Thank you very much. I will be on time next week as well. I hope you have a good week." He said in a rush, embarrassed by his slip. Hopefully Al was outside so he wouldn't have to wait very much for him...

Just as he wished, the American was standing outside, his back to the door and his hands in his pocket. "Hello Alfred!" He said, glad to see the one person he felt mostly comfortable around.

Alfred turned around and smiled. So what if he had been here half an hour early? "Hey. How was your first day?" He asked, pushing himself off the wall and walking closer. But not too close. Then he might smell him and have those thoughts again.

"Very good! I was allowed to borrow a book!" He said, holding said object out for Alfred to see. "I was hoping that we might be able to look over it. I thought it would be easy enough for me to try and read."

Smiling as he saw the colourful book, Alfred took it in his hands. "Yeah, sure this will work." It seemed familiar, so maybe he had read it when he was a kid. It was sure to have simple words for Matthew to follow easily, so it would be perfect.

Taking the book back, they started the short walk home. "What would you like for dinner today Alfred? I have time today to make something more complex if you wish." If he didn't he figured he could just clean some more or help Alfred with something.

"Whatever you make." It was strange how Matthew always asked him, even if he always gave the same answer. Oh well, it didn't matter much. Alfred took the keys out of his pocket, opening the door.

Walking into the house, Matthew let out a small gasp. "You cleaned everything." He stated simply before blushing. "I didn't mean for it to sound like that, I was just surprised that you actually cleaned! I mean!" He blushed a darker shade of red, hiding his face behind the book. "I can explain..."

Laughing, Alfred hung up his coat. "Well, I didn't get to the ceilings, so not everything." It had been so long, and there was only so much he could clean! It had gotten to the point that he moved the stove in the kitchen to clean under there.

His face still beet red, Matthew took off his own coat and hung it beside the other. "I... I didn't mean for it to be an insult. I am just so used to cleaning I feel as if I have nothing to do now when you work." Because that was what he had mostly done. That and try to read the newspaper despite it being somewhat confusing with its big words.

"I didn't take it as an insult, it's fine. I was a bit bored, that's all." He wouldn't tell him that he had also been cleaning to get his mind off of things. It actually helped a little, but not much. He was still worried about liking another guy, and now that that other guy was here, it was even worse.

Matthew nodded. "I understand. I will make dinner now, if that is ok." He mumbled, still quite embarrassed. He had made a fool of himself in front of Alfred! "I will feel much better when I can buy my own clothes and such as well as ingredients. If you will not let me give you money, I will buy things so you will not have to."

Which wouldn't stop Alfred from buying them anyways. He could call them gifts and stuff like that. He went to go sit down and watch some Television. He really liked his Television. It wasn't a new fancy color one, but it was still pretty good. He hadn't actually seen a color Television, but wasn't sure if he would like them. You probably couldn't see very well with them.

Getting the ingredients and cutlery he would need to make tonight's dinner, Matthew jumped when he heard people's voices. "Wh-what's that?" He asked confused as to just where those voice's were coming from.

"The Television." Alfred was sure he had watched it before with Matthew in the room, hadn't he? Oh well, now he could show him. "Come in here and see it. Guess you never would have seen one before." It had cost a pretty penny when he had gotten it, but it was sure better than a radio.

Going over to where Alfred was sitting, he just stared at the people on the screen. "Is this what the mystery box does?" He asked, totally in awe. Matthew had seen ones before, just never like this. They were always just a box with a bulging glass screen. "Why are there people inside? How do they fit?"

Laughing, Alfred walked up to it, changing the sound. "They aren't in the box, don't worry. It's just a moving picture." That explained it best. That is how it was explained to him, after all. Then he moved the bunny ears, to show Matthew that it wasn't people in the box.

"Is this like radio? How people sit somewhere and their voice goes somewhere else?" He asked, sitting cross-legged in front of the box. Now he knew what it was used for! "What is normally on this... Television?"

"Different stuff. Like now it's a comedy called the Three Stooges. It's so hilarious!" He laughed as Larry hit Moe with a ladder. Classic! It had to be one of the best things on Television!

Watching the various antics, Matthew didn't stop himself before reaching forward to touch the screen. "Why do people have these? Does it play music too like radio?"

"Um, I guess it can." After all, it played music at the beginning of shows. "But it's for entertainment. For fun, you know?" He moved the bunny ears again, trying to get a better signal. Their voices sounded a little funny, but... There we go, perfect. He looked back, seeing Matthew sitting forward in his seat and squinting to see. He had noticed he had done this a few other times... "Hey, I'll be right back." Going to his room, the American started looking through his drawers. He was sure he had an old pair of glasses here somewhere... He found them in a corner of his closet and pulled them out.

When Alfred came back to the room, Matthew looked back to his figure before he came into focus. "What is it?" He asked quietly, staying still on the floor. It looked like the thing on Alfred's face but he couldn't really tell from where he was.

"Here, try these on." Alfred said, handing him the glasses. Slowly, Matthew took them and hooked them behind his ears. "Can you see better?"

Blinking in surprise, Matthew asked again. "What happened?" When he put the thing on his face, suddenly he could see everything in the room as clear as if he was right next to the object. He didn't even have to squint to see things! "Why is everything... Clear? What are these?"

Laughing, Alfred sat down. "They're called glasses. You must be near sighted, like me. It means you can only see things that are close. But glasses help you to see." If possible, they made him look even cuter. But, as long as Matthew could see better. Considering they were only his old ones, they probably weren't perfect, but it was better than nothing.

"Oh, thank you." He said quietly, before turning to the black and white figures on the tv. "My family had an old radio we would sit and listen to every Sunday night. My mama said she wanted us to learn about the world and pretend like we were travelling with the songs and voices from other countries." Little did she know they would be forced to Germany.

Smiling, Alfred sat back. This was nice, having a normal conversation, with nothing sexual at all. Yes, this was good and allowed him to think about other things. "Did you learn about America? We don't have much culture, but we have good music."

Matthew shook his head. "Not really. Most of the news was about weather in France and the rest of Europe. Only when the war started did it start to be about America and the allies." Still watching the screen, Matthew was enthralled. This was amazing!

"You can watch it whenever you want, you know." Alfred said, watching as Matthew's eyes went wide with what was happening on the screen. Now he was really glad he had gotten it, because watching him like this was great.

Not responding for a second, he tore his eyes away and blinked. "Thank you Alfred." Matthew smiled before jumping up hurriedly. "I forgot about dinner!" And it wasn't even close to being ready!

Giving a small laugh, Alfred continued watching the three men on the Television. He was so happy at such small things! It was amazing how little it took to make Matthew insanely thankful, but maybe that was one of the reasons he liked him?

A while later, Matthew had their meal finished as he called out. "May... May we eat out there? I want to watch the box." He blushed, looking to the ground as if he did something wrong.

Laughing, Alfred got out the Television trays he had. It was a good thing they came in packs, or else he would have only gotten one. "It's a Television, not a box." He was still laughing, helping Matthew with the plates. He was just so cute!

Nodding the blond mumbled the word to himself. "Didn't you say there were many things on it? How does it work? Isn't this just a radio that can play pictures?" He was very curious about it, because he had seen some when they were off before, but never knew what they were used for.

Standing up and going to the controls again, Alfred pointed to the buttons. "We have channels, just like radios. So if you don't like what's on one channel, you have two more to choose from." He explained, showing him how to change the channels.

Matthew just nodded again before staring at the television before starting to eat. It was strange, but he already knew he wasn't going to touch it in case he broke it. It would be better to save up his money than to have to buy something he destroyed.

Munching on the great food, Alfred continued laughing at the three men on the screen until it changed to another show. He was disappointed, because the Three Stooges was one of his favorite. "See? Now something else comes on."

"I understand. It is strange, but I know not to question things." Especially all the tall buildings and such he saw around New York. Just how did they not fall? The magic of America, Matthew supposed. Still, it was better than the curses of Germany and his life in Europe. He would always miss France, but he knew he would never return. It wouldn't feel like home any more, or even feel safe.

Looking away from the screen, Alfred watched Matthew instead. To see him so amazed by something was so cute. Of course he was cute no matter what he was doing. He gave a small sigh. That pretty much decided it, didn't it? He, Alfred F. Jones was gay, and in love with his traumatized roommate.

* * *

So I know always saying Television sounds awkward, but I don't think they would have said TV back then.


	9. Chapter 9

Sitting on the barstool of his favourite pub, David nursed a pint of beer in his hands as he looked over to Alfred. "How have you been the last few months? I almost thought you forgot about me Al!" He cheered, hitting him on the back in a good mood. He had barely seen Alfred during the war except when he brought the thin blond man to be looked over.

Laughing, Alfred drank his own beer. "Sorry, been busy getting Matthew used to the place. How about you, doc?" He had gotten a call a few days ago, saying the doc would be here for a week. "Can you believe it has been three months since the war ended?" Matt had been working at the library for two months already, and still tried giving him money. Every time, he refused.

Shrugging, he answered truthfully. "I can and I can't. Every time I wake up I expect to see and smell the death, but instead I see my wife sleeping next to me. I guess I can't let go of the horrors, but it doesn't mean I don't want to. On a lighter note, is Matthew doing well? I'm still somewhat surprised you took him under your wing like this. I thought you were more of an 'all around' hero?" David laughed.

Shaking his head, Alfred looked down. "I'm no hero. Even knowing what he has gone through..." He knew he had to get this off his chest. He had spent two months hoping, praying he wouldn't see Matthew naked, or dream about him when he occasionally slept with him and had nightmares. Doc was the only person he could possibly tell.

The doctor nodded. "We all went through some bad things, but he definitely got the short end of the stick. I did warn you that he might not trust you completely though. You can't let your pain for his past get in the way of his recovery. What he needs is someone to trust Al, and I wouldn't want him to have anyone else to fill that spot. Your heart is big enough for two." It was somewhat obvious due to the blond's beauty and Alfred wanting to take care of him just how he felt. Even if they had a 'don't ask, don't tell' policy in the army, they were more than brothers in arms.

"But he can't trust me! I mean, dammit, sometimes I worry that I will... that I will," He lowered his voice, not wanting to be heard by anyone else, "do the same things to him that that guy did. Fuck, or _those _guys, for all we know!" He had managed to control himself so far, but was still worried about it all the time.

"You won't. You'd never let yourself." David said sternly, looking into Alfred's worry-clouded eyes. "After how many years you'd think I'd know you enough to say that. I never said Matthew wouldn't recover or wouldn't learn to trust you, I just said he would probably not. If you are as nice to him as I imagine, it will be fine."

Cooling his forehead off with his drink, Alfred gave a small smile at his friend's confidence in him. But it fell quickly. "Dave, he has nightmares. A lot of them. And he crawls into my bed when he does. Once he came in, and I was only in boxers!"

"But you don't force yourself on him, do you?" When he just shook his head, David nodded his in return. "That's what I thought. If he wants to be comforted when he has a nightmare and you're ok with it, why not? It will help with his trust issue. Maybe he will tell you what happened to him." If the blond did, then it would be obvious that he was at least on his path to being able to at least trust Alfred, if not others.

"That's not the point. What if one day I do force myself on him? Before it wasn't too bad, because he basically kept his distance, but now he has gotten closer to me and is alright touching my arm and things like that. You don't know how hard it is to not do anything!" Oh, how many times had he been in the shower, hoping the spray of the water was enough so that Matthew wouldn't hear him moan out his name when he finished?

Finishing off his beer with one large gulp, the former war doctor ordered another from the pub. "Al, if you keep thinking like that then you will. If it's too hard on you to have him there, then why don't you help him find a new place to stay? You can still talk with him that way, but you won't be tempted to feel like you're going to force him to do anything."

Deciding to order another beer so maybe he wouldn't have to answer that, Alfred gulped it down. Sure, it was torture holding himself back, but could he really let Matthew live somewhere else? Of course if he asked, the American couldn't say no, but he couldn't just live alone now.

"I'd like to think I know you Al. You aren't one to decide to do things and then give up. You're head is too hard for that. Matthew would have stayed alive without your help, but he wouldn't have ever lived. You do what you think you should, but I'm saying that I think Matthew needs you now. You've been too big an influence on his healing."

"If you say so." He mumbled, drinking more beer. Well, if he got anything out of tonight, it would be alcohol. He hadn't gotten drunk in so long! Of course, he wouldn't have too much, and not even be able to walk home.

Taking another swig, David smiled. "Now how about we get doing what we came here for?"

.oOo.

Late into the night, Matthew found himself laying on his bed, staring up at his ceiling. He didn't know why it mattered to him so much that Alfred wasn't back yet, but it was the only thing he could think about and it was impeding his attempts at sleep. A sudden knock was heard from the main door making him jump. Should he go answer it?

Against his better judgment, the small blond went to the door with his bushy hair and large pyjamas to answer it. Peeking his head outside in case it was a stranger, he was shocked to see Alfred leaning against the door frame with a silly grin on his face. "Alfred?" He whispered, smelling the beer on his breath. If it had been a few months ago, he would have backed up and ran away, used to the smell from his nights with some of the guards and other higher-ranking men.

"Hey! Sorry, I have my keys, but there are so many!" Alfred said, dangling his four keys in front of his face. He smiled back up at him, thinking about how pretty his lips were. He almost wanted to kiss him, if only he wasn't so far away...

"Alfred, you're obviously drunk. You're even leaning forward." He added, remembering how people would lose their balance. "Would you like me to help you to your room?" It was the least he could do.

Pushing himself back so he wouldn't fall into Matthew, Alfred gave another smile. "N'I can walk to my bed." He slurred, and took a step forward. But just as he did, the world tilted and he stumbled. "Damn room, stop fucking moving..."

Matthew just shook his head. "No, I will help you." He didn't want the American to trip and hurt himself. That wouldn't be a very nice thing to do when Alfred had been doing so many nice things for him over the last three months. He was now able to read small novels with only a bit of help for vocabulary and that wouldn't have been possible without his consideration.

Letting one of his arms be thrown over a shoulder -that wasn't completely skin and bones now- Alfred stumbled beside Matthew to his bedroom. "Sthank you, you are sho helpful." How had he drunken so many beers to be this drunk? He could only remember... a few... a few more... maybe...

"I don't know what you are saying, but you are welcome. I..." He paused, worrying his bottom lip between his teeth. "I was worried about you." Matthew continued to walk Alfred to his room, put off by the alcohol smell but not enough now to have his heart racing too hard.

As he was placed down onto his bed, Alfred got under the blankets. "Sthanks, Matt." He leaned up, placing a thank you kiss lightly on his lips, and laid down and fell asleep.

Stepping back quickly, something monstrous roared in Matthew's ears, telling him to run away and fight yet there was also a small, but clearer voice. His first instinct was to escape, but this voice was saying it was fine; that everything was going to be ok. Alfred wasn't going to hurt him, especially not when he was already falling asleep with a small smile on his lips. His lips... They didn't feel rough or demanding like what he used to get. This one felt more like family, but not... Why was this so confusing? Matthew went back to his room with his body trembling a bit.

"Does... Alfred feel that way?" He wondered out loud. Was Alfred homosexual? And what was he going to do about this? Matt was fairly certain he wouldn't remember, so he would just have to pretend as if it never happened... After all, Alfred didn't know about the violent sexual abuse and his own lack of attraction to the opposite sex.

* * *

Sorry for the short chapter. The next scene would have been too long and we didn't want to give you guys a cliff hanger.


	10. Chapter 10

Waking up, Alfred felt like an elephant was standing on his head. It only got worse as he recalled the last few images that were sent to his brain before passing out. He had done it. Fuck, what was he going to do? Matthew probably would never trust him again. He probably thought he was going to be raped, just like in the camp.

Not being able to deal with that in his current state, Alfred got out of bed and went to the door. He had obviously slept in his clothes, but that only meant he didn't have to change. He made sure Matthew wasn't there, slipped out of his room and then out of the house. Oh God, what had he done? He had just ruined three months of trying to help him!

For about an hour, the American just walked around aimlessly, the fresh air making his headache get better. He had to apologize, but how? After that, it wouldn't be good enough just to say it.

As he was thinking this, Alfred heard a small sound. He looked around, trying to find the source, and he saw a beaten up cardboard box. Glancing inside, he let out a breath of surprise as he saw a tiny black and white kitten, meowing for all she was worth. Picking up the delicate body, he smiled. "You have no where to go? Wanna come to America with me?" He gave a small laugh, remembering when he had asked that of Matthew.

Sitting back in Alfred's home, Matthew was at the table with a plate of pancakes he had made up. His brother had taught him when he was young to cook just like him. He always had said he was going to become a famous chef one day. With his head in his hands, he continued to go over last night. Alfred was drunk and came home and kissed him. He kissed Matthew because he was drunk, not because he wanted his body or because he had any feelings except intoxication. If that was a feeling.

Matthew still couldn't help but feel he had a hand in all of this. Would he have been fine if he walked to his room by himself? Maybe Matthew should have just let him sleep as soon as he was on his bed... But he knew he couldn't have lived with himself if Alfred had gotten sick and got hurt because of it... Hopefully the American had no memories of last night.

The kitten tucked safely into his jacket, Alfred hesitantly opened the door. He saw Matthew sitting at the table, so just to announce his presence, he knocked lightly on the door. "Matt? You ok?" He asked, worried about the answer.

Blinking his eyes to focus, Matthew stood up. "Alfred! You're ok! I was worried that you walked off somewhere last night when you were drunk!" He spewed, too worried to care if Alfred would feel awkward about it. He had been getting more used to showing his feelings, and now he was also starting to become less apologetic. "I made brunch! I bought some maple syrup from the store a while ago; we can use it now."

Smiling sheepishly, Alfred walked into the house. He didn't seem like he was tormented by last nights kiss, so that was good. "Um, hey..." Slowly he took out the kitten, who had fallen asleep. But now she woke up, looking around in his hand and giving a small meow. "Sorry for... last night..."

Looking between the kitten and the apologetic smile on Alfred's face, Matthew realized that he must have remembered it. Immediately blushing, he looked to the floor. Sure he had been bothered by it at the time, but now... Now he wasn't sure what he was feeling. It wasn't quite attraction, but maybe a deeper trust? "_Un... Un chaton?"_ He whispered in French, stepping forward to get a better look at the small kitten.

"I found her in a box on the side of the street." He explained, holding the kitten out for Matthew. He assumed what he had said was French, and figured he had said cat or something. "Seriously, Matt, I didn't mean to..."

"You were drunk," Matthew cut him off, keeping his eyes fixated on the cat. "You could not control yourself. I understand." Nevertheless, it had made him a bit nervous, but he was determined to get over it. "Are you sure it is ok to have a kitten?" Matthew was already planning to buy it food and toys with the extra money he had from his job.

Scratching the small black head, Alfred gave a small smile. "Yeah. She's yours, as an apology. What are you going to name her?" She was so small, it was amazing. She must only be a few weeks old, a month at most. They would probably still need to feed her milk.

"I... I do not know any American pet names..." Matthew stuttered, holding the small animal in his cupped palms.

Shrugging, Alfred sat down. "Name her anything you want." He paused, looking down. "Do... you forgive me?"

"There was never something to forgive." Matthew said simply as he pet the small black head. "Maybe... Mimi?" He asked, looking up to Alfred. "It is very cute, just like her. Or Linette? It means 'little lion' in French."

Alfred smiled, leaning forward on his chair. "Like I said, whatever you want. Well, as long as I can pronounce it." He gave a small laugh. Of course there was something to forgive! He had kissed him after all! But did this mean Matthew was alright with it? Obviously he didn't reciprocate his feelings, but if he could live with them...

"It's very difficult..." Matthew admitted, still enamoured with the small kitten in his hands. "Arielle? Fae?" Well... At least with Mimi it was an easier name for Alfred to remember. "Maybe she is a Mimi." Matthew smiled as he pet the underside of her chin.

Breath hitching, Alfred watched Matthew smile down at the cat. He was actually smiling! Occasionally he would have the ghost of a smile, or try to humor him and smile, but this time was an honest smile! It changed his whole face, brightening it up. He tried to hide his amazement. "Mimi sounds good."

Nodding, Matthew let the kitten fall asleep in his palms. "I am glad you agree." Seeing such a defenceless animal stirred something in his heart; something he felt only around Alfred but to a much lesser degree.

Alfred started on the pancakes, still watching Matthew with the small animal. "Do you like her? She reminded me of you." He gave a small laugh, spreading syrup on his food. Yes, all alone, small and in need of help and a home.

"She is adorable." Matthew answered honestly. He wanted to know just how the small, innocent kitten was like him but it wasn't his place to ask. "When can we get her some food? She might need milk for a while yet..."

"Um, I can warm some up. Not sure how we will give it to her..." Maybe they could put it in a plastic bag and poke a small hole in it for her to drink out of. Or maybe she was old enough to drink out of a dish. He went to the fridge, getting some milk anyway.

Placing the sleeping kitten in his lap, Matthew continued to absentmindedly pet it while he watched Alfred. "I really appreciate this. I have always wanted a pet." Now he had something to devote his time to other than cleaning, working or reading. Maybe he could read outloud to Mimi? To him, his pancakes were all but forgotten.

Smiling, Alfred got a pot out. "I'm glad." He was also glad that Matthew hadn't like run away or something after last night. Even just a month ago he would have severely freaked out after something like that. "I'll just make it room temperature."

Matthew nodded as he continued to lavish Mimi with pats. "Maybe we could feed her off a rag. She could suckle it easier that a bag." It was going to be better than anything else; especially than her starving.

Agreeing, Alfred went to get a clean rag. It was cute watching Matthew with such a small animal in his arms. Would he have forgiven him if it wasn't for the kitten? Well, either way he didn't seem to hate the American, so it was all fine.

"Réveilles-toi." Matthew mumbled down to the kitten on his lap. "You must be very hungry, all alone with no mother." He continued to mumble, petting her downy fur. Taking the cloth from Alfred, he nodded and mumbled a quick 'thank you' before Mimi started to mewl.

Watching the small kitten suckle the rag, Alfred held out the bowl he had put the warm milk into, letting Matthew dip it in a few times before Mimi seemed full. "Should we let her walk around? Let her get used to this place?"

"That would be for the best." He said quietly, still surprised at the gesture of bringing the kitten in the first place. Matthew supposed he had been fairly nervous at the time when Al kissed him lightly, but if he couldn't forgive him for that, how could he ever get better? It was still hard enough to work with so many strangers around.

Watching as the black and white animal was placed gently on the floor, Alfred smiled as she curled around Matthew's foot. "She seems to like you." Her small tail was up in the air, the end of it waving slightly. Who would have left such a joy in a box on the side of the road?

"We are taking care of her. It is difficult to not care for the one who helps you survive." The small blond squatted to run his fingers down her spine as she arched into the touch. Hearing her purr quietly made another smile light up Matthew's face.

Oh fuck... did he mean...? No, Matthew couldn't have possibly meant it that way. Alfred gave a sigh, thinking about his life from now on, which was sure to be full of these moments, close to this beautiful blond man but never close enough to feel him.

Hesitantly Matthew stood back up and let Mimi stumble around. "I will do the dishes from brunch now. Is there anything else you would like to eat? I know I didn't make very many, but I wasn't sure when you would be home..." Or if you would be home was implied through his tone.

"It's ok, I can do them." Alfred stood up, making sure he wasn't going to step on poor Mimi. She was just so tiny, she was hard to see! "You cook, I do the dishes, remember?" He smiled, wanting to give Matthew more time to play with the kitten.

He nodded once before looking to the floor. "I appreciate everything you do for me more than you probably realize. I... I am willing to forget last night, if that is what you wish. It..." Matthew stopped himself before he said just what had happened to him in the camp. He didn't want Alfred worrying about that as well.

Did he want Matthew to forget what had happened last night? Sure, he wanted to be forgiven, but to act as if it never happened? Surely Alfred would never forget it, the feel of those soft lips against his, the taste still lingering on his mouth when he woke up the next morning.

"Ah, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you feel uncomfortable. Forget I said anything." Matthew said in a rush, tripping slightly over his words with his French tongue. "Thank you for brining Mimi to our home." He could trust her, since she wouldn't do anything. Maybe he would be able to speak French with her too! Reading French was still a dream, but he still wished to learn.

"I think she will fit in perfectly here." After all, living in this house they now had a soldier that had left home at sixteen and then went to war, a prisoner of a concentration camp that had no living relatives, and a small kitten who had been abandoned on the side of the road.

Matthew nodded before sitting down next to her again. "_I was wanting a family_..." He murmured in French to Mimi. After being in the camp for a few years, he felt like he would never know what it felt like to have people who cared about him again.

"What are you saying? If you train her in French, I will never be able to get her to do anything." Could you train cats? They were like dogs, weren't they? They always seemed to be together, so it would suck if you couldn't train cats.

"No, I am not training her. I am just teaching her." Matthew answered in a full circle. "I miss speaking French." It was his native language, so hopefully Alfred would understand that even though she wouldn't respond, he would still talk to her. Plus then he could talk about things he didn't feel comfortable sharing with Alfred just yet.

Understanding, Alfred just continued washing dishes. "You speak French in your dreams sometimes." He said quietly. The first time it had been quite a shock to him, but over the months he had gotten used to it.

"Do... Do you understand?" Matthew asked quietly back, unsure if it was a good thing or not if he did. "I mean, I am just curious." With the nightmares he had, it would be quiet obvious what was happening by what he said. If it was possible, he was almost surprised he hadn't spoken German in the night since that was what he would speak with the men.

Shaking his head, Alfred quickly finished up the dishes. "No, like I said it was French. It's mostly just you mumbling, with the occasional word." It never seemed like he was having nightmares, because Matthew had said that when he slept in Al's bed it almost completely stopped them.

Looking down to Mimi who was curled up on the floor asleep with her full belly, Matthew asked. "Would you like me to teach you? French that is. I wouldn't mind either way."

Laughing, Alfred turned around. "I wouldn't put you through that torment. Ask my teachers how hard it is to teach me anything, never mind a whole new language." Although, he had learnt a few German words when over there. Not many though.

"Are you sure? I don't want you to feel uncomfortable when I accidentally speak French..." Even if that would give Matthew a way to talk about everything he went through to Mimi, he felt like it was the only thing close to his heart he could offer to the American. "You taught me to read. I feel it is only fair."

"As long as you're not saying bad stuff about me behind my back, I'm fine." Alfred gave a laugh, obviously joking. "Should we watch some Television?" It was funny how Matthew still didn't want to watch it unless the American was there with him.

Looking between the box and the kitten, he nodded. "If you would like to." Of course he was going to have to split his attention threeway, but it would be ok. He truly felt happy now, and Matthew didn't want to ruin it.


	11. Chapter 11

That night, Alfred was laying awake in bed. Well, he hadn't been alone a few minutes ago. Mimi had been in and out of his room, so he left the door open a crack for her. If one good thing had come out of today, it was her. And the fact that maybe now Matthew would be more cautious around him, and not give him any more chances to jump him.

Waking up with a start, Matthew didn't even need to think as he got up from his bed. It had become more of a habit now to sleep with Alfred when he had a nightmare so he didn't think about it. Still, he pushed it open to see if he was awake or not. Not seeing any movement, Matthew started to walk in before he felt Mimi weave between his feet so he picked her up gently as he crawled onto Alfred's bed.

Feeling the movement of the bed, Alfred opened his eyes. He had half been expecting the kitten, even though he hardly felt it when she gets on the bed. "Matt? Why are you here?" After the night before, he didn't think Matthew would ever crawl into his bed again.

"I... I had a nightmare. Would you like me to leave?" He asked quietly, not wanting to bother Alfred by being in his bed. Maybe he didn't want Matt to feel uncomfortable being so close to another human after all the pain he went through in the camp. Though, he didn't know the real reason behind his emotional breakdowns whenever he was touched a few months ago.

"But I kissed you! Aren't you scared I might do it again?" Or go farther, his mind added. No, he wouldn't. He just couldn't do that to Matthew! He was too precious, too delicate! Alfred tried convincing himself that he was not a fucking Nazi and wouldn't do that to him.

Letting Mimi go to curl up between the two of them, Matthew looked to the bed. "If... I trust you Alfred. I have also forgiven you. You could have done much worse..." Feeling his throat get thick with tears of his time in the camp, he stopped. He didn't want to cry even after his frequent nightmares; he didn't have to do so in front of Alfred now.

"Fuck Matt! I'm trying to not do the same things to you that that gu...!" Alfred stopped himself suddenly, a hand flying to his mouth. Fuck... fuck no, he just said it! It had just burst out of his mouth, his stupid mouth, God why didn't he think about anything before he blurted things out?

Matthew openly stared at Alfred, his tears beading down his cheeks slowly. "Wh-What were you going to say?" He still asked, hoping he didn't just jump to conclusions. How could he have known about that? He didn't tell Alfred because he didn't want him to worry even more about him!

Taking a shaky breath, Alfred lowered his hand and looked away. He didn't want Matthew to know that he had known this whole time, but he still didn't want to lie to him! "I... oh fuck. Me and the doc, we go way back, you see. In war, I saved him, and he saved me, so we were really close. So," Well this was it. No turning back now. "He- he told me." Alfred looked at him, taking in the tears and the look of betrayal. "I'm so sorry, Matt! I know I should have said something..."

"I-Is that why you f-felt you needed t-to apologize?" He stuttered, unsure just what this feeling was. Of course Matthew still trusted Alfred, but... He knew just what happened... Unconsciously he had brought his legs up to his chest to hide himself as he continued to stare with wide, tear filled eyes.

Confused, Alfred blinked. "Um... I'm also sorry for kissing you..." What was he supposed to be sorry for? Maybe being so close to him when he knew Matthew had been raped... Fuck this was not going the way he wanted it to.

Shaking his head, Matthew rubbed his eyes before getting off the bed. "I'm s-sorry for disturbing you." He whispered before leaving the room, fighting with himself not to run. Why was he so upset that Alfred knew about what the men did to him? Well, it seemed like he thought it was only one soldier which was probably for the best.

Closing his eyes, Alfred put his head in his hands. Dammit, Matthew now knew that he had been hiding the truth from him! Why were things getting so messed up after they had been so good? He punched one of the pillows, angry at himself. That last look Matt had given him had been gut wrenching.

A few minutes later, he got up from the bed. Just as he had guessed, the house was empty. It was midnight, but he figured he wasn't going to get any sleep, so why should anyone else, either? He picked up the phone, dialling the number for the hotel doc was staying at, waiting impatiently for the small wheel on the phone to turn back.

David groaned as he picked up the phone from beside his hotel bed. "Who's'it?" He mumbled, sitting up so he could start waking up. It better be important to be phoning at one in the morning.

"I fucked up." Alfred said into the phone, emotion making his breath hitch slightly. He looked down, feeling something on his foot, and saw that it was Mimi worming her way around his leg. He bent down to pet her, comforted by her soft fur.

Frowning at the tone of Alfred's voice, David straighted himself further on the bed. "What happened? Are you ok? Is Matthew?" There were only a few scenarios that he could think of that would have his friend phoning him at this time saying that he fucked up.

"He's gone. I told him I knew." He sat down on the chair, the cord for the phone stretching longer. "You should have seen the look in his eyes! What am I gonna do?" David was really the only person he could talk to. He understood him better than anyone.

"Told him you knew... About the man?" The doctor asked quietly, not wanting to get Alfred more upset than he was. It was already a touchy subject and he didn't want to feel more awkward with his guy friend crying. It was obvious just how Alfred felt for the smaller blond. "What do you mean he's gone? Did he leave the house? If he didn't, you need to stop him."

Picking Mimi up, Alfred cuddled her. "He left. Not sure where. But can you fucking blame him?" He hadn't swore so much for a while, but he didn't care anymore. "Shit I hope he's ok..." This was night time, and Matthew was all alone. What if something happened to him?

Not sure what to say, David mumbled. "I hope so too. New York is fairly big and not everyone has the best intentions in mind like you do." It went without saying that Matthew was not the best equipped to walk around by himself in such a big city.

"Fuck I have to go find him. Bye." Alfred hung up the phone, putting Mimi on the couch. He got his jacket and went back to her, giving her one last scratch. "If I don't find him soon, I'll be back to feed you, don't worry." Because she would still need care.

Hanging up his phone as well, David laid down for only a few minutes before hearing a timid knock on his door. Who was it? It couldn't be room service because of the time, nor could it be Alfred since he would have just pounded his door down. Curious, he opened his door a crack to see a thin blond standing there with tears in his eyes and down his cheeks. "Matthew?"

"H-Hello Dr. Hughes." He mumbled, looking to the floor for moment before looking up at him again. "I'm sorry to b-bother you so late... May I come in?"

What was he doing here, of all places? Still, David stepped back to let his old patient inside. "If you don't mind me asking, why are you here?" Even if he knew about him finding out Alfred knew. Maybe he was here because Matthew was angry at him for telling his friend?

"Well... I figured... Because you _know _what happened to me... I could trust you." He ended simply. Matthew hadn't really thought where he was going before he was walking around, but he had remembered Alfred saying he was going to the bar with the doctor that took care of him. He also said where he was staying in case he ended up there when he was drunk.

Taking a breath, David ushered him further in the room. "Why not sit down? You must need to talk." After all, why else would he be here than to talk? Perhaps about what had happened just now with Alfred, or what had happened at that camp.

Sitting on the edge of one of the two beds, Matthew played with the ends of his hair. "I... I know you told Alfred about it." He whispered, unable to say that he was raped out loud still. "I feel bad for making him worry about me..." After all, his feelings had shown through for a second and Matthew was still taken aback by them. "But I know I needed to talk to someone else."

Nodding, David sat in one of the chairs. He needed Matthew to know he wasn't a threat, at least. "Alright. What do you need to talk about?" This boy really cared about other people too much. He felt bad for making Alfred worry about him?

Taking a deep breath, Matthew ignored the dried tears on his face and his flushed cheeks and his red eyes as he stated. "It... It wasn't just one. I don't know if you could tell, but it wasn't. I don't remember how many there were... But they were all German. They were anywhere from common soldiers to higher ranking captains." Without trying to stop himself, Matthew's body started to shake as his pent up tears released. "I just feel so bad... H-He gave me a kitten because he k-kissed me when he was drunk..."

"He kissed you?" He hadn't said that on the phone! What was he thinking? What had been Matthew's reaction? Now David was really curious about what had happened. And he had given him a kitten?

Nodding, Matthew felt himself wishing that he had either Mimi or his old teddy bear from when he was a child to hug and hide behind. Instead he settled for his knees against his chest. "H-He came home and was r-really happy and wh-when he laid down he kissed me lightly... I w-was scared at first but I knew Alfred w-wouldn't do anything..."

David was starting to get the full picture here. It seemed what they needed was some truth. "Sorry for that, I should have cut him off, but to tell the truth I had been drinking as well." He cleared his throat, trying not to think of the awkwardness of the situation. "He loves you, you know." If only his wife could see him now, telling a man another man loves him.

"Wh-What?" Matthew squeaked, his tears momentarily stopping their path down his face. "Alfred wouldn't feel th-that way about me... He already is taking care of me so much, and I'm s-such a burden..." He wiped his shining face off with the sleeve of his pyjama top.

"When drunk, you usually do things you would want to do normally, but wouldn't because of differing reasons. So you said he kissed you, that must mean he wanted to kiss you." And he had said earlier that night that he was worried he would do something like that. Ironic it happened that same night.

Shaking his head furiously, Matthew denied it. "Alfred doesn't feel that way about me. He is just worried he will make everything worse when all he had done is make things better. I... I don't even trust my boss as much as I do Alfred, and he looks more like the men than a lot of people..."

Looking at the time, David frowned. He had to wake up to catch a plane in a few hours. "He has told me he does. Alfred doesn't lie, especially about things like this." He wanted to tell Matthew that he really should be having this conversation with the man in question, but assumed he would soon want to anyway. Hopefully.

Pausing, Matthew let go of his legs and rubbed his eyes. "I..." He stopped, not quite sure what to say to that. Is that why Alfred was always so worried when he would go to sleep with him after his nightmares? Did he really feel as if he would do the same thing because he cared so much about him and wanted to show him? Was Alfred really in love with him?

Staying silent, the doctor wondered what was going through his head. Either Matthew was completely straight and felt disgusted at the very idea of a man loving him, or he was slightly flattered at the idea, even if he didn't want to admit it. Or he was remembering the many men in his past, which wouldn't be good.

"I need to see him." The small blond finally got out, staring at the doctor. "I... I need to tell him to stop worrying. In America... Is it uncommon for a man to love another man?" He asked in a small voice, unsure if he wanted the answer or not right now.

Thinking for a second, David took a breath. "Well, I'm not too sure. You don't really hear about homosexuality. But I assume it is the same everywhere, not just in America." It was still a little strange, but Alfred was his friend.

Matthew nodded before getting up from the bed. "I'm sorry to have disturbed you so late. I will leave now." With that he gave a hesistant smile before going to the door. "If Alfred gets in touch with you, please tell him I am home."

"Alright. I hope everything will work out." Because he really did hope that. Both Alfred and Matthew deserved to be happy in their lives. Both had been through more than anyone should have to, and they would both be good with each other.

Nodding again, Matthew left the hotel room and soon was walking back home. Alfred... Alfred loved him? It certainly explained his outburst earlier tonight not to mention the fact he knew he had been raped. It seemed like he only thought it was one person, and Matthew didn't know if he could correct him right now. Maybe it would help them... Them... Could he even handle being in a relationship after everythig? Sure he trusted the American, but would his body let another man touch it?


	12. Chapter 12

Getting to the house, Matthew unlocked it and slipped inside. "Alfred?" He called out, hoping that he would be there. When he heard no response he started to get nervous.

"Alfred? I'm... I'm not upset." He called again, looking in his room first before going to the bathroom and even Matthew's own bedroom. Did Alfred go out looking for him?

He wasn't sure if he should be worried or flattered that Alfred would want to look for him in the middle of the night, so he went to the living room and sat on the couch. Watching the blank screen of the Television, he waited for Alfred to come back home.

Alfred looked at his watch, swearing under his breath. He would have to go back soon and feed Mimi. He left the library, having just asked if they had seen Matthew. He started making his way home, still looking around for him.

Opening the door, he went inside and went to the kitchen to warm up more milk.

Hearing the door open, Matthew got up quickly and put Mimi aside before staring wide eyed at Alfred. "You're home." And safe he added in his mind. Matthew hadn't been able to get to sleep since he was getting progressively worried about the American.

"Oh god Matt, you're alright!" Alfred exclaimed, going forward. Good thing he was fine, how long had he been there? Had he really been looking for him all this time and he had been here the whole night? "I am so sorry I never said anything!"

Going forward on his own accord, Matthew hesitated for a second before leaning forward to hug Alfred. "I'm sorry I left, I wasn't thinking." Not letting it linger, he pulled away and looked to the floor. "Dr. Hughs and I spoke for a bit and I came back."

Amazed that Matthew had just _hugged_ him, Alfred wished it had lasted just a little longer. What had gotten into him to actually hug him? But no matter. "Dr... you mean the doc? David?" Why had he gone there? He knew his friend wouldn't do anything... but still...

Nodding, Matthew stared at their feet. "Yes, I went to talk with him since he knows as well..." His face was getting warm so he touched his cheeks to cool them off. He knew he was making this more awkward than it needed to be but he wanted to know how Alfred felt. "but... I went and talked... And he said... Please don't be upset!" He added, looking up for a second. "He said that... Thatyouloveme."

Looking away, Alfred closed his eyes. Fuck, why did he need and go say that? He grit his teeth, not wanting to see what emotion was on Matthew's face right now. "Well, I guess you think I'm disgusting now." He gave a humorous laugh, hand clenching on the table. "After all, who wants to be friends with a guy who likes men? And to hear that a man likes you, that must have been horrible, hey?" He still didn't look at him, thinking he would probably make even more of a fool of himself if he did.

"N-Not exactly..." Matthew whispered, scared to look up. His body was shaking lightly and his face was getting pregressiveky more flushed. Alfred must think that he was scaring Matthew, and he was partially right. He was scared to be touched, but only his body feared Alfred. His mind wanted to be close to him, even if being homosexual wasn't completely normal. Matthew's life was full of 'not normal' things.

Alfred shook his head, not wanting to think about these things anymore. "Well, you can of course still live here, but I understand if you don't want to, what with living with a guy who loves you, so if you want to move I can help you find a place." And help with money, if Matthew would let him. Damn, if he was willing to go this far for the blond, it must mean he loved him.

Matthew shook his head, blushing as he did so. This was one of the many times he had been glad to have long hair. "I d-don't want to move Alfred. I... I want to live with you."

Still not looking at him, Alfred gave a nod. "Ok, I'm ah... going to watch some Television, if that's alright..." He wanted this conversation to be over, he wanted to get back to what they had before. Anything would be better than this awkwardness.

Watching Alfred with tired eyes, Matthew followed him and stayed standing. "We could... You... We could try if you want..." He mumbled, murmuring to himself in French that he would be ok. Alfred didn't need to know just how bad things were unless he wanted to know.

"Try what?" Alfred was confused. Try watching Television? Why would they need to try that when they knew they could obviously watch it fine? He went to turn it on.

Waiting until Al was sitting down again, he brought his hand up to cover his face for a second and played with the hem of his shirt when it was back down. "Maybe it won't w-work... But... I wouldn't mind trying... I trust you Alfred. I know... If I say it's too much you will listen..." He stumbled over his words as his eyes teared up behind the glasses he put on when he came back.

Suddenly understanding, Alfred took in a breath of air. "You don't have to go through that for me. I'll be fine, I don't want you to have to force yourself to try and like me." This was just making everything all the more difficult.

Unsure just what to do, Matthew looked around the room for a second before looking into Alfred's eyes. "I'm not forcing myself to do anything." That was the truth. He trusted Alfred, and he didn't feel bad about liking another man. His body didn't trust him completely just yet, but that would come with time. Everything would come with time.

His jaw set in a hard line, Alfred finally met his eyes. "Do you know what you are saying? You want us to try being a couple? Matt, couples do more than hold hands you know." After everything he had been through, how could Matthew possibly put himself through that?

"You... You saved me. Maybe I would still be alive, but you gave me a reason to live." Matthew admitted, blushing even more ferociously now. "I... I don't want to be scared of every man for the rest of my life..." Because there were a lot of men that had done bad things to him, but not every one wanted to do that. He had lived long enough to know that wasn't the only thing men wanted from each other.

Standing up, Alfred stepped closer. "So you want to try because you feel you owe me something? And to... condition yourself to not be afraid?" He wasn't yelling, because he didn't like yelling at Matthew, but his tone was low and dangerous. The American turned around and started walking to his room. "Sorry, I don't want to be a tool to get rid of your phobia."

Deciding he was going to do it, Matthew ran forward the few steps and grabbed Alfred's wrist. Biting his lip nervously as he turned the American around, he leaned forward and lightly kissed him before letting him go. "I don't want to do it for me. I... I like you Alfred." He was shaking like a leaf, but at the same time Matthew was incredibly proud of himself.

Alfred's mind went blank, the image of that kiss running again and again in his brain. He lifted a hand to his lips slowly. Matthew... had kissed him. He had just kissed him. On the lips. Matthew. How was that possible? "W-what...?" He hadn't stuttered since he was a kid! Why now?

Barely hearing Alfred's question over the blood rushing through his head and the fierce pounding of his heart, Matthew continued to shake. He did it... He finally showed Alfred how he felt! Sure he was distressed, but if he gave it time...

Unceremoniously collapsing onto the floor, Matthew just sat there, looking at the floor and started to laugh lightly. "I... I want to do this." He smiled, despite the tears, up at Alfred. "I like you Alfred."

Sitting beside him, Alfred let his hand drop from his mouth. This was already so much more than he had ever hoped for. Hesitantly, he lifted his arm, and put it lightly around Matthew's shoulders, watching for any signs of discomfort. "Alright." After all, how could he not agree after that?

Nodding, Matthew continued to smile as he looked to the ceiling. Now everything was going to be ok. Alfred would once again be his saviour and his companion. "I... I guess I should tell you now then..."

"Tell me what?" Alfred said dreamily, still remembering the kiss. It had been much better than the one where he was drunk, mostly because this time it wasn't just a delirious thank you kiss that hadn't been thought about before hand, but also because it was Matthew that kissed him.

Tensing slightly under the touch, Matthew allowed himself to relax again so that Alfred wouldn't think he was uncomfortable. He was a bit, but that wasn't the point. "It wasn't just one..." He mumbled, his voice going low. Matthew was normally good at keeping his accent under control, but when he got emotional it was more difficult.

Taking his arm away, Alfred nodded slowly. Oh God, just how many men out there had touched Matthew? In a rare show of murderous anger, he hissed out under his breath, "I hope they all fucking died when we saved you."

"They probably w-were nice people otherwise... With f-families and children..." Matthew choked on his breath a bit as he held back a bunch of tears. Without thinking about it, he turned to face Alfred and placed his head in the crook of his neck. As long as he was in control of the contact, he felt much better about it then when Alfred boxed him close to his body.

Calming at the contact, Alfred let out his anger in a breath. He wanted to say about how they were bastards that had fucking raped him and they deserved to burn in hell for eternity, but figured that might upset him further. "I guess..." But why was Matthew crying? He wanted to wipe the tears away and tell him it was alright, but still wasn't sure how much he was allowed to touch him.

Pulling away, he tried to smile but gave up immediately. "I'm sorry... I... I tell you how I f-feel then cry... I just wanted you to know... To know everything. If... If you want to know, that is."

"Of course I want to know. I want to know everything about you." Alfred gave a little laugh, hoping to cheer Matthew up. "I want to be the world's expert on Matthew Bonnefoy. But if it hurts you too much to tell me, that's fine."

"I want to tell you." He answered quickly, wiping his tears away only to be replaced with more. "B-But maybe not today. I'm very tired... I didn't sleep at all last night..." Matthew murmured, looking to his crossed legs. "I was too worried about you."

Smiling fondly, Alfred nodded. "Yeah, I was out all night looking for you. I need a nap too." He got up off the floor, holding out a hand to help Matthew. Out of the corner of his eye he saw Mimi laying on the couch. "Looks like someone else is tired too."

Letting Alfred help him up, he smiled apologetically. "I must have kept her up all night petting her. She... What's the word?" He though out loud, rubbing his mouth with the side of his hand. "Purr? She purrs a lot when I pet her. I like the sound. It's very relaxing." Matthew didn't want to say anything about how he was sorry for making him worry, since he knew Alfred would insist it was fine.

"That, and cats sleep like twenty-three hours a day." Alfred gave a small laugh, walking to his room. He lifted his glasses, rubbing his eyes. Now that he wasn't so worried, he was really feeling the effects of having almost no sleep.

Following after Alfred, Matthew mumbled as he pulled at his bottom lip with his teeth. "May... May I?" He finished pathetically, nervous to ask after admitting he liked the taller blond as well. Especially now that they had both agreed to become a 'couple'.

Realizing he hadn't even thought of it, Alfred held the door open. "Yeah, of course." If Matthew wanted to cuddle or anything, than he would be fine with that, but if he didn't that was also fine. After all, just being kissed by him had probably been enough to keep him happy for years.

Slipping into his room, the small blond crawled onto the side he normally slept on when he had nightmares and placed his glasses on the side table. "Pl-Please don't be upset... But I... I don't think I can be too close." He admitted, shame flowing through his body. Matthew wanted to be close, but he knew his body couldn't take it yet. Not when it remembered being close with being hurt and abused.

"It's fine, I don't mind." Alfred doubted they would get much farther in this 'relationship' than they already have, but he didn't mind. He couldn't expect much, considering all that Matthew had been through and the nature of his fears.

Reaching out with one hand, Matthew grabbed lightly onto his shirt. He wanted to feel connected, but at his own pace. It was selfish, but it was the only way he knew to get closer without having himself freak out. "I want to be though."

Smiling, Alfred gave a little shrug. "Whatever you are comfortable with. Don't push yourself." He felt Mimi by his feet, seeing that she also wanted to sleep with them. When she was bigger, if they were still sleeping together, the bed might get a little crowded, he thought with a chuckle.

Nodding, Matthew yawned behind his free hand as the kitten came and plopped herself right between the two men. "I think she is jealous." He mumbled tiredly as he pet her head gently. "I fed her about an hour ago so she should be fine. Maybe in a few days we could try soft food?"

"Yeah, that should be fine." Alfred really had no idea how to get her to change food, but it didn't matter. He went farther under the sheets, putting his head down on the pillow. "Well, have a good sleep. Both of you, I guess."

"Bonsoir." Matthew murmured, tightening his hold on the fabric of Alfred's shirt. Hopefully now he would have someone to love him and to love back when his heart remembered what it was like. Between Mimi's unconditional love and Alfred's adoration, Matthew truly felt happy for one of the first times since he was a small child.


	13. Chapter 13

The next day they went to the store, because Matthew said they needed to go grocery shopping. They were pretty much acting as if the past two days hadn't happened, except that every once in a while Matt would do something incredibly cute like brush his hand or hold onto his shirt when Alfred walked away.

Looking for a few things they absolutely needed, Matthew placed them in the basket Alfred was holding just like normal. "Thank you for coming with me again." He said, comparing two different things for their price. "Could we stop at a pet store after to buy some food for Mimi? I would like to ask the owner what would be a good food to transfer to."

"Yeah sure." He might know where a pet store was... he had never really been to one before. But if worst came to worst, he could act like a tourist and just ask someone.

Berwald looked around, completely confused. His wife usually did the shopping, but he was sick and had told him to get stuff they needed. This store made no sense! Ikea was set up in a much more logical fashion. The Swed went up to two men who looked like they knew their way around. "'Scuse me."

Turning around to see who was talking to them, Matthew immediately blanched. He hadn't been scared of too many strangers here, but he had still been wary. This man though was straight out of his nightmares despite looking calm. "H-H-Hello."

Alfred saw him and smiled. "Hey big guy. What do you need?" He glanced at Matthew when he grabbed onto his sleeve, seeming as if he was clutching onto it for dear life. What, had someone touched him by accident?

Not noticing the smaller man's fear, Berwald held out his list. "Apples? And milk?" Luckily, Tino hadn't given him much to get, or else he would be here for hours instead of nursing his wife back to health.

Matthew watched from behind Alfred as he gave directions to the large blond man. He knew he shouldn't be scare of him... But he was. Badly. There was no reason to be, he was in America where he was free. There was still a feeling that made him want to run away but left him unable to do much more that look at him in fear and clutch onto Alfred.

When he finished, Alfred turned around and looked at Matthew, worry in his eyes. "Are you alright? Do you want to go home?" Obviously it wasn't anything he had done, since he was clutching the American's arm, but he still hated seeing him like this.

He just shook his head. "I-I will be fine." As long as they didn't run into him again he should be fine. Even if they did, he would be with Alfred. That meant he was safe. Alfred would keep anyone from touching him.

Looking after the tall man, things fell into place. Matthew had been afraid of him? Well, he was quite big... So maybe he wasn't just finding it easier to be around everyone, maybe he just found it easier to be around Alfred. He shouldn't be happy at that, but there was a small part of him that was.

"I'm s-sorry." He stuttered, letting Alfred go to continue shopping. "I-I was just surprised." Matthew knew he shouldn't be so nervous after seeing such a large man, but he still was.

Changing hands with the basket, Alfred shrugged. "It's fine. You don't have to say sorry." How many times would he have to say that? It wasn't as if it was his fault, anyway, so why did he always say it?

Shrugging his shoulders, Matthew tried to shake off the fear and painful memories. Alfred didn't need to deal with this; not when he said he didn't want to be his 'conditioner'. "Th-There's only a few more things we need..."

"Alright. Um... if you wanna talk about stuff when we get home, that would be fine." He said awkwardly. After all, they were kind of sort of dating now... Oh God they were dating. It still amazed Alfred that that was possible.

Matthew paused to look at Al with wide eyes. "If you want me to bore you with everything..." He mumbled, flushing as he looked away. It was still a strange concept to actually tell someone other than Mimi just what had happened to him. Maybe... "Maybe you can tell me about your family? It is sure to be more exciting than my own."

"Not too sure about that. It was just me and my parents, no one else. But if you want than sure." Alfred said, wondering why he wanted to know about his family. "If you want, we could go meet them in the summer."

Matthew's eyes went wide behind his glasses. "Would that be ok? I wouldn't want them to be upset..." Maybe they wouldn't like it if their only son was gay. They continued through the store, luckily not seeing Berwald even as Alfred insisted to pay and they started to walk home.

"Well, either we could just not tell them, or I can phone them ahead of time and tell them." They probably would be shocked, but they had been shocked before and had always accepted things. Even if it was a little strange, but it wasn't unheard of. Usually it was people who got caught, but there were gays.

"Are you sure you want me to meet them?" Matthew asked timidly before jumping. "We need to get food for Mimi!" He exclaimed. Good thing they hadn't gotten home yet. "I will try to tell you my story when we get home."

Laughing as Matthew turned around and started looking for a pet shop, Alfred looked as well. "There's one, I think. We should get her a toy too." They crossed the street, going to the small store. "But you only have to tell me if you are comfortable with it."

Without saying anything about their conversation, Matthew managed to persuade Alfred into letting him at least buy a mouse toy for her. "I will try." He murmured truthfully as they got back to their home. "What... What do you want to know?"

"Whatever you want to tell me." Hopefully this would act more as helping Matthew get better and trust him more, but he was also curious. "Family members?" Easier to start off slowly, with easy things. Maybe later they could talk about the things that were really troubling him, but only when he was ready.

Matthew sat down at the table, crossing his legs on the chair. "I hav-had a Mama and a Papa and an older brother. Other than that, I don't really know about my extended family. There is one cousin in Ukraine but I haven't talked to her since I was very young."

Oh damn, Alfred hadn't even thought about the fact that even this would be a difficult topic for him. "Oh, uh so yeah just think of stuff you want to tell me." So he had a brother. That was a new piece of information.

It took him a few seconds of thinking before coming up with a topic. "I feel bad talking about myself... Would you like to hear of my village? I'm afraid nothing in my life is too exciting before coming to America."

"Sure. What was it called?" Although he probably wouldn't be able to pronounce it, considering he was horrible at other languages. He bent down and picked up the kitten, getting the toy for her out of the bag and dangling it in front of her while he listened to Matthew.

A small smile rested on Matthew's face. "It was called 'Le Quesnel'. Maybe... Two days walk south to Paris? I remember my Papa let me go one time when I was about eight. Francois- I mean Francis, it's the English version, right? He would stay with Mama." He asked and when Alfred nodded hesitantly he continued. "My family owned a small farm with a dairy cow and some chickens. If we were lucky we would have a hog and butcher it but that was only in the twenties before the depression."

"Who was Francis? Your brother?" That was a nice name, for a French man. Mimi made a swipe for the toy, but Alfred gave a small laugh as he pulled it away. She was so cute!

Matthew nodded. "Yes, he is... Was... Seven years older than I am." He knew it was a strange wait to have another child, but as he grew up Matthew didn't feel anything less that adored by his older brother, even if he sometimes forgot about him when he was with his friends. "He was very nice and loved to cook with Mama all the time. Women all through the village loved his looks and charm and even some men too."

Things were getting to feel bad again. "You seem like you really like your brother." He had always wished for a brother, even used his allowance to ask his parents to buy him one. Of course he was three at the time, and didn't really understand things.

Another nod. "He was very nice to me... I... I just wish I knew if he survived or got away or..." He stopped, feeling the tears threaten to slip from his eyes again. "Maybe he escaped back to France... That would be a very nice thing to imagine." It was impossible for his parents to be alive after seeing them led into the gas chamber, but his brother still had a chance.

Lifting an eyebrow, Alfred let Mimi have the toy mouse. "I thought you said he was dead?" Of course, he knew that during the war things had been fairly confusing... but did that mean his parents might be alive as well?

"I'm not sure... I was only forced to watch my parents being led into a gas chamber." Matthew managed to keep his tears in, surprising even himself. "Sometimes I like to dream that he is on his way to becoming a famous French chef. He would enjoy that."

Giving a small smile, Alfred tried not to feel sorry for him. "I'm sure he will be. After all, all French chefs get famous." He figured that it was better to keep hopeful. Damn, Matthew has had such a hard life! Practically had to watch his parents die!

"I wish I could find him one day... I could tell him just how lucky I am to be living in America with you Alfred." He smiled pathetically before sobbing quietly. "He would like you because he would be able to see how much I trust you."

It made Alfred's heart ache to see that sad smile. "Can... Can I give you a hug?" He didn't want to just do it, because he knew that Matthew would feel uncomfortable if he did. But he just had to comfort him some how, to stop that look on his face.

Hiding his tear-stained face behind his hands Matthew nodded slowly. He was happy Alfred asked, but upset with himself for needing him to ask to touch him. One day he would hopefully be so much better that it wouldn't feel awkward to touch or be touched by Al.

Letting Mimi go, Alfred went forward, pulling Matthew into a tight embrace. He felt his face go into his shoulder, and the American ran his fingers through his long hair. They were so close! "Is this alright?"

"... It will be ok." Matthew whispered mostly to himself, trying to enjoy the embrace and be calmed by it instead of being threatened by just how tight Al was holding him. Though... It didn't feel too terrible to be so close to someone who actually liked him for _him_. If he was to be held again, Matthew wanted it to be Alfred.

Nodding, Alfred loosened his grip, but still held him. After a few more seconds, he pulled away slowly. "I love you." He whispered, needing to say it. He wasn't expecting anything back, but it needed to be said, no matter what.

Something in Matthew's chest dropped. It wasn't a bad thing... But it was certainly strange to have someone legitimately care about him. Someone to care about him, even if he wasn't beautiful or his play-thing. "I... I care about you too, but... I hurt too much to know if I do too yet..." Not to say he wasn't thinking about it, Matthew just wasn't ready to place his heart in someone's hands just yet.

"I know. You don't have to." Alfred smiled, going into the kitchen. "I'm going to try and get Mimi to eat some dry food." He got a small bowl, which could be used as a cat food dish. He put some in it and called the kitten over, putting it on the ground.

Nodding, Matthew wiped away his fresh tears and brushed his hair out of his face. He watched Al try and get their lanky kitten to eat some of the food, and smiled when she just sniffed it. "Maybe soften it with milk first?" He murmured, going to get some.

"Yeah that might work." Alfred said, scratching behind her ear. She was just so cute, just like Matthew. Apparently Alfred had a soft spot for cute things with no homes. He gave a small laugh, thinking about it.

Warming it up a little bit, he placed it in the food and mixed it around. "_This is much better, isn't it Mimi?"_ Matthew asked her in French, his face still red from crying. He was really happy that Alfred had brought her home even if it meant a little bit more cleaning for her litter box and her fur everywhere.

Crouching down beside him, Alfred watched her slowly nibble on one piece. "Looks like she likes it." Well, at least she didn't gag and spit it out. Hopefully she would start eating it so they could change her to only dry food.

Petting her small black back, Matthew looked to Alfred. "I want to know more about you too. If that's ok." He added, looking to the floor. It was a slightly random request, but if he were to meet his parents he wanted to know about Alfred's life before hand. Plus, wasn't that what couples did?

Shrugging, Alfred was glad when he saw Mimi take another piece of food. "Grew up in New Jersey. We had a small farm. When I was five, my mom got pregnant, but it was a still born. We had a dog named Spike. Left when I was sixteen and still keep in touch."

Staring at Alfred, Matthew was amazing. "You... Please tell me more!" He asked, excited. It always seemed strange to him to think about what life was like in America, and now he had his own boyfriend to ask. "I have never heard about America before. Well, a bit, but they were rumours about how you all lived in small houses in tall buildings."

Laughing at how exited Matthew was, Alfred continued. "There's not much to tell. I got a job here and got my own place. Then the war started, and I was eventually whisked off to go kill people." That was a run down of his life, it wasn't that amazing.

"Why did you leave when you were sixteen? Are your parents nice? Did you like your home town? Why did you move to New York?" Matthew was so excited to hear about someone's life from somewhere other than France, Poland, Germany or surrounding areas that he forgot to stay polite. Once again, he had become a small child, eager to hear fairy tales and stories of princes and princesses.

"Wow, enough questions?" Alfred said, laughing at how eager he was. "I love my parents, and my home town was fine. I just wanted to get out on my own, to prove I wasn't a kid anymore. And New York seemed big and fun, so I moved here."

Flushing from Alfred's own question, he just gazed at Mimi who had almost finished the food. "I... I just haven't heard a person's story that was happy in a long time. In... in Germany I would ask some people and their stories would make me feel worse because of all the pain they went through..."

Taking a breath, Alfred gave a small nod. "Yeah, things kinda sucked over there." He said quietly, looking down.

Nodding as well, Matthew hesitated a bit before reaching out to lightly hold Alfred's hand. "But... we aren't there anymore." They were away from all the fighting and death that was in Europe. Alfred brought Matthew with him, which was the incredible part.

"Yeah. We made it." Although a lot of people had made it back in a box, or not at all. There were way too many empty graves out there, not being able to find them or get the bodies from places. But he forced himself to think of the positives, that they were alive and here and together and Matthew was holding his hand like nothing had happened.

"I want to be close to you." Matthew said, feeling the moment was right. "I don't know how long until... until my body can trust being close, but I want it. Please give me time."

Smiling, Alfred squeezed his hand slightly. "Take as much time as you need. I'll still be here." It wasn't like he was getting to know anyone else, so he didn't even have a chance to fall in love with someone besides him, not that he would.

"Thank you..." Deciding to see if he could handle it, Matthew leaned toward Alfred and gave him another hug. This time, he let it last longer, hiding his face in the crook of his neck. In Germany, he wasn't allowed to hide his face or the men would hurt him more. "You are much too nice to me."

Taking a breath, Alfred was instantly hit with Matthew's sent. It was such a nice smell, it was strange that they used the same shampoo. "No, you deserve even more." He pulled away, not wanting Matt to become uncomfortable.

Shaking his head, Matthew didn't offer any verbal disagreement. He was feeling the most comfortable with Alfred right now than he had being this close before, and he wanted to take advantage of it. The way he figured, if he never pushed himself, then he would never get better. Leaning forward the few centimetres, he mumbled. "I only wish for you." Before lightly kissing him; pulling back with a racing heart and beet-red face.

Giving a small gasp of surprise, Alfred looked at him and gave a small smile. Oh God, Matthew knew just how make his blood pump. "You must be feeling very good today." To have gone so far as to kiss him, and the hug from earlier, maybe he was getting better.

Shrugging lightly, he smiled placidly before looking down to where Mimi was rubbing against his knee. "I... In my heart, I know I have no reason to be nervous, but my body can't forget. I figure... if I make happy memories with you, maybe then I will be better. Maybe... maybe I won't have my 'demons'."

Nodding, Alfred pet the cat. "If you want to make good memories, we should go to the beach." It was fairly warm out now, so they would be great. Well, if Matthew was comfortable with that, of course. If he wasn't, they didn't need to go.

"Is it warm here?" Matthew asked, watching Alfred pet their kitten. "I traveled once to the channel with my family but the water was very cold. It was dissapointing." He liked swimming but not being cold.

"Yeah, it's warm. Well the water is cold but it is nice because the weather is warm." Alfred stood up, looking at the clock. "I have to quickly go to work, sorry. I should be back in half an hour."

"I'm sorry to have distracted you." Matthew apologized before petting Mimi more. She was almost like a binder for them, helping them to get closer. "_I really like Alfred Mimi, do you?_" He murmured in French, obviously not expecting an answer.

Leaving the house, Alfred gave a sigh. Although he wanted to, it was difficult believing everything with them would work out fine. Not that it was either of their faults, it was just an awkward situation from the beginning.


	14. Chapter 14

Sitting down on the chairs by the doors to the library, Matthew had started to gnaw on his lips and twitch his foot rapidly. What was taking Alfred so long? Did he suddenly forget that he was working today? He never wanted him to walk alone, which was why the blond had waited for him.

Glancing out the glass front doors, Heracles raised an eyebrow. Normally he wouldn't have done anything, but Matthew had been out there for almost an hour, so he left his desk and went outside. "Matthew? Are you waiting for something?"

"Ah! Yes, I am waiting for Alfred to pick me up." He left it at that, not sure if he said they were a couple if Heracles would like him anymore. He seemed very relaxed but maybe not about certain things. "I'm sure it's ok. He must just be playing with our cat and forgot the time."

Nodding, the Greek looked to his watch. "How long are you planning to wait? I'm sure he would understand if you went by yourself." But he could completely understand forgetting the time when playing with cats. He had done that a few times.

"I-I guess. Thank you for being concerned, but I will be fine. I will see you for my next shift." Maybe next time he could get another French book. He had taught himself how to read French after learning to read English and liked to read out loud to Mimi.

Standing up, Matthew put his jacket on and stepped out the doors. It was strange that Alfred hadn't picked him up, but he could walk by himself. He went to the doctor by himself after all. "Where are you?" He said out loud, frowning a bit.

Unlocking the door he called out and got no response. When Mimi came out to see him, purring and rubbing against his legs was when he became scared. What happened to Alfred?

Walking through the house to try and get a clue, Matthew stopped in front of the answering machine and saw that it was blinking. Would Alfred phone home to tell him he was somewhere? It was the best bet he had.

Pressing the button, it started to play the message. "Hello, this is Dr. Bell phoning from the city hospital for Alfred Jones. He was admitted about forty five minutes ago after being struck by a moving vehicle..." that was the most Matthew heard of the message as his ears started to ring. Alfred was in the hospital?

Grabbing some of his extra money for a taxi, he then went back to the door to hurriedly put on his coat and shoes. The message was still playing for some reason, but he paid it no heed. Alfred was in the hospital and that was all that mattered. He probably was in a coma too from being hit by a car.

Matthew locked the door and ran out to the street. It would be one of his first times in a taxi but he thought he could remember what to do. Flagging on down he asked for the hospital and the cab started driving. Already Matthew was worked up, getting it in his mind that Alfred was dying and he had no way of letting him know that he cared so much.

It was about ten minutes later that they reached the hospital. Paying the driver, Matthew rushed out of the cab and into the hospital to the front desk. "H-Hello... How do I find a patient here?" He asked, unsure of just what to do.

"Tell me their name and I can check where they are." The lady from behind the desk said with a peaceful smile. Many people who came here were emotionally high and she didn't need to add to it.

"Alfred J-Jones." He said quickly, tears forming. As she looked through the list of patients on a few pieces of paper she had looked up at him.

"He is in room 202; first room on the right." Before she was done, Mathew had mumbled a quick thanks and was off.

He needed to see Alfred, even if he was in a coma. At least then he would know that he cared about him.

Taking the stairs two at a time, he reached the second floor. The room number started with a "2" so he figured it would be up here. Running down the small hallway before the rooms started the small blond got to the room marked 202 and all but burst in. It was hard to see at first, but Matthew could somewhat see a cast on his leg.

"Alfred!" He called out, not expecting an answer but needing to say his boyfriend's name anyways. Running over to him, he hugged his body as tears starter to fall freely.

Suddenly being engulfed, Alfred smiled and raised a hand to pat Matthew lightly on the shoulder. "I guess you got the message." He had been yelling at the doctor for the longest time to let him use the phone, but he had refused. "Please don't cry, it's only my leg." Well, that and huge road burn on his back and arm from where he had hit the pavement, but that wasn't too bad.

Pulling away as if he had been burnt, Matthew gaped down at Alfred. "You're awake!" He thought he would have been in a coma after getting hit by a car!

Not totally sure if the movement was from surprise or because he had touched him, Alfred gave a small smile. "Yeah, I was only side swiped really. Sorry I didn't get to pick you up."

Going back down to hug him again, Matthews tears returned. "I thought you were in a coma! I'm sorry you got hurt picking me up!" How did he deserve to get hit when he got out of war with his body relatively unscathed.

Letting his head fall to the pillow, Alfred gave a small laugh. "It's alright, I'm fine." This was the longest they had been this close together at one time. He close his eyes, wanting to remember it. Of course it was only because Matthew was worried about him, but still. "Glad to see you got home alright."

"What happened exactly?" He asked slowly, looking up at Alfred's rising and falling chest. There was something that made it ok for Matthew to be so close. Maybe it was because he realized that he could have lost his boyfriend that risked his own to save his fellow captives and him.

Alfred gave a small shrug, wincing as it moved the bandages on his back. It was more annoying than anything, really. "He came around the corner fast and didn't see me until it was too late. He was a good guy though, got out and took me to the hospital."

Matthew looked around for a chair and pulled it up to the bed. "Does anything except your leg hurt? Was it broken badly? Is there anything I can do for you?" He asked in succession, wanting to help Alfred.

Laughing, Alfred shook his head. "You are asking way too many questions when I'm so filled with pain medications that I can't think straight. My back and arm hurt a little." He held up the arm he had used to brace himself, showing the bandage. "But seriously, I can hardly feel anything right now." Well, it wasn't so much that he couldn't feel the pain, but that he didn't care about it.

Nodding, Matthew asked again. "Would you like something?" Maybe Alfred wanted water or needed help to get up and go to the bathroom. It would be awkward, but it would be helping the American and thus be worth it. "I will stay with you as long as possible."

"I think I'm fine. How was work?" In truth, he was a little cold, but he could just ask a nurse next time one of them came around. He didn't want to trouble Matthew anymore, since he had already had to come all the way here. "I hope you didn't wait for me too long."

Looking away from Alfred's bright blue eyes, he shifted in his seat. "Work was good... I waited until my boss asked why I was still waiting. I didn't want to walk home alone and make you worry if you lost track of time..."

Nodding, Alfred took a sip of the water that had been placed beside his bed. "I tried to tell them to call the library when I got in here, but they were too busy to listen to me." Too busy trying to stop the bleeding. He wouldn't tell Matthew unless he was specifically asked, but it was a pretty bad break. He would probably have a limp for a long time, if not the rest of his life.

"I was worried, but I thought you would be fine... Isn't it ironic that a war hero gets taken down by a car instead of a soldier?" Matthew asked with a small smile hidden in his tone. "Are you sure I can't help? If you need medicine I could get a nurse for you."

Shaking his head, Alfred glanced out the window. "But you see, I'm not really a war hero, so it's not so ironic." It didn't matter how many medals they gave him, they all meant nothing. He was simply a murderer, and they could never be heroes.

Pausing, Matthew looked out the door to make sure no one was coming and lightly took Alfred's hand. "Can you be my hero?"

"What do I have to do to be your hero?" If possible, he would very much like being Matthew's hero. But with a broken leg, he wasn't feeling very heroic right now. He had just been so stupid, not wanting to walk an extra block to the crosswalk. If he would have done that, he wouldn't have been hit.

"You already are." Matthew murmured, smiling passively down at his battered boyfriend. If felt strange to call Alfred that, but it also seemed to fit; like no one else could fill the spot.

Smiling, the American squeezed Matthew's hand lovingly. "Your hero that can't even pick you up properly?" The only thought that had saved him from the pain was that Matthew needed him so he had to get through this.

Shrugging, Matthew couldn't help but feel strangely content sitting next to Alfred. Sure what had happened was terrible, but somehow it made it easier for him to be touching Alfred like this for so long. Maybe it was because he could have lost the bright American that he started thinking. "That just means you are human. Think of it as your one, attractive flaw." He blushed, looking down to their intertwined hands.

"Only one? Trust me, I have a lot of flaws. Although I guess they aren't attractive." Alfred joked, giving a laugh. He wasn't sure exactly what Matthew meant by 'attractive flaw', because how could a flaw be attractive, and why would the shy man say it was attractive, anyway? Oh well, it was probably the drugs that made him not really care right now.

"I don't wish to fight about you with you when in the hospital." Matthew mumbled, twisting his hand so their fingers intertwined. Something was making him act more daring, and he actually enjoyed it. Maybe this way they could expand their relationship to a new level when Alfred came home... That way he could show just how much Alfred meant to him.

Alfred wanted to pull their joined hands closer, but wasn't sure how Matthew would react to that. Sure, he seemed fine with this level of touching now, but that was because he was basically in charge of it, so the American left it the way it was. "Right, so I win." He smiled, laughing a little.

Just then, a nurse walked into the room with a smile. "Hello Alfred. Who is your visitor? Are you his brother?" She asked Matthew after turning to him. They looked enough like each other that it was possible since they were also holding hands.

Laughing, Alfred shook his head. "No, not exactly. Oh wait, can he stay longer if we are related? In that case; yes." He might have heard something about that, but wasn't completely sure. He kept hold of Matthew's hand, anyway.

"He can stay until eight if he wants to." She started, looking at her clipboard before getting out a vial of medicine. "What's your name?"

"Matthew." He said quietly, feeling extremely self-conscious about holding Alfred's hand. He remembered Dr. Hughes saying that it wasn't common to be homosexual in the Untied States and he didn't want her to discriminate against them because of it.

Nodding, she went over to Alfred's arm that had an IV in it. "Well Matthew, as I said you can stay for as long as you want, but I'm going to be giving Alfred some medicine that will make him drowsy and probably fall asleep."

"But I don't want to go to sleep!" Alfred defended. Well, at least not while Matthew was here. He wasn't sure how long he could stay, so he wanted to spend as much time with him _awake _as possible. It already sucked that they were in a hospital.

"I'm sorry, but this way your road burn and your leg fracture will heal faster. Rest is the best thing for you."

Matthew looked down to Alfred with his face flushed red. He wanted to stay here with Alfred if he was awake or not. As long as he was around him, he felt that everything would be fine.

Glaring at the glass vial, Alfred gave a small nod. "Fine. But can I get another blanket?" If he healed faster, he could go home earlier and everything would get back to normal. Hopefully, at least. Besides the whole walking with crutches and limping after that thing.

"I will get one once this is in your IV." Hitting the air bubbles out, she then placed the needle into one of the ports on the tube and squeezed it in. "The effects won't be immediate so I will go get a blanket now." And with that, she left the room.

"May I say here?" Matthew asked, still really embarrassed to be holding Alfred's hand. Though it was better than being scared to hold his hand he figured.

Trying to feel for the effects of the drug, Alfred looked back to his boyfriend. "Why? All you will be doing is watch me sleep." It was almost eight, anyways, and the nurse had said that Matthew couldn't be here after that.

Swallowing, he tried to explain. "I... I feel close to you right now. I'm not very scared of being close either. Do you understand?" Matthew looked away, too nervous to see Alfred's expression when he heard that he wanted to be touching him.

Smiling, Alfred gave another squeeze to his hand. "Yeah, alright. But at eight you have to go home and have a good sleep with Mimi. I already got them to call my work, so it should be fine." He just hoped he wouldn't be away for too long, or else he would lose too much pay. But oh well, it wasn't like they would starve.

"I will if that is what you wish." Matthew answered, wanting to hug Alfred again. Instead, he just placed his other hand over their already connected ones. "Are you starting to feel tired?"

Just then the nurse quickly came in to drop off the blanket with a smile. "Visiting hours will be over in ten minutes."

Giving a yawn, Alfred nodded as he pulled the new blanket up. "Yeah, I guess that drug really works. Thanks for being here." He blinked, already feeling the fingers of sleep grip him. But he wanted to wait till Matthew was gone at least... it was only ten minutes... only... ten...

Watching as Alfred's eyes slipped shut and the grip on his hands weakened, Matthew sighed. He was nervous for him since he could tell he would have been in a lot of pain during the accident, but there was nothing he could do about it now. Instead, he just slipped his hands away from Alfred and leaned forward slowly, kissing Alfred's lips softly. A laugh bubbled in his mind as Alfred groaned softly before getting up. Matthew needed to get home to feed Mimi and to try and sleep like the American had asked.


	15. Chapter 15

Trying to get used to the crutches, Alfred looked at the nurse that was helping him. "This is impossible. They hurt my arm pits!" How could people ever get used to these things? They were so awkward! But at least his arm and back had healed, so he didn't have that to deal with as well.

"You're going to have to get used to them like everyone else." The new nurse said, trying to get him to walk a few paces with his one leg that wasn't in a large cast.

Matthew watched on, wishing he could help his boyfriend at least a bit. If he did though, he knew he would never heal and he didn't want that. "I am happy you will be coming home today."

Not being able to turn around, Alfred just put his head to the side. "Yeah, me too. No more hospital food, and more of your food." It was almost as bad as the stuff they fed them in the army! But not quite. There would never be anything that tasted _that _bad, besides his own cooking.

Zoning out, Matthew barely remembered watching the nurse guide Alfred around a bit before he got the hang of walking with crutches. "What would you like for dinner tonight?" He asked as the nurse finally allowed them to discharge Alfred and take the elevator down. "Mimi has also grown over the last few days. She is becoming less like an awkward teenager and is starting to fill out." She was really adorable now, and Matthew couldn't wait to show her to Alfred.

"Doesn't matter. Has she been missing me?" Alfred asked, giving a laugh. Of course there was no way of knowing if a cat missed anyone. As long as they were loved and fed by someone, they were happy. But it was nice to imagine.

"I am sure. She understands French now I think and I asked her." Matthew played along. "I think I missed you more though..." Even over the last five months he still had problems expressing his feelings for Alfred in words or touches.

Smiling, Alfred tried flagging down a cab, but had trouble letting go of the crutches just yet. "Can you? Sorry. But I think you didn't need to miss me, because you were here almost every second of visitor hours." He gave a laugh, glad when a cab pulled over.

Lowering his voice to a whisper as he helped Alfred into the cab he flagged, Matthew whispered. "But you were never home at night." And really, when he had his less-frequent nightmares he liked to know that Alfred was sleeping beside him and there was nothing to worry about. Alfred hadn't pushed him to do anything he wasn't comfortable with, and that's why he was trusting him so much now.

Nodding, Alfred told the driver where to go. "Well, I will be there now. And I will be home for a long time, considering my leg."

"It really is too bad. Would you like me to get another shift at the library?" Matthew asked, looking down at the cast. It looked uncomfortable, but he knew Alfred needed it. "It would be the least I could do."

"You don't have to. This was my fault, so you shouldn't have to suffer because of it." Alfred moved the crutches so they were out of the way in the small car, but still easy to get when he needed them. Normally he would have walked the distance from here to his house, but under the circumstances that wouldn't be good.

Matthew shifted in his seat. "I wouldn't be suffering. I'm getting more used to different people at work and I like being around books." Though not as much as being around you his mind added helpfully. "Plus I could bring us more money." And clean and take care of Alfred when he was home, but that was beside the point.

Shrugging, Alfred glanced out the window to see where they were. "It's up to you, but I think we should be fine for money. I probably won't be off work too long. It's pretty much just sitting in a desk, anyway." He looked back to Matthew and smiled. "Besides, what will I do when you're not there?"

"Relax, play with Mimi." He answered, looking into Alfred's eyes. It had become easier the more he did it and he enjoyed feeling so comfortable with Alfred. So comfortable in fact that he couldn't help but want to try taking it to the next level.

They quickly got to their house. Alfred got out with some difficulty, and payed the man. "I am going to get so bored. I'll have nothing to do!" It would be difficult to even walk around the house, never mind go anywhere. But it was his own fault, really.

Matthew hovered around Alfred as he walked into their home. "You will be fine. I'm sure I could get you a book if you want..." Alfred might not like to read, but he would have time now.

Shrugging, Alfred got the keys out of his pocket and handed them to Matthew. "I have a few books." But they were about war. Before he had been drafted, he had thought they were awesome. But now, they were probably the last thing he would ever want to read.

Matthew unlocked the door and helped Alfred inside. "But you have already read them. If there is a new book I could get it from the library. Maybe I could read to you?" He asked, unsure if Alfred would want that. It was going to be difficult for the American to be still for so long but Matthew was determined to not have him hurt himself.

"Sure." He rested the crutches on the wall, hopping slightly as he worked to get his jacket off. This was going to be such a pain. He couldn't even reach his cast to draw on it! Alfred picked up his crutches again, going further into the house. "I would watch Television, but then I would eventually have to get up and go to bed. So I'm just going to go to bed."

"Would you like help with anything?" Matthew asked, getting slightly nervous. He had been thinking about it for a while, and now seemed like the best time to do it. There was a bit of hesitation, but it was sure to help him get better.

Thinking, Alfred turned his head. "Yeah, maybe a glass of water? That would be great. All this hopping has got me thirsty." Using crutches was hard work! Way harder than just walking. Alfred had never considered it before.

Nodding, Matthew helped him get to the bedroom before going to get water. It was going to be scary to ask, but it would bring them closer and push out all the bad memories out. "Here you go."

"Thanks. I appreciate it." Alfred gave a smile before drinking the whole glass of water in one gulp. He put the glass down and gave a sigh. "That was great. Sorry I'm so useless."

"You aren't useless. I am more useless and I can walk." Matthew admitted, sitting on the side of the bed. Since he had gotten so used to sleeping with Alfred after his nightly nightmares, he didn't even bother trying to sleep in his own bed anymore.

Shrugging, Alfred pulled the blankets over his legs so he wouldn't have to see the boring cast. "How are you useless? If it wasn't for you, I would be eating worse than when I was in the army, the house would be a pig sty, and I wouldn't have any company." Just then, Mimi jumped up on the bed, so he pet her, having missed her for the past week.

"That's all I can do. If it wasn't for me, you wouldn't have a broken leg." Matthew pointed out, nodding towards the cast. "I told you Mimi missed you." Plus her coming in gave him a few more mintues to plan just how he was going to ask for this.

"No, if I hadn't been an idiot and crossed in the middle of the street, I wouldn't have a broken leg." Alfred scratched behind her ear, smiling as she rolled her head closer. "She really has gotten bigger. My baby is growing up!"

Staying silent, Matthew watched as Mimi was pet and started to purr. "Um... Alfred?" He started hesitantly, his lips and throat all of a sudden becoming dry. It was in his mind for so long that he wanted to at least voice it.

"Yeah?" Alfred asked, glancing up from the cat rolling around on the bed. She rolled onto his leg, and he was glad he had a hard cast so he didn't feel it, but he still took her off, just in case. Matthew was looking nervous, but why? They weren't even touching.

"I have been thinking... Mostly when you were in the hospital the last few days..." Matthew started, clasping his hands on his lap and his eyes trained on them. "There is something I would like to try."

"Like what?" Was he talking about maybe trying to read German now? Since he could already read English fairly well, and had taught himself how to read French, maybe he would try and read the other language he knew. But, the way he had learnt German, it probably would bring up bad memories, so that couldn't be it.

"Please don't take it the wrong way but... I want to be closer with you." If Matthew did something with Alfred, then he would get better. Not only would he show just how much he cared about him; but they would be closer. It was making him sweat already but he was going to try this. If Alfred allowed him.

Smiling, Alfred patted the mattress beside him. "Alright, get over here then! I guess we can sleep in the same bed again. Too bad we couldn't in the hospital." Aw, Matthew was just so cute, wanting to sit closer to him. He could have just sat there, he didn't have to say it.

Staring intently down at his hands, Matthews voice shook. "I-I didn't mean like t-that..." Maybe he should just give it up and wait until Alfred wanted to further their relationship...

There was a moments silence, Alfred wondering what he was talking about. He couldn't mean like that, could he? No, it was way too soon. They hadn't even made out fully yet, just small kisses! "What do you mean?" He asked quietly.

"I want to try... I want to be intimate with you." Matthew said simply, swallowing his fear to look up and see Alfred's reaction. He looked surprised, but Matthew wasn't going to take it back. Sure they had barely held each other or kissed, but this way he could get closer and hopefully get over his fear.

"You... You know what you're saying, right? I mean, I may not be thinking straight, because I am still on the pain pills they gave me, but you mean stuff like... touching?" Of course Alfred wanted to, but not when Matthew would be flinching with every move.

Unable to say anything past the lump in his throat, Matthew just nodded. He wanted to be closer to the man who had made his life worth living, even if the thought was making his palms sweat. One day he would need to face his fears and he just hoped that Alfred wouldn't think he was being used like he said before they started to 'go out'.

Looking at the nervous face, Alfred gave a small sigh. Well, at least he wasn't shaking. "You're obviously not ready. Remember, you don't have to do anything like that. I'm happy just being close to you." He wasn't sure if Matthew was suggesting sex, or just foreplay or something, but he knew he obviously was still afraid.

"I'm ready Alfred!" He yelled out, blushing even more at his outburst. "I... I love you Alfred, and I want to prove how much I care about you. It is only normal I am scared becuase... The last time I did this it wasn't consentual. I want to make it mean something for both of us."

"You... love me?" Fuck, Alfred couldn't say no after that! But he could just make sure they don't go all the way, maybe. Because he didn't want Matthew to feel like he had to do this.

"I do!" He exclaimed again, wanting Alfred to understand just how much he cared about him. "I... Felt so bad when I heard you were in the hospital. It was a feeling like I would never see you again, and I couldn't live like that. Not after everything you did for me. Please... Let me do this, if not try."

Closing his eyes for a second, Alfred composed his thoughts. "Alright. But how far are you willing to go? Maybe a kiss would be good for today." That would bring them farther along in their relationship, and it probably wouldn't make Matthew too scared.

Matthew shook his head. "I want more than a kiss. I want to be close. You are the only person I can trust to do this with." A kiss would be nice, but he didn't want to psych himself out with it before continuing.

Damn. Alfred knew that if they only did some foreplay, he would be able to stop himself, but it would then be like sitting in front of a plate of delicious food, but having to hold back from eating it. Why couldn't Matthew see? "Ok, so more than a kiss... but how far, exactly?"

Something had definitely changed in Matthew. If Alfred wouldn't have gone to the hospital, he was sure that he would have never gotten this idea. But now with his feelings of never seeing Alfred pushing his mind, he made it up. Even if he ended up not being able to do this, Matthew was going to try.

"I-I don't know the English for it..." He mumbled, suddenly feeling nervous. "But I want to be close!" Matthew knew he couldn't have sex yet, but maybe doing something sexual would help him feel more comfortable.

"Alright. Just do it then." Alfred knew they could stop if it became too much for Matthew, so he decided it would be fine. Maybe he could just give Matt a hand job or something and he would feel like that was good enough to placate him.

Nodding, it took a few seconds for Matthew to take off his glasses before turning around. "Pl-Please don't hate me." He whispered before leaning over Alfred to kiss him fully on the lips.


	16. Chapter 16

Closing his eyes, Alfred let himself bask in the kiss. He felt Matthew open his mouth slightly, so he opened his too. To not alarm him, the American didn't move his tongue or hands. He wouldn't want him to feel trapped.

Mathew wanted to deepen the kiss but something was stopping him. Maybe it was that the soldiers would only kiss him hard enough to bruise his mouth, but whatever it was, he knew Al wouldn't do it. Not only did they care about each other, but Alfred didn't seem to want to scare him. That was enough to let his tongue flick out hesitantly against Alfred's lips.

Giving a small grown, Alfred let his mouth open more. He opened his eyes slightly to see Matthew's closed ones. This was more than he could have ever hoped for. It just felt so good, so pure. How could anyone possibly force another human being to do this?

Nervous, Matthew pulled back with a small pop and looked down at Alfred. "I-I'm sorry..." He apologized. There was nothing good about how he kissed, and he was a fool to think that Alfred would like to taste his mouth that had been defiled so many times before.

Lifting his hand up, Alfred placed it hesitantly on Matthew's cheek. "There is nothing to say sorry about. That was amazing." Maybe that would be enough for today, considering how far Matt had come from before.

Without realizing it, Matthew found himself almost nuzzling the hand on his cheek. It was such a soft, innocent gesture that he could feel tears prick his eyes. Unsure of what to say, he just leaned down again and captured Alfred's lips in a slightly more insistent kiss. He was determined to show just how much he cared; just how scared he was when he thought he had lost Alfred for good.

Keeping his hand on his cheek, Alfred kissed back this time, matching Matthew's movements. He didn't tense up, so it must mean he was fine with this. But then again, this was only kissing, and they were still wearing their clothes.

Somewhat happy that Alfred was reciprocating but letting him take the lead, Matthew slowly twisted on the bed so he was leaning over more. Turning his head to the side, he opened his mouth wider to let their tongues dance. It felt much nicer than anything the German's had done to him.

As if his fingers went there themselves, they ghosted to Alfred's other arm and lightly held on. It felt comforting and nice which in itself made Matthew upset with himself for taking so long to be able to do this.

Pulling back slightly, Alfred gave a small smile. "Are you still ok?" He asked, still concerned about him. He just couldn't help it, needing to worry. After all that Matthew had been through, he deserved at least that much.

"I trust you Alfred." He murmured, smiling down at him. Unconsciously Matthew licked his lips, getting a bit nervous again as he thought about where he wanted this to go. "I-I'm ready."

Nodding, Alfred took a breath. "You still haven't told me what we're doing. And remember, if you want or need to stop, it's fine."

Matthew nodded as well. "I... I don't know still what the word is, b- but..." He stopped to swallow loudly. "I can't use my mouth." That or have sex, but that was already implied.

Nodding, Alfred propped himself up on his elbows. "Alright. Do you want me to do it for you?" He was strangely looking forward to seeing an intimate part of Matthew. It just seemed so forbidden, that he wanted to see it, to touch it, to feel it. But only if he was alright with it, of course.

Matthew could feel his cheeks burning as he nodded. "I-I would like th-that." He couldn't figure out if he could touch Alfred, but he was going to try and make him feel as good as he was going to.

"Ok. Um, you will need to come a little closer." Stupid broken leg, making it difficult for him to move. He figured that if it was only a hand job, he could just unzip Matthew's pants, so he wouldn't feel too exposed. The rest of the clothes could come off when he felt more comfortable.

Sliding up closer, Matthew looked everywhere except Alfred's face. "O-Ok..." He was scared but he was willing to let his boyfriend do this. It wasn't going to feel bad or humiliating, it was going to feel nice. Not like everything that used to happen to him.

Before he went for Matthew's fly, Alfred looked him in the eye. "Are you sure you want to do this? You have to be really sure, I don't want you feeling uncertain." Since he hadn't thought he would ever get this far, it would not hurt to stop now.

Feeling Alfred's hand on his thigh made him tense, but he knew he would be fine. Alfred wouldn't hurt him like that, not when they cared about each other. Right? "I... I want to try, but I might n-not be able to do this." Matthew would definitely try for Alfred, but his body may get lost in the good feelings and think too much about the past.

"Alright. Make sure to tell me if you need to stop." He just wanted to make sure that Matthew wouldn't try to tough it out and keep quiet, because he was known to do that. Slowly, Alfred lifted his hand, moving it forward and watching for any signs of nervousness.

Nodding, Matthew bit his bottom lip lightly as his face continued to colour. "I d-do love you Al."

Giving a small smile, Alfred let his hand fall lightly on the top of Matthew's pants. "I love you too." It was nice knowing that his feelings were being reciprocated, but he still just wanted what was best for him.

Jumping lightly, he apologized with a smile. "Please be gentle." Not wanting to see his expression, Matthew leaned down to kiss Alfred again. Even if he became skiddish as soon as Alfred's hand was on him, at least they could kiss more and try again.

As they were kissing, Alfred stalled undoing his pants. They pulled back slightly, and he let his eyes search for any problems. "Maybe you want to undo them?" He knew he was just stalling the inevitable, but there was nothing else he could do.

Nodding slowly, Matthew put his hand on his crotch after Alfred's moved. He wasn't even sure if he would be able to get hard since he was so nervous, but he wanted to show Alfred just how much he cared. Without looking to Alfred's face below him, he undid the button and unzipped them painfully slow.

"You're scared. We should stop." He wanted to continue, but not at Matthew's expense. His hand was practically shaking! Just the kiss would be enough to keep him going for a long time, hopefully long enough for Matthew to get more comfortable with this.

"No. I-I want this. Please Alfred?" Matthew asked, having gotten his fly undone. He was still completely flaccid, but he hoped that Alfred could change that.

Damn, why couldn't he say no to that beautiful face? "Alright. What do you want me to do?" He was pretty sure, but wanted to be certain. After all, if he did something wrong, it could have a horrible reaction on Matthew, and make it so they never did something like this again.

Holding Alfred's hand against his crotch, Matthew continued to blush. "Make me feel good. Help me forget." It hurt him a bit to know how Alfred felt about this, but he wanted to. Even if he was scared a bit. At least it wasn't sex.

Nodding, Alfred started to slowly move his hand, fingers opening the slit in his pants. Every movement was as slow as he could make it, not wanting to startle Matthew. God, he was one layer of cloth away from feeling his cock, the part he had been dreaming about for a while now. So close!

Putting one hand on Alfred's chest, he kept his eyes closed, wanting to feel Alfred and not a stranger. But... He also couldn't see him and make sure it wasn't a soldier. Everything was just setting his heart to beat wildly. He didn't normally get touched like this without sex, so he was less nervous because of it.

Figuring he would have to do it now, Alfred let his fingers go over top of Matthew's underwear. First he felt coarse hair, and then soft flesh. He took a breath, not going farther. Damn, he wasn't even hard, so obviously he wasn't liking this.

Taking a deep breath to calm himself down, Matthew finally opened his eyes and looked at Alfred. "T-this is ok. They n-never did this for me to feel good. I t-trust you Alfred."

"I love you." He whispered, allowing his hand to make contact with the soft cock. "I... will have to take it out... if that is alright?" He couldn't move very well inside the pants, so it only made sense, after all. Hopefully, Matthew would get hard soon and start feeling good, or else this was all pointless.

Nodding, Matthew's hand made a fist on Alfred's chest. He really did want this, and even more to share it with his now lover. Still, it didn't stop his body from shaking a bit and his mind running rampant with the idea that somehow Alfred would turn it all around and decide to take advantage of his forward advances.

Alfred tried to not look at it when he pulled Matthew's shaft out of his pants, wanting him to keep his dignity, but really, he couldn't stop himself. He looked down at what his hand was lightly holding, and put the picture in his memory. It just suited him so well, the head slightly pinkish and looking like it was peeking out of the nest of golden hair. But it still was limp.

If Matthew wasn't already deathly embarrassed and nervous by now, he didn't know what else would do it. Not only was Alfred just staring at his manhood, but he was still soft. Tears pricked his eyes; getting upset with himself for not being able to do this when he felt so ready.

Seeing the moisture, Alfred lifted up his free hand, wiping it away. "It's alright, I understand." He let go of the cock, not wanting to see Matthew cry because of this.

"No, you don't!" He choked, breaking down at the tender touch on his cheek. "I-I wanted to show y-you just h-how much I c-care about you! W-why!" Matthew sobbed, not wanting to give up quite yet but knowing it was pretty much a lost cause now.

"You have already shown me that." Alfred said, smiling up at him. "You came with me to America, you cook great meals, when I kissed you, and you found out I knew about what happened to you, you not only forgave me, you tried dating me. That is more than I could ever ask for."

Staring down at Alfred's face with his face twisted in pain, Matthew threw himself onto his chest and all but bawled. None of this was the American's fault, and he didn't need to see Matthew lose control so badly. His heart and mind were shaken and all he wanted now was to be held by someone that could save him from his past.

Why was he always making Matthew cry? Alfred just lightly patted his back, knowing enough to not make him feel trapped. After all, he had pretty much figured that the times that he freaked out the most were when he didn't have an escape rout. "It's ok, you don't have to cry."

Sniffling, Matthew reached down discreetly to place himself back into his pants. "I...I just wanted to share myself with you... Would you..." Matthew let his question hang, unsure if he was ready to try helping Alfred tonight.

"Would I? Would I what?" Alfred realized that Matthew had a habit of leaving questions half finished. It didn't bug him though, it was better than them not being asked at all.

"Like help?" He whispered, looking up his chest into his azure eyes. It was the least he could do since he still wasn't ready to be touched. Matthew still could help Alfred. It had never happened, so he wouldn't be any good although he would try.

Suddenly understanding, Alfred looked down at his own crotch, seeing the obvious bulge there. He hadn't even noticed! "Oh, um I'm fine, really. I can just get rid of this myself, I should probably have a shower anyway..." But his damn foot wouldn't let him. Oh well, it would go down eventually.

Nodding somewhat hesitantly, Matthew just lay his head on Alfred's chest. At least he could show his love like this. "I'm sorry I can't do anything right. One day I want to be fully intimate with you." He confided, feeling soothed by the sound of another's resting heartbeat, and not one beating from excursion.

"Look how far you have come in just five months. Matt, that is amazing, so don't worry about things like this." Alfred was really proud of him, and was filled with pride when he thought that he had a part in that. It was mostly Matthew, but he had helped at least a little.

Crying softly, he just nuzzled into Alfred. Now he was ok; everything was going to be ok. "Thank you Alfred. Please don't forget I love you." He had done so much for the wavy haired blond in the first place. "I'm glad I was given this chance even if I feel selfish." A small lump formed in his throat as he tried to swallow.

Closing his eyes so he could better feel this moment, Alfred lightly kissed the top of Matthew's head. "Don't feel selfish. You deserve someone loving you." If he could protect him for the rest of their lives, Alfred would be happy, just like this.

"But you deserve someone better to love." Matthew mumbled sleepily, glad he had already taken the glasses off that Alfred had let him have so long ago. The rising and falling of Alfred's chest was putting him to sleep.

Letting his head fall back into the pillow, Alfred liked being used as a pillow. "The most heroic person in the world isn't worthy enough to love you. I'm just glad I got here first." Well, in his eyes, _Matthew_ was the most heroic person in the world, but still.

"Thank you Alfred." Matthew murmured as he slowly fell into his most comfortable sleep since before Germany, pressed against the one person in the world he felt comfortable around.

Giving a content sigh, Alfred closed his eyes. Matthew was just so perfect, he couldn't ask for anything else. And tonight was the first night they would sleep together, cuddling.


	17. Chapter 17

The next morning came surprisingly fast for Matthew. Not only did he not have a nightmare, but he didn't wake up a single time during the night. Why was that? Well, when he looked up and saw Alfred's face close to his, snoring lightly in sleep, Matthew blushed. Why were they so close? Oh, he remembered... With that new memory he blushed even harder and tried to shimmy away from Alfred's warm body. It felt nice and comfortable though, but he didn't want to be found like that. It was already too embarrassing to think of how badly he failed at trying to make them closer.

Feeling the bed move, Alfred opened one sleepy eye. "Morning." He mumbled. Hadn't they gone to sleep cuddling? Then why wasn't Matthew on him anymore? Damn, his leg hurt. He needed to take some pain pills soon.

"G-Good morning Alfred." Matthew said quickly, upset with himself for waking him up. "I was just going t-to make breakfast. Is there anything you w-would like?"

"Pain pills." Alfred grunted, not caring what else was made. "Are you alright?" Lately, Matthew would only stutter if he was stressed or scared or nervous. Which happened fairly often, but less so now than it used to. So it was strange that he was doing it now, considering they had just woken up.

"I-I'm alright..." Well, he may as well be honest, even if it was embarrassing beyond belief. "I just found... That I didn't h-have any nightmares last night... And I think it was because I was close to you." Maybe if they did it more, it would help Matthew get used to it and he could then try being intimate again.

Nodding, Alfred gave a smile. "That's great! We should sleep like that every night!" That would feel so nice. Every night, being as intimate as they had been, sleeping so close together.

"I... I would like that." He said with a smile, looking to the bed. "Would you like some water as well? And pancakes?"

Putting his hands under the blanket, Alfred scratched the skin right above the cast. "Yeah, that sounds good." The cast just made him so itchy! They must have a way to fix that. "Hey, Matt, thank you for last night."

Pausing, Matthew swallowed before answering. "You're welcome, although I wish I could have behaved better." Still, he needed to get the medicine so that his boyfriend wouldn't be in pain. Also the pancakes were going to take a few minutes, and he was thinking of putting chocolate chips in them.

"You were great. We kissed for real, and we slept so close together. You are really coming along fast." Well, not that he knew the normal rate a man that was raped multiple times would fully recover, but he assumed it was between years to never.

Flushing from the compliment, Matthew rubbed his cheeks before slipping off the bed; still in his clothes from yesterday. "I will bring the medicine back first then make breakfast." Slipping his glasses on from the side table; he padded to the kitchen and brought water and the container of medicine.

Taking them, Alfred opened the pill bottle and popped two in his mouth before swallowing them with the water. "Thanks. You are the greatest." How long would they take to work? The pain wasn't as bad as when it happened, obviously, but it still hurt.

"I'm not the greatest." Matthew left it at that before leaving to make breakfast. He couldn't even get hard when Alfred touched him, even if he was in love with the American. How could he be great if they couldn't show their affection?

Closing his eyes, Alfred tried going back to sleep. But soon the smell of pancakes was through the whole house, so he just gave up. Maybe he could read... but all his books were on the other side of the room. He leaned over the side of the bed, grabbing the crutches. It took him a while, but finally he was standing. Well, after all that work, he should go father than just the other side of the room. So he went for the door, deciding Matthew didn't need to do everything for him, including bringing him food in bed.

Matthew turned around with a plate full of chocolate chip pancakes before startling. "Why are you up? I was going to bring you breakfast so you didn't need to expend yourself so quickly. Plus I read on the container that your medicine can make you drowsy."

"Oh well. I'm up already, so you don't have to worry." But quickly he was down, pulling out a chair to sit in. He couldn't stand on those things for very long, so hopefully he wouldn't have to walk much until he was healed more.

Placing the dish in front of Alfred, he just sat beside him. "Well, then I hope you enjoy them. If you would still like syrup I made sure to buy some more after work last week." Because he knew just how much both of them liked it. It was a bit expensive, but it was worth it. "Maybe you would like to watch television as well?"

"You didn't buy it with your money from your job, did you?" Alfred asked, lifting an eyebrow. The look Matthew gave him was enough to know the answer. "You know I want you to keep that money for yourself."

"But I still feel bad. Plus it's as much for me as it is for you." Matthew had definitely gotten much better at not succumbing to others wills. And he was glad that he could bend Alfred's mind on some matters if he was insistent enough.

Sighing, Alfred started eating the pancakes. He still made the best ones. "Well, what are you going to do today? Unfortunately, I know exactly what I'm doing." Staying in the house, and walking around as little as possible. Stupid leg.

Matthew sat down beside Alfred. "Hopefully taking care of you." He answered truthfully, trying to not get too embarrassed over the memories from last night.

"Sorry you have to. This is going to suck." He poured some syrup on his pancakes, which just made them even better. "I hate not being able to do stuff by myself." He had decided to not mention what had happened the night before, because he didn't want to make Matthew uncomfortable.

Matthew shook his head. "I want to be able to help you. After... After last night I want to do something I can do." He knew Alfred wasn't upset about the disappointment last night, but Matthew was mostly because he felt so ready when he wasn't.

Smiling when Mimi jumped on his lap, Alfred started petting her obediently. "You are already doing more than enough." He really was, considering Alfred used to do everything by himself when he lived alone. Of course, now that he had a broken leg... It was a good thing the pain medications were starting to work.

"You always say that but I never feel that it's true." Matthew murmured, gazing at Mimi who was kneading Alfred's legs as she purred up a storm.

"But I feel that it's true. I love you too much not to." It was a great feeling to be able to say it. Before, when he had been hiding it, it had really been horrible, but now they were dating and Matthew finally said it back!

"I love you too. _You are the best person for me in the world_." He added in French; too embarrassed to actually say it for Alfred to understand. Matthew could have sworn that Mimi looked between the two of them after he said it, but it wasn't possible for her to actually understand.

Finishing up the food, Alfred wished it was as easy as it used to be to take them up to the sink. "I hope you aren't insulting me in French." He joked, smiling so Matthew would know he wasn't serious.

Putting his hand on Alfred's shoulder to stop him from trying to get up, the smaller blond answered. "Everything but. Please do not worry about the dishes and relax. The more you sleep, the faster and better you will heal."

"And the faster and better I will get bored and sick of sleeping." He wasn't used to being cooped up for so long! Even when he got wounded in the war, he could at least walk around after a day or two! Well, a little longer with the one on his chest, but even then he snuck a quick walk every once in a while.

"Please try to sleep at least? Isn't you medicine making you drowsy?" Matthew pleaded, taking the dishes away.

Giving a small laugh, Alfred nodded. "Yeah, a little. But just because you asked me to." He got the crutches from the floor, hopping up before he got his balance. "I'll be in my room, laying there like a vegetable." He couldn't wait to get this cast off.

Going to Alfred's side, Matthew hovered to make sure he was ok. "Are you sure you don't want my help instead of using the crutches? It is bound to be more comfortable."

Thinking it over, Alfred gave a small nod. "Alright, that would be nice." After all, it wasn't far, so Matthew wouldn't have to support his weight for very long. The crutches were getting really annoying.

Helping Alfred stand up, the smaller blond let him hold onto his shoulders to be taken back to the room. It could pretty much be called their room now that Matthew slept with Alfred every night. "Is this better?" He asked when Alfred was sitting on the side of the bed.

"Yes, thanks. I hope it wasn't too hard on you." That was way easier than the crutches, but if he was too heavy for Matthew than it wasn't worth it.

Shaking his head, Matthew smiled before deciding to use his newly found confidence around Alfred. Maybe they didn't do everything Matthew thought he could handle, but they still got farther than before. "Nothing is too difficult if it's for you." With that, he leaned over, brushing the Americans lips with his own. Daringly, he added a flick of his tongue, wanting to show that he was ok with the embrace.

Taking in a breath, Alfred closed his eyes. Ah, he wanted to hold Matthew, but still didn't dare. He probably wouldn't freak out, but he would still be uncomfortable, so he didn't do it. When they pulled apart, the American gave a smile. "I could really get used to that."

Smiling again, Matthew didn't say anything before leaning forward once more. The more comfortable he was with this, the closer he could become to Alfred. He might have not wanted to be used like that, but the smaller blond didn't think of it that way. He thought of it as a way to be able to share more of himself with his lover.

Tilting his head up, Alfred made it easier for Matthew to kiss him. It just felt so good to finally do this with him, after so long of nothing. He opened his mouth slightly, not sure if French kissing was alright.

Feeling something strange but not unwelcome go through his body, Matthew responded to the open mouth. Flicking his tongue out, he tried to let Alfred know he was ok. His hand found it's way onto the American's shoulder, bringing their bodies closer. This was nice, and not too overbearing.

Slowly falling backwards, Alfred was glad when Matthew followed, so he was practically on top of him. They were still kissing, and he didn't seem to mind the change in position.

Pulling away on his own when he was all but on top of Alfred, Matthew stared down at him; licking his lips. "A-Are you feeling better?"

"I'm feeling great." Alfred said, giving a large smile. Well, in truth he was still a little tired from the pills, but that could be ignored easily enough. And the pain in his leg was going away nicely, also thanks to the pills. But, with Matthew so close, and his taste still lingering on his lips, he couldn't be better.

Feeling completely at ease, Matthew made another split second decision. Still not moving from where he was over Alfred, the smaller man took his lovers hand and placed it over his crotch again. He wasn't hard yet, but he could feel the blood pooling unlike last night. "I want to try again. This time I'm sure Alfred."

Giving a small gasp, Alfred nodded slowly. "If you're sure." He moved his hand slightly so he could get to Matthew's fly. They were actually going to try again, and only a day after the last time. But the look in Matt's eyes wasn't like last time, this was determined. He could also see the love in there, which made him happy.

Moving behind Alfred's hand to undo the button on his jeans as well as to zip open the fly, Matthew smiled nervously. "If I get scared again, please don't hate me. I... I'm not used to being given pleasure. Please change that Alfred."

"I couldn't hate you, no matter what." Well, now that his fly was open, Alfred slowly let his fingers go inside, just like last time. "I will make sure you feel pleasure." He whispered, smiling up at the beautiful person above him.

Nodding, Matthew let himself trust Alfred with such an intimate part of his body. As long as he wasn't straddling the other, he would be fine. It was a bit sad to say, but Matthew felt safer knowing that with his leg in a cast, his lover couldn't chase after him if need be. Even now his mind was finding escape routes.

Going past the curly hair, Alfred closed his eyes when he felt flesh. But he quickly opened them, to see Matthew's expression. He wasn't completely soft like last time! Not fully hard yet, but that was alright. At least he was feeling it!

Biting his lip, Matthew was too embarrassed to keep his eyes open. Instead, he focused on the tingling his cock felt from being handled so tenderly. Alfred really did love him if he was willing to wait two months after they started to be boyfriends to do something intimate.

Once again, Alfred slowly brought the smooth appendage out, carefully avoiding the zipper. "Tell me if you want to stop." Even if he had said he was sure, the American still wanted to make it clear that they could stop at any time.

Matthew nodded as he felt himself start to harden. It had been so long without being touch; last night not included that it was responding well. "I will." It wasn't the same grip as the German soldiers. Even after being in America Matthew couldn't bring himself to touch himself.

Slowly, Alfred moved his hand up all the way to the pinkish head. He took a breath, waiting to see if Matthew would stop him. But he didn't, so his hand went down to the base again. "Is this alright?"

Matthew just nodded again as a shudder made it's way through his body. "Yes." Shifting so he was closer to Alfred; the smaller man sat on his legs while keeping his cock accessible.

Going a little faster, Alfred ran his hand quickly over the head so he would get some of the precum on it, lessening the friction. He wanted to make Matthew feel as good as possible, to prove that good things came from the hands of other people as well, not just pain and suffering.

Bringing a hand to his mouth, Matthew bit on a knuckle to keep himself quiet. It was strange to have himself be touched like this- not bad, just strange. Still, it was an amazing feeling to be so close to Alfred. It felt good, which was probably the strangest thing to Matthews pain-conditioned body.

Lifting up a hand, Alfred pushed Matthew's`hand away from his mouth. "Don't hurt yourself. If you need to stop the sounds, kiss me." He said quietly, eyes searching. It made him happy that he was now fully hard, and obviously felt good.

"But then I-I can't see th-that it's you." Matthew explained; keeping his hand away. Still, he looked down into Alfred's deep blue eyes as the hand on his length stroked his expertly without pain or harsh sounding words grating his ears. Even thinking about it made him nervous, so he stopped.

"Keep your eyes open, then." As long as Matthew wasn't hurting himself, Alfred was fine with it. The small, almost unnoticeable noises were making his own cock harden, but that didn't change anything.

The touch to his manhood felt nice; so nice that he was already oozing beads of precum. This would be the first time he had orgasmed since the day that he was liberated from his camp and taken under Alfred's wing. The thought alone had Matthew tearing up as he started to rock lightly into the palm.

Seeing the small tears, Alfred feared it was like last night. "Are you alright?" But this time he kept his hand moving. After all, if he stayed like this, it would get painful for Matthew.

"I'm just h-happy." Matthew explained, feeling himself getting even closer. Only a few more strokes and he would have the best and most memorable climax of his life. "Alfred.. I-I'm close..."

Nodding, the American moved his hand faster, exited that Matthew would be feeling good after all this time. "I love you so much."

Almost immediately, a shot of sticky cum flew from Matthew's cock. Writhing while sitting up, he gasped out Alfred's name as he squirted again as the American brought him off his pleasurable high. Being touched like this was what made him try being close in the first place.

Smiling, Alfred took his hand off Matthew's cock when it was completely finished cumming. His hand was covered in it, and he couldn't be happier. "You did it. I am so proud of you!" He reached for a Kleenex, which luckily he kept by his bed.

Smiling as well, Matthew nestled himself next to Alfred. "Thank you Alfred, for helping me. I don't want you to feel like I am using you to get better anymore. That isn't the truth."

Looking down, Alfred suddenly remembered his words from way before. Oh fuck, he had been remembering those all this time? "Matthew, God I'm sorry. I-I didn't mean those, I know you would never do that. I was just not thinking, and I was confused." Why had he said that? He was such an idiot!

"I understand. Thank you." Really, he was as tired as Alfred should have been from the medicine. It was strange not to pass out or worry about himself after cumming, but his mind wouldn't stop being hypersensitive despite wanting sleep so early in the day.

Yawning, Alfred stretched his arms. "Well, I'm going to take a nap. Want to join me?" They could sleep together like last night. That would be nice, and they would probably both sleep better because of it.

Matthew nodded before tucking himself next to Alfred. The high from his climax continued to wash through him, making it easy to slip into a dreamless, easy slumber.


	18. Chapter 18

Slowly turning his head to the side, Alfred opened his eyes. How long had he been asleep? Matthew wasn't there anymore, but he smelt something cooking. It seemed a little dark outside.

Bringing the food over to his boyfriend's bed, Matthew sat on the edge with a plate full of food. "Are you hungry?" He asked, looking down at Alfred with joy. It was so amazing that he allowed the American to touch him.

"Yeah, starving." He smiled up at Matthew, remembering what they had done, what Matthew had been alright with. It was great that he had been alright with everything, and had even climaxed. "How are you doing?"

"I'm good. I had a nap and then cleaned for a bit. I think Mimi was getting lonely." Matthew added as said cat leaped onto the bed. Passing the plate over, the smaller blond pet their cat.

Taking the plate, Alfred picked up a fork. "Smells great. What time is it?" He was curious to see how long he had slept. If he could sleep this much every day, being stuck at home might not be such a bad thing.

"It's not too late; just about thirty minutes after dinner time." It was a good thing that Alfred slept so long because that meant he would heal faster and better. "I didn't want to wake you up so I kept it warm in the oven for you."

Nodding, Alfred started on the food, loving the taste. "I would ask if you want to go for a walk after I eat, but I guess that is pretty much out of the question." He gave a laugh, eating more of the food. It was so good, amazing how Matthew could make it.

"If we borrowed a wheelchair we could..." Though Matthew knew that wasn't what Alfred was thinking. "What would you like to do?" It was amazing that he didn't feel awkward around the American. If anything, Matthew felt closer and less shy because he showed that he was able to do that with his lover.

Shaking his head, Alfred gave another laugh. This really sucked, but there was nothing he could do about it. "Maybe you could help me to the couch, and we can watch Television?" For some reason, the American suspected Matthew never watched it unless he was there.

Matthew nodded. Waiting for Alfred to put his plate to the side, he then let his arm go across his shoulders to help him up and over to the living room couch. "I'm grateful you gave me another chance." He murmured as Alfred hopped along beside him.

"I'm glad you let yourself." He said quietly, hopping over to the couch. He sat down, his hand lingering for a second on Matthew's shoulder. "Thanks for helping me." Alfred said, smiling. "But you're going to have to turn it on." If only there was a way of doing those things from the couch. Maybe he could get a long stick.

Nodding, Matthew went over to the box and turned it on. "Is this show ok or would you like to watch the other channel?" It was the least he could do when Alfred got hurt from trying to help him.

Sinking into the couch, Alfred gave a smile. "Can you say it again? What you said last night, you know, right before all that happened." Of course, with his nap it seemed like that was two days ago, but he knew it wasn't.

"Say it again?" He asked, looking over to the couch. There was a lot he said, so Matthew didn't want to assume.

"Yes. Please." Alfred said, looking over at him with the same grin on his face. It had made him so happy last night, that he just wanted to hear it as much as possible, even if the memories that went along with it were less than amazing.

"Say that I love you?" He asked again, liking the feeling of having someone so happy with him. Matthew wasn't used to it, even after five months of being away from everything. "I love you Alfred."

Smile widening, Alfred let his eyes close. "Again." He couldn't hear enough of it, the sound of the words coming from Matthew's mouth were amazing, so beautiful. Just like he was, and now no other person could take advantage of that, because the American would protect him.

Going back to Alfred, he rested his head on his shoulder as he sat down. "I love you. Je t'aime tellment." Matthew added in French, feeling it was much more personal to say it in his own language.

"I love you too." Slowly, Alfred brought up his hand, lightly touching Matthew's cheek so he would turn his head. And making sure that he was alright, the taller blond leaned closer, giving him a quick kiss on the lips, not forceful, but loving.

Allowing Alfred to kiss him, Mathew thought about just how healed he had become with his help. If it wasn't for him, then he would probably be scared to leave wherever he would be staying and wouldn't be able to meet new people well.

Pulling back, Alfred smiled. "So, what's on?" He asked, looking back to the Television screen. Unfortunately it wasn't the Three Stooges, that was for sure. It looked like something more serious, not a comedy. Too bad.

"I don't know the name of Television shows very well yet." Matthew answered, content to stay close to the American. He knew it would still be a while before he could do more with Alfred, but for now being close felt amazing.

Leaning closer, Alfred let his head rest lightly on Matthew's shoulder. "As long as you're here, it doesn't matter."

.oOo.

Opening the door for Alfred, Matthew smiled as he walked out on the crutches. "How does it feel to know you will be able to walk normally later?" He asked, staying near after locking the door behind them.

"I won't really be able to walk normally, just less like a freak." He laughed, manoeuvring down the few stairs. He had been outside once when he was still recovering, when Matthew had been at work and he had gotten bored. But it was a nice day out today, so he was happy to be getting his cast off.

"It is still better than now. I am excited for you Alfred." The small blond said, making sure Alfred was ok. He said he wanted to try walking to the hospital with the crutches but he still brought enough money for a taxi.

Getting down the steps without falling, Alfred started off in the direction of the hospital. "And you won't have to take care of me anymore." He had stopped needing pain pills a while ago, but there was still the small flair up of pain every once in a while.

"Plus you arm and back healed quite nicely. It would have been a shame if you would have scarred too badly." Matthew could still remember the small scar on Alfred's chest from a bullet, but he didn't mention it since it was so long ago he saw it.

Shrugging, Alfred tried avoiding all the uneven pavement. This city was a death trap for people with crutches! "It doesn't matter if I have scars or not. They are good stories to tell." And he had a few 'stories' from the war, and then some not so amazing ones from before the war.

Matthew laughed quietly. "I'm somehow unsure that saying you got hit by a car crossing the street would be a good story. Maybe you could stretch the truth and say you were saving a damsel in distress."

"Yes, from having to walk the evil streets by himself." The American said, giving a laugh. Well alright, his other scars had better stories. He looked over at his lover, giving a sigh. "But I'll probably have a scar on my leg, anyway. It was bleeding worse than my back."

Matthew hadn't really heard anything about the accident from Alfred before. "How bad was the accident?" He couldn't help but feel worried even if it happened a while ago.

Watching the cars go past, Alfred allowed himself to remember it. "The accident itself wasn't too bad, it was basically the way I fell. And as soon as I moved, part of the bone stuck out." It was a good thing the road wasn't busy, or he would have been run over by another car.

Matthew winced as they continued to walk. "That is painful. I'm glad you healed so well." Because as much as he liked to take care of Alfred, Matthew wanted him to be better.

"Yeah, me too. He said I will have to wrap it for a while, so I hope you might be able to help me with that?" Because he just knew that if he did it himself, it might stay on for maybe an hour, and probably wouldn't do any good anyway.

"Yes, of course. I wish I could have taken your place so you wouldn't have to go through this..." Matthew mumbled, looking to the ground.

Looking sideways at him, Alfred frowned. "Don't say that. You've been through so much pain already, it would be beyond cruel for you to have any more." He would have lightly touched Matthew's hand for reassurance, if not for the crutches.

"But I would have been find with bed rest. Still, I'm sorry for saying it. I wish it didn't happen in the first place, but now you are ok." Now they were at the hospital, walking through the doors to find where Alfred would have his cast removed.

Alfred went up to talk to one of the ladies behind the desk, and she told him where to go. "Thanks." He went back to Matthew, smiling. "Alright, let's go get this thing off me."

Making sure no one was watching, Matthew leaned forward and kissed Alfred on the cheek. "I'm happy for you." And really he was. The American was getting progressively bored and it was sad to watch.

Smile widening, Alfred took Matthew's hand and started leading him to the elevator. "So glad they have one of these. Stairs suck." Well, normally they weren't bad, but with his crutches they were possibly the worst thing possible.

Nodding slowly, Matthew told himself it would be fine. It had been a while since he felt nervous like this, but it was a small metal box that was sound proof. Even if he was in it with his lover, the small man couldn't help but be skiddish.

They got out on the right floor, Alfred looking for the room. He started walking towards it, Matthew following behind. "So she said the doctor would be a few minutes. It's the same guy that put it on, isn't that kinda funny?"

"Yes, it is funny." Matthew remarked, looking around the hospital. "Are you going to go back to work once the cast is off?" He asked, his voice only slightly betraying the fact that he was going to miss taking care of the American.

Alfred opened the door to the room and went inside. "Yeah, I probably should. I mean, I can't stay home for ever." It couldn't be helped though. He had already been away for a long time, and it was starting to get tight with money.

Nodding, Matthew waited as Alfred talked to the doctor and then came back. "When will he take your cast off?" He asked, placing his hand on the American's.

"He just has to fill out some papers and he will be back. He said just to wait in the room." Alfred hopped into the small room, waiting for Matthew to follow. "I need to sit on the chair. I can't get up onto the bed like this."

Sitting on the bed instead, the small blond let his boyfriend take the chair. "Alfred..." He started, swinging his feet a bit off he bed. "When you are better... Could we go to the beach?"

Looking up at him, Alfred nodded. "Yeah, that would be fun." They would need to get Matthew a bathing suit, and probably one that covered his whole body, because he most likely wouldn't want one that just covered where it needed to.

Smiling, Mathew continued to look around the room. "I'm going to miss taking care of you, you know." He stated, still not looking at Alfred. "Mimi is going to miss you as well."

"You're acting like I'm going to leave or something. Besides, you know about my cooking skills, so you are still going to have to take care of me." In truth, Alfred didn't mind that fact, because that meant they would be together still.

"I know you aren't leaving, but I can't help but feel as if I won't be able to spend as much time with you. I could always get another shift at the library so you don't have to work as much."

Alfred was about to reply when the door opened and the doctor walked in. "Hello, Alfred, and... Michel?" He asked, trying to remember the shy blond's name. It wasn't that he didn't want to remember, it was just that he was a forgettable person.

"Matthew." He corrected, getting off the bed and ready in case he needed to help Alfred. "Are you removing the cast?"

"Yes, I will do that after a quick check up. If you wouldn't mind waiting in the lobby, perhaps?" Since he knew that these men weren't related, it would make things easier. The doctor wondered what type of relationship they had, but decided that he didn't want to know. It wasn't his place to judge.

Alfred crossed his arms. "Why can't he stay?"

"It's ok Alfred. I'll go wait." He wasn't the best with medical things anyways, even if it was just removing a cast. Sure he could take care of himself and people he cared about, but even then he had to draw a line. It wasn't too much longer after he sat down on a chair in the waiting room that Alfred came walking out, a big grin on his face. Standing up, Matthew went over to him. "How does it feel?" He asked, trying to ignore the angry scar running along it.

"Like I haven't moved my leg in a few weeks. It looks so pale!" And the scar contrasted a lot with that white pasty skin. He held up the tensor bandage. "The doc wanted to wrap it up, but I told him you would do a better job."

"He could have done it much better than anything I could do." Matthew said humbly. Still, he took the bandage and motioned for Alfred to put his leg up so he could wrap it. "Does it hurt at all to move it?"

Sitting down so his leg could be wrapped, Alfred tilted his head so he could watch. "Yeah, it still hurts, but not as bad as it used to. And I don't think I would like the one the doctor would have done. Much better if it comes from you."

Blushing lightly, Matthew finished wrapping the bandage and used a pin to keep it in place. "Did he tell you any exercises you could do it help it heal?" He wanted Alfred to get better, not live with a strangely healed leg.

"A few. But let's get back home. And this time, we should take a cab." The walk here had tired him out, and he didn't want to walk back. He now had a cane to walk with, which made him feel like an old man, so he probably wouldn't be using it much.

"W-Would you like some help?" Matthew asked shyly as they both stood up. He felt weird not being able to help Alfred as much anymore but it was all for the best. Now he wouldn't go stir crazy from not being able to do things.

Leaning on the cane, Alfred shook his head. "I should be fine. It's way easier to walk now." But he hadn't thought ahead and brought a shoe that he could wear, dammit!

"Ok, I understand. If you change your mind I do not mind helping." Matthew added, watching as Alfred stood up awkwardly. It was nice to know he could walk and such now.

Nodding, Alfred started heading to the door. He reached into his pocket and took out his wallet, handing it to Matthew. "Can you pay the driver? And get one." Because he had a stupid looking cane. But it definitely was better than the crutches.

Matthew flagged down a cab before pushing the wallet back. "I will pay. It's for me as much as it is for you." He didn't want Alfred to feel like he had to pay for everything even if he wanted to.

"But I'm the reason we came out here in the first place." Alfred did take the wallet back, though he had no intension of letting Matthew pay for it. He might be gibbled, but he could still fight for the bill. He got in the back seat, waiting for Matt to follow him and close the door.

When the car pulled away for the short drive, Matthew listened to Alfred giving directions. Shyly, he held the American's hand and smiled. "When can we go to the beach?"

"Maybe next weekend." He should be able to be without the wrap then, at least for a few hours. Though his doctor probably wouldn't like it, and neither would David. He had already told him about the accident over the phone, and he had laughed at the irony. A bullet wound and shrapnel, and the thing that had him down the longest was a broken leg.

"That sounds nice." Mathew said, looking down to their joined hands. It was a nice feeling in his heart to know that after half a year he was getting that much closer to putting his terrible time in Germany behind him.

Smiling, Alfred took his wallet out when they got to their house. Matthew opened his mouth to protest, but the American just shook his head. "I'm faster than you!" He laughed, pushing the money into the man's hand.

Shaking his head, Matthew murmured to himself in French as they got out. "Don't think I will forget. I will buy something for both of us." And he was telling the truth. Maybe he would buy them some food. Speaking of buying, he was going to have to find a bathing suit for when they went to the beach.

"But I don't want anything. I have you, and Mimi. What else could possibly make my life any better?" Alfred asked, hobbling up the steps and getting his keys. How long had it been since he had given Matthew one? It had made him so happy, like it was the last step for Matthew to become a part of his life.

Smiling widely despite himself, Matthew followed inside after Alfred. "Having someone that is not haunted by an unfair past." Not that he didn't wish to stay with Alfred forever, he just knew how much the time in the camp affected their relationship.

Grin faltering, Alfred leaned his cane by the wall. He didn't really need it for short distances. "Matt, I could never ask for someone else. You are perfect, and I love you, unfair past and all." Not that he loved the unfair past, but he loved Matthew with his unfair past. "And besides, how else would we have met?"

Unable to think about what he was doing, the smaller man went up and hugged Alfred. "I know... I love you Alfred." There could have been better ways for them to meet, but at least they had the chance. It would have never happened if it weren't for the war. With all the lives it stole, it helped them create a relationship.

Tilting his head so it was resting on Matthew's shoulder, Alfred gave a smile and patted him lightly on the back. He still was unsure about fully hugging him, thinking that the curly haired blond would feel trapped, but this always seemed to be fine.

Holding him closer, Matthew buried his face in the others shoulder. "Alfred..." He whispered, ignoring the glasses pushing into his face. All Matt wanted was to be close and not have to fear things that would never happen.

"Yeah?" Alfred asked, still smiling. It was times like these that he really loved being with Matthew.

"Thank you for loving me." He murmured into his skin, wanting him to understand just how much he cared for him. The only other person he felt this close to was his brother, and he wasn't sure if he was alive anymore. Matthew liked to believe he was, but there was a very small chance of it being true.

Sighing, the American pulled back slightly so he could look into Matthew's eyes. "That's not something you should say. Remember, you don't have to be polite. Just be yourself." Well, being himself pretty much meant being polite, but Alfred hoped he could make him more selfish.

"But I am happy Alfred. If you didn't love me... You could have done a lot to me without my consent." Matthew knew he needed to say that, after it had been bothering him for a while. It was the truth, but he still didn't want it to ever be the truth.

"Matt, I would never do anything like that to you. You know that, don't you?" He would never do anything like that, he couldn't. Well, unless he was really, really drunk and had no control over what he was doing. But even then, Alfred really doubted he would do anything... past kissing.

Nodding, Matthew looked to the floor. "I know, because you love me. I trust you Alfred. I always will." And it was the truth. He wanted them to be together for a long time, if not their lives.

If he truly trusted him, then why did he still flinch occasionally? But the American let it go, knowing what Matthew had been through. "Good. And I will always love you." Alfred said, a smile on his face. "Well, should we eat something? I can help cook as long as it's something I can't mess up."

Matthew smiled. "Yes, you can help me if you wish. Maybe one day you will be as good as I am at cooking." But then he would be somewhat useless. Luckily he knew that Alfred loved him and wouldn't stop just because he could take care of himself again. "What would you like to eat tonight? And desert?"

"Pasta maybe? You always make good sauce." Alfred hopped over to the kitchen, going to lean against the counter. He really doubted he could ever be able to cook well, given his history with it.

"What about dessert? I haven't made mousse for a while, is that ok? It's mixing regions, but it will be alright if you want it." Matthew was ok with making anything his American lover wanted. Well, lover because they kissed and he let him touch him so long ago.

Laughing, Alfred gave a nod. Really, whatever he wanted to make was fine, but oh well. As long as they were together, anything was fine with him. He leaned forward, smiling. "I'm going to kiss you, alright?" He waited for the smile before lightly pressing their lips together in a quick kiss.

When they pulled apart, Matthew didn't even think before leaning forward to kiss Alfred again. This time it was more heated, with the small blond opening his mouth a tiny amount to allow for the American's tongue to enter. He had gotten much better with this, since it was more kind and soothing than the tongue-fucking his would get when his rapists would kiss him occasionally.

Giving a happy sigh, Alfred lifted a hand, lightly brushing Matthew's arms. Not his back to hold him closer, and not the back of his head to deepen the kiss. After all, that would seem like he was trapping him, and he couldn't let that happen.

Glad that he wasn't being boxed in despite his trust, Matthew continued to taste Alfred's mouth. There was something about it that was insanely addicting for him, even with his past it was comforting to embrace Alfred like this.

After a few minutes, Alfred pulled away with a smile. "I love you." He just couldn't say it enough, wanting Matthew to fully understand that he was deeply loved by someone, that he deserved that love. He ruffled his long hair slightly, still smiling. "I love you so much."

"I love you too Alfred. I should start making dinner though." Pulling away reluctantly, Matthew went to the kitchen and washed his hands. "Would you like to make the sauce with me?"

Smiling, Alfred went over beside him. "Just tell me what to do."


	19. Chapter 19

Tugging at his shirt nervously, Matthew looked over the expanse of the Atlantic ocean. "France is over there, yes?" He asked, wondering just what his homeland looked like now. They were at the beach to have fun, but all he could do was think about the past.

"Yup, but don't try swimming there." Alfred said, laughing as he threw a towel over his shoulder. He had taken the wrappings off his leg, so that he wouldn't get them wet. It was nice going to the beach after so long.

"I won't. I like it over here more." Matthew mumbled, trying to keep from staring at Alfred's bare skin. There was the one scar on his chest that he saw so long ago, as well as the one on his leg from breaking it, not to mention a long, pale one running down his arm.

Laughing, the American put his towel down and started walking towards the sparkling water. "You coming?" Surprisingly there weren't many people there, but that was fine with him. Even if they were the only ones on the beach it would still be great.

Nodding, Matthew followed after him. "C-Can I keep my shirt on still?" He asked shyly, holding onto the hem with both hands and a small blush on his face. It was still strange for him to be 'naked' in front of Alfred, never mind a bunch of strangers.

"Of course. It will dry." He had already been assuming Matthew was going to keep it on. After all, this was public, and he hadn't seen him in anything less than a bathrobe yet. Well, that, and his cock, but nothing else.

Smiling lightly, it didn't take long for Matthew to go up to the water and put his feet in. "It's a little bit cold." He said, feeling he sand between his toes. It was still amazing to think that his homeland was just across the ocean in the direction of the rising sun.

Running in, Alfred splashed a little boy, laughing. They had a small water fight, the older of the two winning of course. "Come on, Mattie, the water's great!" He wrestled with the kid a bit, putting on a surprised face as he let the brunette push him into the water. "You're good little guy!" He said when he came back up, ruffling his hair.

Matthew slowly walked into the water. He didn't want to freeze, so he made sure his body would get used to the temperature before swimming around a bit. It had been a long time since he went swimming, so he wasn't very good at it. "I can't go out very far." He said to Alfred who was diving below to go deeper.

Coming out of the water, Alfred shook some out of his ear. "Sorry, didn't catch that." He smiled, going up to him. "Are you alright with this? You don't have to swim if you don't want to."

"I'm not very good at swimming, but I still want to spend time with you." He answered, staying at the point where he could keep his feet on the bottom and still breathe. With the shirt weighing him down, it wouldn't be good to put himself in a predicament.

Laughing, Alfred put his hand on his boyfriend's shoulder. "We can spend time together at home. Oh hey! I brought a beach ball that we can play with if you want!" That would be so fun! He loved water ball.

Leaving to get the ball, Alfred came back while blowing it up. Once it was full, he tossed it in Matthew's direction.

Catching it more from reflex, Matthew smiled before throwing it back. "Do you have a game in mind?"

"I was just thinking catch." He said, shrugging as he tossed the ball again. Really, anything they did would be fine with him, even if they just sat on the shore and suntanned.

Matthew threw back the ball. "That sounds very good." He was a bit too scared to actually swim around but this would be fine. It was spending more time with Alfred so he liked it.

Falling backwards in the water, Alfred almost caught the ball. Coming back up, he grabbed it, still laughing. "Nice arm! You should play football!" He had always enjoyed the sport in high school, always among the best players. He had played it mostly for fun.

"If I wasn't able to get hurt, it would be nice." Any sport would be nice to get himself stronger. Plus it would help him get used to being around strangers.

"Think Mimi is missing us yet?" When he was growing up, they had had a few cats, but they were always older. When they were older, as long as they had a place to stay and food -be it given or caught- they were happy. But Mimi really seemed to be different, perhaps because she was so young still.

Holding onto the ball for an extra second, Matthew shrugged. "Maybe she likes being home alone. Like an only child."

"I'm an only child." Alfred said, smiling as he threw the ball back. This was so great, doing all this with him.

"Maybe that is why you were lonely too." Matthew murmured with a small smile.

.oOo.

It was getting late as they sat in front of the Television. This had gotten to be what they usually did after eating supper, and it seemed to work for both of them. The only things that were on, however, was the news and a love story, so they were stuck watching the love story.

Alfred looked over to Matthew, smiling as he lightly placed his hand on the wavy haired blond's knee. "I think our story is better than this one."

Smiling back, he leaned closer to Alfred so his head was on his shoulder. Little things like this were commonplace for him now to show his affection. "A young, handsome American soldier in Europe saving a weak, in-need Parisian? Maybe, but I want to keep it for ourselves."

Laughing a little, Alfred laid his head on the back of the couch. "Yeah, it's all ours." He kissed the top of Matthew's head lovingly.

Matthew curled his legs underneath him as he snuggled closer to Alfred. Looking up at him, he lightly kissed his jaw, silently asking for him to tilt his head down. It felt amazing to be this close to him and not have to think about having an escape route. He cared about Alfred so much and he did as well in return.

Feeling the light kisses, Alfred smiled and tilted his head down so that they could kiss properly. He mewled quietly as they met, the Television completely forgotten. This was all he was at the moment, all they both were.

Shifting to be more comfortable, Matthew placed his hand lightly onto Alfred's chest. It wasn't long before their mouths were open and their tongues were flicking around. As his palate was stroked, Matthew let out a small moan in delight.

Turning more towards him, Alfred continued kissing, not being invasive but wanting to make Matthew feel good. They had been kissing like this more and more frequently, which made the American incredibly happy.

Their kiss was broken with a small sound. "Alfred..." He mumbled, unconsciously looking at his moistened lips. It was addicting to be this close, and they hadn't done more than the hand job a long time ago since then.

"Yeah?" Alfred asked, a happy smile plastered on his face. It annoyed him slightly that even after all the times they had kissed, he still couldn't help looking like an idiotic fool. But Matthew didn't seem to mind, so he didn't do anything to change it.

"I..." He cut off, blinking a few times to get them focused. "I'm going to go to bed. I will see you there." He added, unconsciously licking the shininess off his lips.

A little confused, Alfred nodded. Usually after they kissed, they would cuddle for a while, so why was Matthew running away? Oh well, he thought as he stood up as well. His leg was pretty much fully healed, though he still had a limp.

It didn't take long for Matthew to get ready for bed. Slipping on one of Alfred's old shirts, he kept his boxers on before slipping under the covers of their bed. His heart was racing, but he wanted this. Hopefully Alfred would be willing by now.

Going into the bedroom, Alfred tilted his head. He quickly got undressed, facing away from him, and got his pyjamas out. "Why are you so tired? Did you wake up early?" Even though he worked every day, Matthew always seemed to get up before him.

Taking off his glasses to put them on the side table, Matthew shifter closer. "I'm not tired." The blond said simply, placing his forehead on his shoulder.

Giving a soft smile, Alfred kissed his forehead. "Then why did you want to go to bed? Do you want to read or something?" He hardly had to help him now, he was learning on his own. Matthew read now more than his boyfriend.

Breathing in Alfred's scent, he got even closer. "I want to have sex with you Alfred." Matthew knew from last time that it was easier to say it outright than to have Alfred guess what he meant and he have to say it again.

Eyes going wide, Alfred looked at him. "What? But you're not ready!" He brushed Matthew's arm, smiling. "You know I'm not expecting it. I'm happy with what we have now." Sure, he had been in America for over half a year now, but surely that wasn't long enough for him to be able to do _that_.

"I haven't been thinking about it, but it feels right. I promise I'm not forcing myself this time." Matthew begged, nuzzling his neck. "I love you Alfred, and I want to consummate our relationship. It wasn't fair that I was the only one to feel pleasure the last time."

His resolve quickly dissolving, Alfred tilted his head so it was resting on Matthew's. "Alright... but it will be like last time. Any discomfort or fear and we stop." Crap, they would have to use hand lotion as lubricant, because he was _not_ doing this without it. "Um..." He coughed, awkward. "What, ah, role will I be playing?" He wanted to leave the decision up to him.

"What role?" Mathew asked, a bit confused by the question. It quickly dawned on him as Alfred coughed awkwardly and a bright blush erupted on the smaller one's face. "I-I have never been the man, and I don't think I could be..."

Nodding, Alfred thought. So, Matthew would have to be the bottom, obviously. The same role he had played with them. This would make things a little more difficult, because he didn't want to bring up things from back then. But it would have to do.

Taking the initiative, Matthew brought their lips together. It was a softer, sweeter kiss but it held undertones of what was happening. "I'm sorry if I'm not good." Too many times did he hear that he was unskilled in the bedroom that it became a reality for him.

Shaking his head, Alfred rubbed his shoulder. "There is no way that could happen." Just being that close to Matthew would be great. It might even make the American cum, just by doing those things, never mind having sex with him. God, they were going to have sex. For real.

Smiling, the strawberry blond took of his lovers glasses as well before putting his forehead against the other one. "This is as much for me as for you." He admitted, wanting him to know how he felt. Had Alfred ever had intercourse with another man before?

"Promise?" Truth be told, if not for the doc telling him Matthew had been raped, Alfred would have never even thought how gays had sex, never mind know how they would do it. But he had figured it out after a while.

Grabbing Alfred's hand, Matthew held on tight. "I promise. Please Alfred, I really care about you. This will be different then what the men did." It was difficult to say just what they did, but it still happened. Though if his lover wanted to know he would tell him everything; even if he didn't have English words to put to it.

Smiling, Alfred nodded. He leaned forward, kissing Matthew lightly. "So... I have never had sex with a man before... I'm not too sure what to do." Sure he knew the basic things, but had no idea about the other things.

Wincing slightly at the thought, Matthew hesitantly explained. "D-Do you know the premise at least?"

Nodding, Alfred explained. "Yeah, basically. Like we use, uh, well I basically know it." Just like with a girl, but a different hole. But did they have to do it in a specific way? He really wasn't too sure.

Matthew couldn't stand the tension so he leaned to kiss him again. "It will be fine; I'll make sure you feel good." Because after all, the pleasure in sex between two men was mostly for the penetrator.

Looking at him, Alfred frowned. "But what about you? Will you feel good?" He didn't want to do this if it wasn't pleasurable for the both of them. What was the point if it wasn't?

Nuzzling against him, Matthew didn't want to say what he was thinking. He didn't want to say how he wouldn't feel pleasure, since he never had before. All the smaller blond wanted to do was make Alfred feel good and show that he loved him.

Pulling away, Alfred looked at him. "Matt! Why would you want to do this if you don't feel good?" Sure he wanted to get better, but they couldn't do this unless they were both feeling as good as possible.

"I-I'll t-touch myself. Please Al, I want to do this." Without waiting for Alfred, Matthew pulled back and nibbled his lip before taking off his shirt. It was a bit nerve wracking, but he didn't want to be intimate with his lover without showing his body.

"But you don't feel good from the actual sex?" Immediately his eyes went to Matthew's body, amazed at the smooth skin. Well, smooth except for a line on his shoulder. Lifting up his hand, he traced it, going to his back. "What happened?" It was obviously a scar, but from what?

Matthew shivered as the scar was caressed lightly. "That was the... Fourth one. I tried t-to run." But Alfred wasn't talking about him having no pleasure so it was better.

Eyes widening, Alfred got up on his knees so he could go around to Matthew's back. As soon as he saw, he gave a loud gasp, looking at all the marks there. "Oh my god! How-" He couldn't think of anything to say, seeing how many scars he had. They were mostly obvious whip marks, except for a cluster down near the bottom. Lightly Alfred put his hand over it, unable to even imagine the pain. "What happened here?"

Matthew didn't want to explain all his scars right now, but it was helping him to calm down and not think about what they were going to do. "One o-of the men put h-his initials and another d-didn't like it."

Alfred looked to the side, almost physically sick at what human beings could do. Slowly he leaned down, kissing one of the scars. "I l-love every part of you, so I love these too." It was hard for him to speak, because he had tears coming to his eyes at what his boyfriend had to endure.

Nodding, Mathew could feel his own throat start to close up with unspent tears as Alfred ran his fingers over his massacred back. "I'm sorry they're so ugly..." Because they really were. His back had been turned into a map of scars, both smooth and knotted as well as white and pink.

"No, no, they're a part of you. You could never be ugly." Alfred got up again, going to in front of Matthew, and he gave a smile. "Now, if you want to see some ugly scars, check this out." He gave a strained laugh as he pulled off his own shirt, pointing to his chest. "Yeah, how about that one?"

"What happened?" He asked, his brow furrowing as he leaned forward. Reaching out, Matthew lightly touched the bumpy scar. It was almost as if it were from a rock or other small piece.

Laughing a little bit, Alfred sat down on the bed. "Well, doc saw a body in the battlefield, that he was sure was moving. So he ran out there, even though we all tried to tell him not to. As soon as the enemy saw movement, they started shooting, of course. Now, there is a reason he is a doctor and not a soldier. David doesn't do well with gun fire. He could hardly move he was so scared, so I went and grabbed him. We almost made it back, when a bullet got me. He saved my life, taking the bullet out and treating the wound." He always said he owed Alfred, but they had both saved each other's lives, so according to him they were even.

Nodding, Matthew continued to lightly trace the scar. "You are ok now though, right?" Before he received an answer, his attention was shifted to Alfred's arm. "What about this one?" He had many less than his own, but they had better stories.

"That one was just some shrapnel. I was mostly hidden behind a wall, but it wasn't quite big enough." Also worked on by David. "That one was before the bullet wound." Luckily, he had gotten out of the war with minimal damage. Many others hadn't been as lucky.

"I'm sorry..." He whispered, suddenly embarrassed that Alfred had to see all the scars on his back. Matthew wanted to explain them one day, but it was still a very touchy subject to breach.

Tilting his head, Alfred brought his hand, lifting Matthew's chin up. "You don't have to be sorry about anything. I love you, and that's all that matters. Well, and the fact that you love me." He gave a small laugh, still trying to lighten the mood.

Matthew kissed him lightly. "I do Alfred. Will you still... Is it 'make love'?" He asked, not sure if he had the terminology right or not. It sounded appropriate, since he wanted to show his love.

"'You do', hey?" Alfred laughed at the joke. He saw the confused look Matthew was giving him, and realized they would say something different in France, obviously. "That's something people say when they get married." He explained. "But yeah, we can 'make love'." That saying had never before seemed more appropriate.

Matthew gave a small, soft smile. "I am glad. So..." He trailed off, kissing Alfred instead of making more of a fool of himself.

Kissing back, Alfred thought about the next step. Obviously, he couldn't just do it like with girls. After all... _there_ would be much smaller right? What if he hurt Matthew? That wouldn't be good. Well, maybe they could start with small things, like fingers. Yeah, that should work.

The kiss went on till Matthew pulled back to place his hand on Alfred's bare chest. "I have never done this before like this." He admitted, nervous that he would be hurt and abused. Maybe Alfred would want his own scar on Matthew's body for the other ones to pale beside... No, they cared about each other.

"But do you still want to do it?"

Lightly holding his arms, Matthew pulled him back so they were lying next to each other. "I do. I very much want this." It was taking longer than he hoped, but they were going to have sex.

After a second, Alfred nodded. "Alright. Um, we can use hand lotion..." He leaned over to the desk by his side of the bed, opening the drawer. "Cause this will make it easier, right?" Obviously, men didn't get wet... down there...

"I would think so... Th-They never used anything..." Another piece of his painful past. Still, he kissed Alfred's chest above his heart. "I want this, with you. I don't want to remember the past."

Smiling, Alfred laid down again. "Alright. If you want this, then I want it too." Now, just to get to the next part. He went closer, hands going to Matthew's fly. "Can I do it?" For this, his pants would have to basically be all the way off.

Matthew placed his own hand over it and guided it to open his pants. It would be more revealing and Alfred would see more of his long healed scars. "Please do it."

Undoing them without looking away from Matthew's face, Alfred went forward and kissed him. When he got his pants undone, the American went back, his dog tags running over his boyfriend's chest.

Shivering from having Alfred above him as well as the metal running against his sensitive chest, Matthew asked. "W-Why do you still wear your tags?"

Looking down at them, Alfred shrugged. "Habit, I guess." He had grown so used to the metal on his skin, he just felt naked without them. And, if he was in a fire and was unrecognizable, they would show who he was. That thought was still ingrained in his mind from the countless people they needed the tags to identify. He started pulling Matthew's pants down, leaving the underwear for now.

Shaking for a second, Matthew got it under control before Alfred could stop. "They make me sad... B-but they suit you." Since they were a marker of war, it made him think about Alfred dying, yet also of him saving his life. Now he could see the scars over his legs as well as his back

"How do they suit me?" Alfred asked, amazed at the almost hairless legs. Wasn't he French? He saw small scars along them as well, but not as bad as his back. Horribly, they mostly seemed to be on his inner thighs.

Blushing under Alfred's eyes, the small blond explained. "Well, y-you're my war hero, so they m-match. But it makes me think of death." Alfred would always be his hero, even if the other man didn't like to admit to it. Without him, his life would be meaningless after all the torture and rape.

Laughing, Alfred shook his head. No matter how many times it was said, he was no hero, war or otherwise. But he let it go, pulling off the second-hand pants the rest of the way. "Well, are you really sure about this?" If they continued, and Matthew wasn't ready, it wouldn't be good.

A small spark flared in his groin. "I'm sure. Please let me show my love for you." Sure they kissed, but Matt knew this is what Alfred really wanted. It was what all the men wanted to have, which is why they tried to mark his body as his own.

"...Alright. Well, I guess I should... stretch you, right?" He grabbed the lotion, opening the cap. "And, if it hurts, we're stopping."

"You..." Matthew stopped there, blushing at what he was going to say. "You can... If you want..."

"I can? Alright, I think that would be best. I'll start with one finger, I guess." He squeezed some lotion onto his fingers, using probably more than was needed. It was better to have too much than not enough. Crawling on top of him again, he hesitated, instead going for Matthew's mouth for a kiss.

Matthew started to shiver underneath Alfred. Sure he had already been on top of him once, but now he was getting ready to penetrate him. He was sure in his mind that he would be ok... But his body still felt differently about being taken advantage of.

Trying to ignore that Matthew seemed to be shaking, Alfred slowly pulled down his underwear. After all, they had both said they want this, right?

Now that he was completely exposed for his American lover, Matthew felt more embarrassed. How did he think he could do this? Alfred was on top of him, staring down at his quickly shut eyes. Even if he wanted to go slow, he wouldn't be able to control himself, and Matthew would end up bleeding with marks on his hips and thighs from being fucked violently once again.

Breathing heavily, his mind tried to calm down but couldn't. With his underwear around his thighs, Matthew choked. "_P-PLEASE_!" He whispered in French, his voice cracking.

Pulling back sharply, Alfred wasn't sure what he said, but the look in his eyes said everything. "Matt?"

Thinking for a second, Matthew could remember that this was different. This wasn't just a soldier taking his pleasure, he could run if he wanted to. He still had time as well if it felt uncomfortable which it definitely was. Even if he felt terrible for getting both of their hopes up, Matthew all but pushed Alfred off him and got up; running from the room with tears on his cheeks.

"Matt!" But Alfred didn't get up and chase after him. If Matthew wanted to get away from him, then he had that right. "Dammit..." He said, head falling back on the bed when he heard a door slam. He knew it was too soon.

Collapsing onto his old bed, Matthew curled into a ball and sobbed. He was still naked, but he couldn't be bothered by it now. Alfred was going to hate him for thinking he was ready when he obviously wasn't. Now he saw his scars too, and wouldn't want to touch him because of how spoilt and dirty his body was. Alfred couldn't love him now.

Taking deep breaths, Alfred considered what had just happened. Of course, this was no ones fault. They could still be together, right? This didn't mean the end of them, it just couldn't. They had already come too far to just be ruined by a few bad moves.


	20. Chapter 20

The next morning, Matthew woke up naked on his bed as he had fallen asleep crying. Alfred hadn't come in, which made him sad but glad at the same time. That meant he wouldn't have to see his naked, scarred body again. Not that he would even want to see him after Matthew ran away from him. Maybe he should start looking for somewhere else to live... It hurt his heart to think that Alfred didn't love him any more, but it only made sense.

Putting a shirt on, the American left his room and saw that the door to Matthew's room was closed firmly. Well, at least he hadn't left the house again. Knocking on it lightly, Alfred put his forehead against it. "Matt? Are you awake?"

Curling up tighter, Matthew didn't say anything. He didn't want Alfred to see him. All he wanted was to stay alone and not have to have Alfred worry about him.

Waiting for a second, Alfred let out a breath when he didn't hear anything. Putting his hand on the door as well, he whispered "I still love you. I hope you feel the same." Then he left, going to the kitchen to have something.

His heart felt like it split in two when he heard Alfred walk away. Matthew didn't hear his comment, but he still got up to put on some of the clothes he bought for himself. Eventually he was going to have to face Alfred again, sooner was better than later.

Getting out some oatmeal, Alfred started to boil some water. Matthew obviously needed some time alone, but hopefully everything would turn out alright.

Opening his door quietly, Matthew looked around with red eyes before stepping out. He was incredibly nervous to face Alfred again, but he knew he needed to tell him his feelings before he moved away. Even if he didn't feel the same way. "A-Alfred?" He murmured, looking around the corner to the kitchen

Turning around, Alfred smiled. "Matt, you're awake. Thank god, look, we should talk about what happened." If it just went undiscussed, it would tear them apart, surely.

Cringing, Matthew replied quietly. "I'm g-going to look for another place t-to live." He couldn't look up at Alfred; not after everything that he screwed up.

"What?" He wanted to leave? "Why? Matt, I love you, and I know you love me too. Please, don't leave just because of that!" Of course, if he really did want to leave, Alfred couldn't stop him.

"Y-You still l-l-love me?" Matthew asked in awe, looking up to Alfred with moist, blue eyes. "H-How can you?" It didn't make sense after he knew and saw everything. Not to mention the fact that he forced Alfred to have sex with him and he wasn't even able to.

Going closer to him, Alfred lifted his hand but thought better of it so he lowered it. "Of course I still love you. Look, if I don't touch you anymore, will you stay?" It would be difficult to go back to before, but if Matthew left, it would be much too painful.

"I-I will stay." Matthew choked out, silently upset that Alfred wouldn't want to touch him. Though it all made sense now that he had seen just what the men did to him. "Pl-Please don't h-hate me..."

Taking a step back, Alfred shook his head. "I could never hate you, you know that. Maybe eventually, you can let me touch you again." Although, after last night, Matthew may be so traumatized that he couldn't.

Nodding, Matthew held back his tears, wiping away the ones that became free on his cheeks. "I d-don't want t-to leave you, b-but I'm too dir-dirty..." Alfred wouldn't want to touch him with his scars. Even though he said he loved them, it was a lie.

"Of course you're not dirty! The only ones that are dirty are the men that did this to you." How could Matthew possibly be dirty? He was the only one on this earth that wasn't dirty.

"But th-they used me! I was... I was _a virgin_!" He exclaimed in French. "I'm sorry Alfred... I'm sorry I ruined our relationship... I still love you."

Looking away, Alfred almost shook with anger at the bastards that had done this to him. "Matthew, it wasn't your fault what they did to you, and it wasn't your fault about what happened last night. If you want it to be, then our relationship is still intact."

Nodding, Mathew settled his resolve. "I want to show you. I want to tell you e-everything."

Not sure what to say, Alfred tilted his head. "What do you mean?"

"I want to show you my scars. To tell you their stories. If you want me to."

Lifting his eyebrow, Alfred moved his head forward a little. "If you're alright with that. If you will be alright." He wanted to know, so he could help Matthew get better, but if it hurt him too much then he would rather not.

"Do you want t-to do it now?" Matthew asked, looking back to his hands which were holding onto the hem of his shirt. "I don't want to fight."

Smiling, Alfred nodded. "Yeah, alright. I don't want us to fight either."

Looking away, Matthew slowly lifted up his shirt. This time he knew that they weren't going to do anything, but it was still awkward. "Which o-one first?"

Biting his lip, Alfred went forward. He lifted up his hand, about to touch one of the scars, but remembered his promise. "Um, how about the one that almost goes around to your stomach?" He was slightly afraid of the answer, knowing it would have been painful.

"I... I don't mind if y-you touch me." Matthew murmured, wanting to put last night behind them. He still felt terrible, but they both loved each other still. "It was from a whip."

Breathing hard, Alfred nodded. He took one finger, tracing a shorter scar along the bottom of his spine. "And... and this one?" It was like a gruesome map of the cruelties of this world, and Matthew's life. It was just so horrible. He had seen people kill each other, forced to kill people they knew, but this was simply for pleasure. Sick, twisted pleasure.

"H-he used his knife to g-get me to bend over." It hurt to tell all these stories, it really did. Matthew knew that he needed to though so that their relationship would grow instead of dying out because he was scared of his past. Maybe it would even help him grow mentally.

Letting out a small sob, Alfred could once again feel tears well up in his eyes. Who could possibly do that? He touched a few more, their stories fairly similar. It was all just so horrible. Then he touched a smaller one, up by his neck. "This?"

This one made Matthew choke up. Testing his voice first, he whispered with a cracking voice. "Th-They put a c-collar on me w-with a blade so I c-couldn't run away... When..." Tears slipped down his cheeks. "When they gassed my parents."

Eyes going wide, Alfred surged forward, his arms going around Matthew's torso. "Alright, that's en-enough, Matt. I understand now, so you can forget everything from back then." He was also freely crying by now, each tear for his boyfriend. Turning him around, Alfred looked in his face. "You on-only need to remember me now."

Melting into Alfred's embrace, Matthew started to sob openly. "I-I love you... So much..." There was no one else he wanted to share his painful life with. "One d-day I want to t-tell you more g-good things instead of b-bad."

"Yeah, I can't wait." The American smiled, even with stray tears going into his mouth. Well, didn't they just look great? Hugging in the middle of the kitchen, crying like little girls. But it didn't matter, because they had each other.

Nodding, the smaller blond held his lover closer as he tried to hold back his tears. It was hard though as he continued to think of all the things the men did. He didn't care what he was doing anymore, all he cared about was his relationship with Alfred.

It was nice, holding Matthew in his arms like this. He usually never got the chance, not wanting to box him in, but he really didn't seem to mind today. "Um... should we move to the couch or something?" It was a weekend, so he didn't have to worry about going to work.

Pulling himself closer, Matthew nodded against Alfred's chest. Being half naked made him nervous, but it was easy to get over it now. All he knew was that it was going to be a much longer time before trying to be intimate.

Not wanting to have to pull away, they started awkwardly moving to the couch so they could sit down, instead of just standing in the kitchen. "Matt, so can we forget about last night? We can just pretend like it never happened." Then they could go back to what they were before.

Matthew just nodded as they settled into their hold on the couch. "I would l-like that." He wouldn't forget it, but he would put it behind them in their relationship. One day he would be ready to become that intimate, but not now.


	21. Chapter 21

Pulling Matthew after him, Alfred went past the fence and right up to the door. "Don't worry, they will love you." He pushed the door open, glad that they still never kept it locked. After all, they lived on a farm, who would bother rob them?

"But what if they don't? I don't want your parents to not like me!" Matthew was insanely nervous to meet the parents of his boyfriend. Not only had he just seen pictures of them, but he wasn't sure how he would react to them.

Shaking his head, Alfred put down his bags. "I love you, so they have to love you." Then he called out to the rest of the house, "Mom, dad! We're here!"

Suddenly there was noise from upstairs that quickly made it's way down to them. Soon, Alfred saw his mom running down the stairs. "My Alfy is home!" She said before taking him into a large hug. "You weren't supposed to be here for another hour!"

"The plane arrived early. Where's dad?" He hugged her back, the last time having seen her being so long ago.

"Out with Bessy." She looked behind Alfred and smiled. "So this must be Matthew!" She left her son, going to see the other boy. "Oh, poor thing, you look famished! My son not been feeding you enough? Come, I have some soup."

"I-I'm fine!" Matthew tried to tell her as she ran off to the kitchen. "I'm not... hungry..." Looking over to Alfred, his eyes were wide. "Your mother is very nice and caring." Maybe his father would be very similar too.

Laughing, the American nodded. "Yup. Not sure what she sees in the old man." Of course he was just joking, as always. His dad was awkward and everything, but his heart was in the right place. "I'm gonna get him." Why he had moved to a farm, Alfred will never know. His father usually had horrible luck with nature. Sure enough, he saw him arguing with their cow, Bessy. "Dad!"

"Alfred?" He yelled out, coming from the barn that was close by. Wiping the sweat off his forehead, he allowed himself to smile a bit. "I thought we weren't expecting you for a while? Is Matthew with you?"

Said person was trying to give back the soup, waving his arms around. "It's ok Mrs. Jones! I don't need any! I ate when we were home!"

"But look at you! Practically skin and bones. But tell me, Matthew, how has my son taken care of you? We were surprised when we heard he was taking someone with him from the war, but he seems so happy." Rose asked, still pouring soup into a bowl. "And would you like crackers?"

Walking in the door, Alfred gave a laugh. "Mom, he's been here five minutes. Think you can hold off the food for a while?" He turned to his father, beaming. "This is Matt. Matt, this is my dad."

Seeing Alfred's father for the first time, Matthews eyes went wide before looking to the ground and bowing slightly. "It's very nice to meet you, Mr. Jones." He held out his hand even though it was shaking a bit. This was very nerve racking for him.

"Hello Matthew. It's nice to meet you as well." He shook the poor lad's hand firmly before mentioning. "You can call me Arthur; I'm not that old."

Laughing, Alfred watched them. It was pretty funny, really. He stood beside his mom, so he turned to her. "Hey, can we talk in the kitchen? Let them get acquainted." He had figured it would be easier to tell her first. She would be the most likely to believe him.

Nodding, Rose followed her son with the bowl of soup back to the kitchen. "What do you want to talk about honey?" He seemed to be a little nervous yet happy at the same time.

Smiling, Alfred moved her to sit down at the kitchen table. "Ok, I have to tell you something very important. Promise not to get angry or anything." Obviously she would be shocked, but he was hoping she would accept it.

Alfred's comment piqued her interest. "I promise Alfred. You're my son, how could I be angry with you?" Maybe he had finally found a nice girl for himself and was setting Matthew up with a house of his own and needed a bit of money to help.

Looking to the door of the kitchen, Alfred smiled, wondering how they were getting along. "Matthew, he, uh well, he's my boyfriend." He let that sink in for a moment.

"As in... A male friend?" She asked, completely blindsided by his comment. How did her son become gay? Not that she wouldn't care about both of them... But it was so strange...

Giving a sigh, Alfred shook his head. "No, as in lovers." Not that they had officially made love yet, but they both loved each other so they were lovers. He reached out, holding his mom's hand. "Please, try to understand."

Squeezing his hand, Rose asked again. "I still love you... But did I do something wrong? Did I do something to make you end up being... that way?" It was unnatural and a sin, but she couldn't stop caring about her own son just for his preference for the same sex.

"No, mom you were great. Trust me, I was straight until I met Matt. He's just... God I don't even know. He's just so perfect, I couldn't help it." He smiled, this going better than he thought it would have. "Don't blame yourself. All I ask is to make him part of the family, because he doesn't have any."

Pulling Alfred into a hug, Rose said. "Don't worry yourself about that honey, I couldn't reject him from our family. From now on, he's one of us." All she knew about Matthew was that they met during the war. She didn't know where he came from, or if he was another fellow solider, but she definitely wanted to know more about him now. It seemed like she would be getting another 'son'. "Where is he from?"

"France. But he was in a concentration camp in Germany. Thanks, mom, you're the best." Only his mother was awesome enough to accept Matthew so easily after finding out they were gay together. "Um... if you could tell dad maybe...?"

Letting him go to hold his hands, Rose nodded slowly. "I will do my best. All I ask is that... You keep your showings of affection to a minimum. I will care for Matthew like a son, but I still don't feel very good about this. Not to mention your father would blow a gasket if he saw you two doing something." She couldn't help but feel sympathy for the man her son was in love with since he had to live in a camp, but it would just make it worse on him if she treated him differently with that knowledge.

Laughing, Alfred shook his head. "Of course we will. Even if I tried, I doubt Matthew would let me, anyways." It was alright when they were home, but anywhere else wasn't good. He stood up and went to smell the soup. "But this smells great! What kind?"

"Potato bacon. I figured you haven't been home for a while, so I would make one of your favourites from when you were little. I'll dish some up for you and Matthew if you go save him from your father. He's so overbearing I'm amazed he hasn't run in here for you yet."

"Yeah, with his French accent, dad is probably lecturing him on English." Even if he already spoke perfect English. Going to the door, Alfred went back into the front hall. "So? You two getting along?" He asked, going up to them and smiling.

Clearing his throat, Arthur gave a nod. "Yes, he is a perfectly respectable young man. Even if he is French." He mumbled when he was done, his years of hating the country not going away.

Matthew nodded quickly since he was still nervous. "Your father is very nice as well." A bit scary and intimidating, but nice. "I-I was just saying how in France my family had a farm as well. It reminds me of home here."

"That's good. Here, I'll show you the dog!" He had felt bad about leaving Spike, and couldn't wait to see him again. He clapped Arthur on the shoulder. "We'll be back soon. Will we both be sleeping in my room?"

Rose stepped forward, a little nervous. "Matthew can sleep in the guest room. I think that would be best."

Following his boyfriend outside, Matthew waited until they were far enough from the house to not be heard. "Alfred... Do they... Do they know we are together?" He didn't forget that Dr. Hughes said it wasn't common for men to love men, or even socially acceptable. Most of all, Matthew didn't want his lover's family to hate him for turning their son gay, or for being with him.

"I just told mom. She was obviously surprised, but said she will treat you as one of the family." Alfred smiled, putting his hands in his pockets. "She's going to tell dad for me, so he has time to calm down." It was a great feeling for his family to meet his lover.

"Your mother is very caring Alfred. You don't know how lucky you are to have your family." His family was also nice, and Matthew wished he could have introduced Alfred to them. Obviously it would never happen though, since they were both dead and he wasn't sure what happened to Francis. "But... I hope your father is ok with it... He seems very hard to impress, but I wish to be on his good side without him hating me." He could tell that Mr. Jones didn't like him too much already because he was French.

Alfred found Spike and ran up to him. "Yeah, dad can be a hard ass sometimes, but he's a nice guy. Mention how much you like learning how to read English and he will love you forever." Although, if he found out Matthew was learning how to read, he might just spend the rest of the trip with some Shakespeare.

Crouching to pet the friendly dog, Matthew smiled. "I hope he will like me. I don't want your family to feel as if they have to put up with me." Maybe he would take Alfred's advice. He hadn't read any famous books, but maybe Mr. Jones would show him some that he could then borrow from the library.

"Don't worry, they will love you. After all, they raised me, and I love you." He stood up, going to put his arm around Matthew, but then pulled back. "Before I forget, mom says that she doesn't want any showings of affection."

Pausing, he asked. "C-Can I hug you quickly now then?" If he wasn't allowed to do things like that, he wanted to do it now. Not that he was going to kiss Alfred in front of them anyways. He would be much too nervous.

Not answering, Alfred just stepped forward and wrapped his arms around him. It was really too bad they wouldn't be sleeping in the same room, after having done so for so long. But it was understandable, considering.

Holding him for a second, Matthew pulled back. "So... What else can you tell me about your family? I want to know so if there is something I shouldn't talk about, I won't."

"Don't spill grape juice on the floor." Alfred shivered from the memory. He had been in trouble so long for that one.

Laughing, Matthew pet the dog more as it sat beside him. "I will make sure not to do that." Hopefully there were no other taboo subjects that he wasn't already aware of. Obviously mentioning France around his father would be counter productive, or saying they were gay for each other. "_You are very much like Mimi." _Matthew said to Spike in French, wanting to get out all of it before going back to the house. When he was nervous he would slip into it, so he hoped he wouldn't around Arthur.

After a minute more of petting Spike, Alfred stood up and wiped off his pants. "Well, if we leave them alone much longer, mom will have made much more food to fatten you up." He laughed and helped Matthew stand up.

Matthew let Alfred help him stand up before walking back to their house. "There are only a few things that are very different about your home here. Other than that, it is very similar to my old house in France. We mostly had chickens though as well as a vineyard."

"Cool. We have a chicken. But only for eggs." One year, Arthur had gotten a turkey that he was going to use for Thanksgiving. Alfred had set the turkey free, not wanting it to be eaten. They went inside and went into the dinning room. "We're back. Supper?"

"It's already on the table!" Rose said, looking through the doorway from the kitchen to the front room. "Don't forget to wash up before coming to eat you two."

Nodding, Matthew turned to Alfred. "Where is the bathroom so I may wash my hands?"

Pointing, Alfred went into the kitchen. "Need any help? I'll clean up after." Because he was home, and it always used to be his job to clean up after supper. He picked up a plate full of bread and started to bring it to the dinning room.

"Oh, no you won't. You and Matthew still have to unpack!" Rose said, glancing to her husband to make sure he wouldn't say anything opposite. "How does he like Spike? That is a fairly big dog compared to your skinny... friend."

"He has put on a lot of weight already being back here. He's not wasting away." At least not anymore. But it used to look like he could be blown away in the wind so easily.

* * *

The rest of this scene in the next chapter, sorry.

So... we ended up maki9ng Alfred's mom like Mrs. Weasley... *facepalm*


	22. Chapter 22

Coming back from the bathroom, Matthew was greeted by the sight of a laden table and Mrs. Jones ushering him to the table. "Thank you very much Mrs. Jones for all this food, but I don't think I can eat very much. I'm not very hungry right now."

"Nonsense lad." Arthur spoke up from the head of the table where he was already sitting. "You can eat as much as you want. Everything is a family recipe. Well, from Rose's side of the family."

Sitting down, Alfred laughed. "You might be able to get away with the whole 'I'm not hungry' thing at home, but here, you eat until it's coming out of your ears." But he didn't mind, because his mom was just such a good cook.

"Don't be telling him that." Rose said, lightly hitting her son's hand. "So, Matthew, would you mind saying grace?"

"I-I don't know if I could..." Matthew stuttered, looking at Alfred. "I can't really th-think of things in English like that very well. I never learnt the proper way to say them." He turned his attention back to Rose. There was no way he was going to say he knew ones in French, since he didn't know if Arthur already knew if they were gay or not. If he did, then it wouldn't be the best thing to 'provoke' him more to dislike him.

Looking longingly at the food, Alfred folded his hands. "I'll do it. Thanks for the grub, Amen." Then he picked up his spoon to start eating.

Rolling her eyes, Rose looked at him. "Always so impatient." But she started eating as well, which signalled the rest of the table that it was alright.

Matthew waited for Arthur to also start eating before helping himself to a small bowl of soup and a couple other dishes. They all looked and smelt delicious so much that he knew he was going to have to stop himself from gorging. "So... M-Mr. Jones..." He started softly. "When I came t-to America, Alfred taught me to read English."

"Oh really? Well then, I should teach you the proper way. He never listened to me when I was teaching him." He spoke such horrible English, it really was a wonder how he was related to Arthur at all. But, their cooking skills were identical, so obviously they shared the same blood.

Seeing that Alfred was getting ready to retaliate, Rose spoke up. "Now boys, don't start a fight now in front of Matthew. He doesn't need to witness one of those."

"That would be nice, Mr. Jones, but I wouldn't want to impose on anything." Plus he was somewhat nervous to be alone with him. Not that he felt that Alfred's father would do anything to him, but more that he was scared just because he was intimidating.

Shaking his head, Arthur put down his spoon. "Nonsense. You are family now, and perhaps if you learn better English, it will rub off on my son." It was great that Alfred was living with such a nice boy. A little strange to have two men living together, but as long as it didn't bother them, he didn't see the problem.

Jumping in his seat at the 'family' comment, Matthew looked to Alfred. Did he know now? Alfred just frowned at him, not understanding what he was trying to ask without saying anything. "O-Ok. That would be very nice."

Nodding, the Englishman continued eating. "So how did you two meet in the war? Was Matthew in the French army?" They hadn't really been told much about it over the phone. He didn't really look like a soldier though. Too... nice.

Looking to Alfred for help again, he slowly explained. "Actually I... I was a 'prisoner of war' if you will..." He didn't feel comfortable telling his lover's father that he was in a concentration camp in Germany, so he waited to see what Alfred would say.

"He was in a concentration camp." Alfred said bluntly. Most things he had to say bluntly to his father, or he wouldn't stop asking questions about it. "We freed it, and I saw he was hurt, so I helped him out." It was the complete truth, and left no space for questions where they didn't want any.

Nodding, Arthur looked at Matthew. "I am very sorry. I have heard of those camps; awful things." He didn't ask about his family, because obviously if he was here and they were there, it was bound to be a difficult subject for the boy.

Matthew paused for a moment before nodding once. "Thank you." The silence at the table became oppressive as they continued to eat. The only sounds were that of the cutlery hitting the plates. "The food really is delicious Mrs. Jones."

"Call me Rose dear." She corrected him, smiling to try and clear the heavy aura. "So Matthew, do you like living in America? Is it much different than Europe?" Hopefully it was a benign subject for the smaller blond, and wouldn't hurt him.

Smiling to also try and create a lighter mood, he said. "America is very nice. It is very different than Europe in some ways, but very similar too. Here, especially in New York all the buildings are very tall."

The dinner continued, the conversation light and pleasant. When it was done, Alfred and Matthew offered to do dishes. "Oh, no dears, just go unpack. You must be tired from travelling." And she would get a chance to tell Arthur about their relationship. She had wanted to wait for night, so he would have longer to cool off before talking to them.

"Matt, I'll show you to the guest room." Alfred said, picking up their bags. Luckily the guest room was close to his room. Once inside, he put the bags on the bed. "Now, if you have a bad nightmare, two doors down is my room, alright?"

Glancing to the floor, Matthew murmured. "I want to sleep with you but I know I can't." It wouldn't be very good if Alfred's parents didn't know that their son was homosexual and that he was his lover. "Can we at least talk in your room together?"

Smiling, Alfred put his arm around Matthew's shoulder. "Sure, I would like that."

In the meantime, Arthur finished washing the dishes as Rose dried and put them away. "Matthew is a very quiet, but good man. It seems strange that Alfred would have become friends with someone like him." It was also nice to see his son, but at the same time they usually fought which made their reunions strained. Matthew also seemed to help with that.

Nodding, Rose slowed down a little. It was most likely that they would all go to bed after this, since they had a fairly late supper. So maybe now was the right time. "Alfred told me something when he first came here, you know." She tried to sound like it was casual.

"Hm? What did he say luv?" He asked, raising one of his monstrous eyebrows. "It better not have been something rude about me, since that lad knows it will come around to bite him in the arse."

Laughing, Rose put the glass she was holding away. "You still crack me up. But it wasn't about you. It was about him and Matthew, actually." She was still hesitating saying it, because even after being together for so many years, she wasn't sure how her husband would react.

This intrigued Arthur even more. "What was it exactly?" If they were moving out of the country he would be somewhat sad that his son was leaving, but he was now old enough to make his own decision. It was obvious by the fact that he brought home a war refugee from a concentration camp.

Sighing, she looked at Arthur. "Alright, I know what you will think, so promise me that you will give it a lot of thought before you talk to either of them. Dear, our son is homosexual."

"He's what?" Arthur snapped, glaring at his wife. "No, our son isn't. He can't be. He was raised to be a good, Christian husband. There is no way he likes men!" Why did this have to happen to him? Was this the ultimate way of getting back at him for trying to raise Alfred properly? Is this what he got for running his son out of his house at sixteen?

Patting his shoulder, Rose smiled. "Now, now, don't get all worked up about it. He says that he only likes _Matthew_. They are lovers, Arthur." It was still strange, but this was her son. Her precious son, who they raised from birth. "Matthew is a good boy, you admitted it yourself. Just let them be happy."

"But... My son..." Arthur put his head in his hands and held onto his hair. "Why me? Why us? Why couldn't he just found a nice, pretty Dutch girl and brought her back? Then we would have grandchildren at least..." He straighted up as his face turned determined. "I have to talk some sense into that boy."

"No." She said, her voice firm. Rose might be the woman, but when she used that voice, no one argued. Well, Alfred tried sometimes. "Arthur, he is in love. And, you never know. Maybe they will fall out of love in time, and then he will meet a girl and have kids. But they also might stay together for twenty seven years, like us." She smiled, amazed at how much time had gone by.

Wiping the water off his face from his hands, the Briton shook his head. "How can you let this happen? They are in our house, and their relationship is a sin! It doesn't matter if they are in love, it should have never happened!"

"But it _did _happen! There is nothing you or I can do now. If you forbid it, you know he will go against you and do it anyways, just like when he was a boy, and he will hate you for it." Rose finished drying the dishes and sat down at the table, waiting for her husband to do the same. "Alfred is an adult. We can't tell him what to do anymore."

"What went wrong then? So what if Matthew was in a concentration camp? He would have been fine if he was saved and then taken somewhere safe. Our son didn't have to fall in love with him! I can't let Alfred be with a man. I will never forgive myself." Even if her words were cutting right through his heart, he was raised that a man loving another man was a terrible sin. "Rose... I don't know what to do..." Arthur really couldn't do anything but talk big. If he did talk to Alfred about it, he couldn't stand to see his heartache first hand.

Knowing what he was thinking, she covered Arthur's hand in hers. "I know, honey. I know. But you have seen them together. At the dinner table, even if they weren't really close, their eyes were hardly away from each other, always wanting to make sure the other was alright. It is strange, but I don't see we have a choice but to accept them." She had been amazed her husband hadn't picked up on the feeling. "Unless you want to disown your own son."

Turning his hands into fists, Arthur grit his teeth. "You know I can't do that... Even if he left when he was sixteen. I know it wasn't because of me... But I can't help but feel it was my fault partially with all our fights. Why can't I be a better father? All I wanted was to raise him to be a proper gentleman..."

"Can't he be a proper... gay gentleman?" Rose asked, giving a small smile. After all, from what they had seen, their son was nothing if not a gentleman. He had taken someone he knew nothing about and taken him in, out of the goodness of his heart.

Sighing, all the tension released itself from his body. "I can't accept this right now, but I will overlook it and treat Matthew with respect. I will talk to Alfred about it though." He wouldn't necessarily talk him out of it, more than just ask why it happened.

Squeezing his hand, Rose smiled, the skin at the corners of her eyes crinkling. "That's all anyone can ask for. You are such a good father."

Arthur shook his head but said nothing about the comment. "Let's go to bed. They... Aren't sharing a room, are they?" He would never forgive himself or Alfred if the two of them did things of that nature under his roof.

Laughing, she shook her head. "Why did you think I said he should stay in the guest room?" She stood up, going to their own room. Although, their rooms were fairly close together. "I also made Alfred promise that they wouldn't do anything."

"Good." Holding onto his wife's hand, he squeezed it gently. "I love you, you know. There isn't a women out there that compares to you." Even if his son really was gay, he was proudly straight. "I will talk to Alfred about this before he leaves with Matthew. I won't force anything on him... But I want to know why he wants to sin like this."

"I know, sweety. Just don't get into a fight." Whenever they started fighting, it went on for far too long, and everyone was involved. Willingly or not.


	23. Chapter 23

Luckily last night didn't bring any nightmares for Matthew, but now that he was sitting at the breakfast table with Alfred's family, it was almost worse. Mrs. Jones was trying to pretend that everything was ok, yet she kept looking at Arthur. He on the other hand was glaring angrily at his porridge and seemed incapable of making eye contact with anyone but Rose. Alfred as normal seemed fairly oblivious as he smiled over at Matt. "W-Would you please pass the eggs?" He stuttered, looking to his plate.

"Here you go." Alfred said, handing the plate over. He had been lonely last night, his bed just not seeming complete without Matthew there. But they would be able to sleep in their own bed in just over a week. "So, I'm guessing mom told you." He said, directing his question to his father.

Immediately Arthur choked on the bite of toast. "T-Told me what?" He asked, hitting his chest to stop the pain. It was better to pretend as if he didn't know so that he wouldn't explode and scare off Matthew. Unless... He was the one that made Alfred gay. Rose did say that it was only the French boy that he liked.

"Can we not talk about this at the dinner table?" Rose asked quietly, knowing she would be ignored.

Leaning closer to Matthew, Alfred smiled. "About us, of course." And he put his arm around his shoulders, smiling at his father. This wasn't really considered a showing of affection, was it?

Arthur sneered despite himself as he looked back to his food. "I would rather you not flaunt your _relationship_ with Matthew in front of me."

Looking to Alfred, Matthew lightly tried to pull away like Arthur said, but Alfred held him fast. "Alfred, m-maybe we should listen to your father..."

"Please dad, accept us. Mom has, so why can't you?" Alfred wasn't smiling anymore, but when he realized he was holding Matthew who was trying to get away, he let go. He didn't want to force him, of course, but he wanted his father to be alright with it.

Slamming his palms onto the table as he stood up abruptly, the Briton just sighed. "I can't talk to you right now." Pushing away from the table, he calmly went to their bedroom, rage bubbling just under the surface. He thought that he was going to bring the topic up by himself with Alfred, not him say it so casually.

Matthew watched as Arthur walked away. "I-I don't th-think that was a good thing. _Please accept us one day_." He added in French under his breath.

Sighing, Rose started collecting the dishes. "Don't mind him, Matthew, he will come around. I think, for an unexpected son-in-law, you are the best we could have hoped for." Not that they had hoped for one at all, but at least the one to turn her son gay was such a nice boy.

"Thank you Mrs. Jones. I... I'm happy I was able to meet you. It would be nice to let you meet my parents but..." He stopped, looking to the table. "May I help you clean up?"

"Nonsense. You are a guest, Matthew, sit, rest." She grabbed Alfred by the sleeve. "My son will help me, won't you?"

Laughing, Alfred stood up and went to the kitchen. "If you want you can go outside with the animals." He said behind his shoulder to Matthew before going with his mother to the sink. "So, thanks to breakfast I don't really need to ask, but how did it go last night?"

Matthew went towards the door to outside to give them room. In his opinion it would have been better if Alfred told them before they came, but as long as they knew it worked. He really didn't want to let it slip though if they didn't know. Still, there was no way that Matthew couldn't feel like the one to blame for making Alfred's father upset as Spike ran up to be pet.

As he was outside and thinking things through, Rose was handing the washed dishes to her son to be dried and put away. "I tried making sure he was comfortable with you two, but you really shouldn't try to push him. Your father is having enough of a hard time being ok with the fact you are gay, never mind accepting it." Even she was still a bit off on the fact they were together, but it was painfully obvious that they did truly love each other.

Alfred sighed, thinking it over. "I guess. It's just that I have known it for so long, I guess I forget that it really is a big pill to swallow." But he loved Matthew so much, and he really wanted them to understand and love him too.

"I understand sweetie. You just need to remember that not everyone will try to accommodate you two." Grabbing his hand, she added with a sad smile. "You need to talk to him. Tell him your side of the story. Just tell him what you told me. You two are in love even if it isn't normal, your father can't change it. Try your best to keep him from being too upset."

Matthew was currently petting Bessy as he tried to forget just how angry Arthur seemed to be. He didn't want his boyfriend's father to hate him, but he could understand just why he might. After all, he was the man to turn his son gay. The bi-speckled blond didn't even know if his own parents would be ashamed of him or not.

Walking outside with a metal bucket, Arthur went to go milk the cow. When he saw _him _there, he hesitated, not sure if he could risk it. But, Bessy usually got angry at him if he was late for milking, and besides making his son gay, Matthew seemed like a nice enough boy.

Hearing someone walk up to where he was with the bovine, Matthew jumped when he saw it was Alfred's father. "H-Hello Mr. Jones. I'm sorry, I'll leave now..." He added before looking to the ground as he back up.

"Nonsense, boy. You don't have to be afraid of me, for goodness sake." They were going to have to get along, really, so there was no reason for him to run away. Hopefully it just wouldn't end up talking about sexuality.

Swallowing, Matthew wanted to say how he felt he still should be afraid but obviously didn't. "O-Ok..." He stuttered, not quite sure what to say to Arthur after what happened at breakfast. He still couldn't make eye contact with the man, nor could he bring himself to think of anything intelligent to say.

Getting a stool, Arthur started getting ready to do this. "Have you ever milked a cow before?" He asked, just trying to make conversation. He was a gentleman, after all, so he should always try and be polite, no matter the circumstances.

Still petting the large cow, Matthew nodded. "My brother was usually the one who m-milked the cow, but once when he was sick I did it for him." He had enjoyed taking care of Francis when he had been sick, although he had been worried he would make Matthew sick as well.

"I hate milking cows. It gets all over my hands, and it hurts my back. Not to mention the smell of everything." It was just horrible. But, they lived on a farm, and after Alfred left, it became his job. He always did it though, not wanting to unleash the wrath of his wife.

Matthew nodded again. "I underst-stand." He really didn't want him to be upset for any reason since Arthur seemed to be the type who became extremely angry when provoked. "Is th-there anything you would l-like me to do? Fetch you something t-to drink?"

Sighing, Arthur looked up, putting off the milking. "Matthew, I am sorry about this morning. I want you to know, I'm not angry at you. You really don't have to be so scared." He seemed to be stuttering more than normal, after all. The Englishman needed a good talking to with his son.

He wasn't angry? "I'm sorry." He forced himself not to stutter or slip into French. "It's just..." How did he say he was scared of new people when he was Alfred's father? "I can't meet people very well. I'm incredibly shy..."

Giving a smile, Arthur nodded. "I understand. Believe it or not, Alfred was shy when he was a kid." It was probably his fault, keeping the boy on a farm. Maybe that was why he left at such a young age. The Brit knew that whatever the reason, he was at least partly to blame.

"A-Alfred shy?" He asked, taken aback. But Alfred was always so outgoing and happy! How could he have ever been shy? How did he live without being the optimistic, outgoing man he was now?

Laughing, Arthur went back to milking the cow, the milk going everywhere. "I know, it's hard to believe. But he was. Always hiding behind his mother. Obviously he has changed."

"Alfred is very nice to me." He stated, blushing lightly as Arthur tried to hide his grimace. "I...I'm sorry if you don't approve, but... he saved my life. Wouldn't you care about someone who did the same for you?" Matthew felt extremely self-conscious bringing the topic up, but he knew it had to be addressed.

Arthur sighed, knowing this had been coming. "Yes, I suppose I would care for them." But not fall in love with them. There was a very large gap between being incredibly grateful, and being willing to go to bed with them.

"I don't l-like men." When he saw Arthur about to reply, he continued. "I only l-like Alfred. He to-told me he is the same with me." Maybe it would help him if he knew they just loved each other and not just men in general. "I'm a-also catholic."

Lifting an eyebrow at all the sudden information, Arthur didn't look up from his task. "I believe his mother mentioned something about that." Well, they only loving each other, not about him being catholic.

Seeing that Arthur was unresponsive, Matthew blushed more from admitting that to Alfred's homophobic father. "I k-know it's not normal.." He whispered, having flashbacks of all the men who used him and complained afterwards that they were dirty, even if they came back for more another day.

Looking up, Arthur sighed. "Sorry, Matthew. You probably think I hate you or something. I don't hate you. It's just that... How could my son be gay?" If it got out, they would be ignored by the whole city, and Alfred would probably be hated by everyone. He could even be beaten up, living in New York! That wasn't the type of life he wanted for his only son.

"His h-heart is in the right place. Without him... I would be one of the bodies that were f-found in Germany or dead somewhere in Ukraine. And... And I really do love him." Plus as far as he could tell, Alfred had a couple of amazing friends who would stick behind him at a moments notice. Even Dr. Hughes has told him Alfred cared for him, and he was straight yet supportive.

Looking at him, Arthur stopped milking, deciding it was enough for now. "Are you sure you aren't simply confusing thankfulness for love? From what you say, he did an awful lot for you, after all." He was hoping it was true. That would solve so many problems.

Choking back his anxiety, Matthew shook his head. "I'm sorry Mr. Jones. I didn't want him to take me with him, and I didn't want to live with him and be a burden. After..." He paused with a shuddering breath. "After what happened to me, I didn't want to trust anyone. I trust your son. And you, s-since you raised him." Sure he was scared, but he still trusted Arthur not to do anything to him.

Obviously he hadn't raised him well enough. "Well, that is nice to know. How old are you? You can't be older than Alfred." He really wanted to get on a different topic than how much his son's boyfriend loved him.

"I'm twenty three sir..." He said quietly, looking off to the side at the ground. "I was born in Les Quesnel, France and I work at the public library in New York." Sure it was more information than what Arthur asked for, but he figured he would cover his bases.

"Oh, you work at a library? That must be a wonderful job. What do you do there?" Working with books all day would be much better than working with cows. But of course, when his mother had brought them all from England, she had gotten a piece of land, and this was what she made of it.

Glad the conversation turned lighter, Matthew hesitated before looking at Arthur. "I am a page; that is, I put the books back on the shelf. I also started reading them when I taught myself with Alfred's help."

Nodding, Arthur stood up and started walking back to the house. "I can respect that." Now, Matthew had two marks against him. He was French, and in a relationship with his son. But he also had two marks going for him. He was a nice boy, who worked at a library.

Following in his wake like a duckling, Matthew murmured. "Please sir, Mr. Jones. If you can't accept us... Can you at least tolerate it? I don't w-wish to be your enemy. I d-don't want to steal Alfred away from you and your wife."

Turning around to look at him, Arthur wasn't sure what he should be feeling. "He moved away when he was sixteen. Circumstances already took him from us." Not to mention him having to go off to war, making a boy turn into a man no matter their age.

Now the tears pearled in the corners of his eyes as the former Briton stormed inside. Matthew didn't want it to come to this, but he couldn't leave the topic alone until it was decided. There was no way he could stop loving Alfred and he sincerely hoped that his lovers father would see that and tolerate it if not accept.


	24. Chapter 24

Going into the kitchen, Arthur saw Alfred and his wife at the sink. So that was why Matthew had been outside. He loudly put the milk on the counter, lightly glaring at the back of his son's head. "I will be upstairs." He said gruffly.

Rose turned around just as her husband stomped up the stair with barely contained rage. Looking to Alfred and Matthew, she hesitated before drying her hands. "You two can stay here. I'll go talk." She was ok with them to a point, but she didn't want to think of the things they did when alone.

Finishing up the dishes, Alfred sighed and turned to Matthew. "You didn't have to talk with him, you know. I was going to before we left anyway." He hadn't wanted his lover to have to deal with his dad when he was angry.

"I-I didn't want you two to fight though..." Matthew stuttered, feeling better by just being close to his boyfriend. "I wanted him to like me..." But that wasn't going to be happening any time soon with how Arthur reacted to what he said. "Did I tell you I was catholic?"

Shrugging, Alfred shook his head. "Does it really matter? You don't seem to practice anything regularly." But if he wanted to, he would still support him. Even if it was even more strict on homosexuality.

"No... I just th-thought you would like to know more about me. I didn't get many chances to practice in the camp between m-men." All his emotions were in a turmoil and all he wanted to do was lose himself in Alfred's arms and scent. Obviously that wasn't an option though as they stood in the kitchen of Alfred's non-supportive family.

Lifting a hand, Alfred put it around Matthew's shoulder and brought him closer. "Did my old man make you cry? Seriously, he is the most insensitive person ever." He had known that it would be a struggle getting his dad to accept them, but was up for the challenge.

"No..." Matthew started, leaning into the touch. "I just... I didn't know what to say to him. I want to stay together, but he's making my mind spin." A pause was held before he spoke up again. "Can we go outside?"

"Uh, sure." Alfred wasn't sure why he wanted to go outside, but oh well.

Pulling himself away from Alfred, he opened the door and went outside. Looking around, Matthew decided on going back to Bessy's barn since he remembered not being able to see the house from there. "I-I'm sorry... I just w-wanted a hug."

Laughing, Alfred smiled. Matthew always made him so happy. Going forward, the American lightly wrapped his arms around the body in front of him. How could his father not understand why they were in love? But he would make the old man see, so it didn't matter.

Bringing him closer, Matthew squeezed tightly and buried his face in Alfred's chest. "I just thought... We won't be able t-to do this for a while." He kind of wanted to ask for a kiss, but that would be pushing it seeing as they were already treading on thin ice.

"True. If dad saw us, I think we would be cooked for dinner, and he is a worse cook than I am." It was a good thing his mother was so good at cooking, or else they both would have starved when he was a kid. "I'll try to talk to him later today. Maybe it will work."

"I hope so... I don't want him to hate me or you." Which was the truth since Matthew made a habit out of making a good impression with people despite being shy. "Please don't fight with him. I don't want to see either of you angry."

Rolling his eyes, Alfred pulled away before they were seen. "I can't promise we won't. You don't know what he's like! He's so stubborn and narrow minded! He didn't let me date as long as I lived in his house!" That had been one of the reasons he had left. Not that he had listened to the stupid rule anyways.

"At least you know he cares about you. Your father could have let you do whatever you wanted and then you wouldn't have become the person I fell in love with." Matthew looked over the expanse of the barn with a small blush. "Maybe we should go back before they get suspicious. Or should we wait for them to talk?"

Shrugging, Alfred started walking. "I doubt she will get anywhere with him, anyway. He's determined to be a grouch till the end." It wasn't that he hated his father, it was just that he had forgotten how overbearing he could be.

Matthew followed after his lover until they were back in the house. "He just wants to keep believing what he has all his life. I can't imagine he is too trilled to find his son is 'sinning'." Even if they hadn't had sex yet, they were still gay together.

"It's not a sin to love someone." Alfred grumbled under his breath, kicking a stray bucket. And besides, didn't the bible say that everyone sinned? So really, if his dad was mad at him for sinning he should be mad at humanity. Well, he pretty much was, so that wasn't a good argument.

Placing his hand lightly on Alfred's arm, Matthew whispered. "I don't care what they say, I can never stop loving you. Especially after all you have done for me. Without you, I would be deathly afraid to see new people." Not to mention scared of a bunch of other situation, but he got the gist of it. "Just... Let him believe what he wants to and we can continue our relationship without hurting anyone. If th-that's what you want..."

With that beautiful face so close, Alfred couldn't help it. He moved forward, planting a quick kiss on Matthews lips after checking that they were alone. "Alright, sounds like a plan." Even if the whole point of telling his parents was so that they would know about them, but oh well.

Matthew blushed as he looked around. It would have been terrible if one of his parents saw that. "I love you Alfred. Please don't forget that." He whispered, a small smile on his flushed face.

"Alright, we should get inside, or they will think we're doing more inappropriate things than hugging." Although, maybe it would help matters if they found out that him and Matthew hadn't gone all the way yet. Not that they didn't want to, but they might be able to use that unfortunate night to their advantage.

Nodding, Matthew let go and started walking back to the house. "I want to get closer with your family. Maybe... Maybe they can be like my parents too?" It would be nice to have a family again with the man he loved.

"Yeah, that would be good." As soon as they got inside, Alfred looked for his parents. "Um, I'm going to find my dad so we can talk. You can spend some time with my mom."

"Ok, good luck Alfred." With that, his lover smiled at him and walked deeper into the house. Sitting down at the table, Matthew ran a hand through his hair before smiling sadly when Mrs. Jones came into the kitchen. "Hello."

Going into his parents room, Alfred saw his father doing some embroidery. "Hey dad. Let's talk."

"I know I can't stop you when you are determined so fine, let's talk." Looking up from his craft, Arthur stared at his son with a blank look. He had enough talking about gayness for the rest of his life, and he knew that was what Alfred wanted to talk about as well.

Sitting on the bed, Alfred took a breath. "But we can't talk like father and son. We're going to talk like adults, because I have been through too much to be called a kid." There were too many boys that had been forced to grow into adults already.

"Fine. If we talk about something other than your current living arrangement. What was the war like?" He asked, knowing full well his child wouldn't stick to the topic.

Frowning, Alfred sighed. "I don't want to talk about that." He really didn't, he thought the only one he could talk about that would be Matthew. "Now, we have to talk about this. You obviously don't approve and I don't want us not talking because of this."

"I already said I'd tolerate it as long as nothing happened under my roof. You can't expect everything to go the way you want it to Alfred. If we're talking like adults, then you can surely see that. Be glad I'm not disowning you." Not that Arthur ever could, but he was fairly disgusted with his son's choices. At least Matthew wasn't some gay Euro slut Alfred found partying in France.

Leaning forward, Alfred put his head in his hands. "Come on, you have to understand love. You love mom, I love him. What's the difference?"

"The difference is that your mother isn't a man. Alfred..." He squeezed his fists tightly. "I know I can't change your mind, so I'm going to pretend like this didn't happen. Matthew is just a close friend and you wanted us to meet him. As long as you two don't make anything apparent, I'll keep out of your business."

Looking away, Alfred tried to keep his voice level. "Don't worry. The way things are going, I don't think we will ever go all the way." Which he was fine with. They got to be closer than they were before, so it was alright with him if they didn't go farther.

Narrowing his eyes, Arthur let the comment slide. Standing up, he held out his hand. "I wish it never had to come to this, but I am a man of my word. If this was a dealing between adults I wish to shake on our deal."

Smiling, Alfred shook the hand, before pulling his father into a hug. "Thanks, dad. You always wanted a more polite son, anyway."

"You better bloody believe it." He grumbled as he hugged back briefly. Arthur didn't want to imagine Matthew and Alfred doing this as well so he pulled back. "I may as well teach Matthew to read properly now. Maybe I can introduce him to Shakespeare."

"He would probably like that." Alfred said, still smiling. Finally, his dad seemed like he understood, at least a little.

"Don't look so bloody happy about it." Arthur grumbled as he went out the door. He wanted to have a daughter in law, not a polite son. Though, maybe he could convince Alfred that his cooking wasn't as horrible as he said. After all, he could make scones.

Following him out, they found Rose and Matthew in the living room. With picture albums. "Oh mom, don't show him those!"

"Don't be silly. He loves seeing these." Rose said, pointing to another picture. "Alfred never liked wearing pants until he was four. It would be the middle of winter and he would be running outside completely naked."

Matthew blushed as he looked at another picture. "You were very cute when you were little." He smiled, his eyes searching Alfred's face to see how their talk went. It seems like he was happy, but he didn't want to push his luck saying something.

"Alright, no more pictures." Alfred said, trying to take away the albums. He didn't want his boyfriend seeing his butt when he was a kid!

Arthur watched the procession with crossed arms. He would take Matthew in as a son, but not as his son's other half. There was no way he would ever be completely fine with it, but that wasn't because he was stubborn.

"Mrs. Jones, it's ok if Alfred doesn't want me to see any more." Matthew tried to help his boyfriend but to no avail. She continued to look through the book for the most embarrassing ones of Alfred. If only his home hadn't been destroyed, because then he would have pictures of himself as a child as well.

"How many times do I have to tell you, just call me Rose." She laughed, finding one of Alfred covered in mud from head to toe. "He had tried to wrestle a pig, believe it or not. He was always such an energetic boy."

Smiling politely and from seeing Alfred covered in mud, Matthew shook his head. "If Alfred doesn't want it, maybe I should stop seeing all his pictures." Even if it was adorable to see that the glint in his eyes was there even as a child. It was so difficult to imagine him being shy.

"Yeah, I agree with that." Alfred said, laughing. Who would want their boyfriend seeing pictures of when they were kids anyway?

Still watching them, Arthur cut in. "Matthew, we should let Alfred and his mother have some time. I was thinking about introducing you to Shakespeare. Perhaps Hamlet. To be, or not to be, that is the question. Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune or take arms against a sea of troubles."

"Just try not to bore him to death. And remember, English is his second language." Alfred laughed, knowing his father. But it didn't matter, because they were now accepted by his family.


	25. Chapter 25

Matthew made short work of packing up all his things from the small room. He was somewhat glad to be going home, but he would miss Rose and even Arthur if they still didn't quite see eye to eye just yet. Picking up his bag he left the room and went over to Alfred's. "Do you need any help?"

"No, pretty much done." Alfred said, putting the last few clothes in his bag. "How much you wanna bet that mom will make you eat something before we leave?" He laughed, pulling up the zipper. Their plane left in a few hours, so they were going to leave soon. They both couldn't wait to get home again.

Smiling he sat on his bed. "Seems like it would be something she would do. I'm glad she didn't see me when I first came to America. Not to mention that I would probably be scared of your father." Even now he was imposing but he wasn't scared of being attacked by him.

Laughing, Alfred agreed. "Well, how do you think Mimi is doing?" They had left her with Matthew's boss. Apparently he had a lot of cats, so didn't mind taking care of one more for a while. Hopefully she wouldn't get into a fight.

"I hope she's ok with Heracles' cats. I really miss her. She's like our daughter after all." Looking over to his boyfriend, he quickly hugged him.

Laughing, he hugged back. "Well then, she gets the hairiness from your side of the family." After all, he _was_ French. "If you're finished packing too, we should say bye to mom. Knowing dad, he's hiding. Always hated goodbyes."

Nodding, Matthew stood up and grabbed the small bag of his things. It would be sad to leave Alfred's family house but it would also be really nice to sleep with Alfred again. There was one nightmare when he was out here, but he made sure that he wouldn't run to his lover for comforting. "Do they ever visit you in New York?"

"Not really. Mom thinks it's too fast and dad hates crowds." The country really suited them, but not their son. Alfred loved the quick pace of the town. He put his bag over his shoulder and headed for the door.

Matthew followed him out the door and into the living room. "That's too bad. I think your mother would like Mimi." Arthur might too, but Matthew didn't want to put strain on their tense relationship. At least they were able to make up somewhat so that they could be civil around each other.

Smiling up at the two young men, Rose felt tears in her eyes. "I can't believe you're leaving already. Are you sure you don't want to stay another week?" It had been so long since she had seen her boy, and now he was going to be gone already!

"Sorry, mom." Alfred smiled, leaning forward and kissing her on the cheek. "Maybe we can visit again some other time."

"I will miss you Mrs. Jones, but Mimi is probably missing us now." That and he felt bad for not helping with chores and such while they were there. It would be nice to go home again. "Maybe Alfred and I will visit soon."

Smiling over at her 'second son', she smiled. "That would be nice. Now, knowing your father, he is as far from here as possible." It was amazing the lengths Arthur went to so he wouldn't have to say goodbye.

Smiling apologetically, Matthew murmured. "I don't think he means anything by it." Especially since they were gay, he could understand why Arthur wouldn't like him very much.

Laughing, Alfred shook his head. "No, nothing like that. He just gets emotional when people are leaving and doesn't want people to see that." When he left home, Arthur had gone all the way into the next town, saying he needed to buy milk, even though they had a cow.

Not quite sure what to say or do, Matthew just looked to the bag in his hand. He didn't want Alfred to rush because of him, since it was obvious that he would miss his mother and father. At least, he would if his parents were still alive.

Patting both boys on the shoulder, Rose gave a sad smile. "Well, I guess you should be off now." She could feel tears prickling at her eyes, but tried to keep them at bay. "I can tell your father that you said bye already."

"I'm sorry Mrs. Jones. I would like to visit again some day." Matthew looked up and smiled faintly. "I don't want to miss our flight though."

"I know dear. Take good care of my son, Matthew. And Alfred, you make sure to feed him more. The poor boy looks like he hasn't eaten in forever!" Well, not really that bad, but he could still use more weight.

Rolling his eyes, Alfred gave her a hug. "Tell dad I love him. I love you too."

Not wanting to tell her that he was the one that cooked all the time, Matthew nodded before hesitating. "I-I will." All he could think of now was getting back home to see Mimi and be able to be around Alfred without worrying about being 'gay'.

.oOo.

Stepping over a sleeping cat, Heracles went to his door. "Sure, wake me up on a Sunday." He mumbled as he opened the door. Then he saw his coworker. "Oh, hi. What's up?" Why was he here? There seemed to be something about them leaving...

"Hi Hercules... I'm sorry if I woke you up, but we wanted to get Mimi..." Matthew trailed off, looking down to their feet. With all the cats around he was amazed there would be room for one more.

"Oh...Mimi, right." The brunette looked around at all the cats. There was an extra? Which one was it again? Maybe he would just be allowed to keep it. After all, cats are like potato chips, you can't just have one.

"Can I come in to get her?" Matthew could tell he wasn't quite sure which was Mimi. Even if it would be less nerve wracking with Alfred there, it made sense he would stay with the cab.

Shrugging, Hercules nodded. But soon a black cat came walking up to them, and seemed to know Matthew. "Well, seems you don't have to." This was probably Mimi, he hoped at least.

"Mimi!" The blond exclaimed, crouching down to pet her a bunch before picking her up. "_He was nice to you, right_?" He asked her in French. "Thank you for looking after her. I will see you at work this weekend." Matthew smiled as he placed Mimi in a carrying case.

"Cool. See you then." If he hadn't noticed Mimi, then maybe it was time to get another one. There was a tabby on his way to work that never looked like he had a home...

Nodding, Matthew said a quick goodbye as he left the steps up to Heracles' house. It didn't fail him to think about just how wonderful it would feel to finally be home again. Even Mimi was purring and rubbing her head against the bars to be pet after not seeing Matthew for a week.

Climbing back into the cab, he placed Mimi in between the two of them before grabbing Alfred's hand discretely. "She's just as excited as I am to be going home."

Smiling, Alfred pet her head through the bars. "Yeah, probably. Well we're close to home, so we'll be there soon." He would miss his family, but he would really like being home too. To be able to show his love for Matthew again.

Matthew couldn't help but have his heart swell as he pet Mimi as well. They were going home, and that meant they could properly hug and kiss without having to worry about Rose or Arthur coming in the room and seeing them. It was going to be nice to be able to love each other again. And with 'that night' behind them now, he couldn't help but wonder if he was ready for that show of love just yet.

They got back to the house, Alfred getting all the luggage and Matthew carrying Mimi. As soon as they got there he let her out and they watched her run around a little, tail high in the air. "I think she missed it here." She stopped and rolled on her back right in front of him, so Alfred bent down to pet her.

"We all missed it." Taking a deep breath, Matthew smiles as he slowly exhaled. "I have only been this happy to be home again twice in my life now." That was how special being around Alfred with no restrictions made Matthew feel. They had Mimi who wouldn't judge them and other than that, just themselves.

Smiling, Alfred stood up and put his hands loosely around Matthew's waist. It was nice to be able to do this now. "And what was the first time? Back in France?" Maybe they could cuddle on the couch for a while before going to sleep. After all, they were still used to country hours.

Matthew nodded as he pressed himself against Alfred's warm, muscular chest. "Mhmm. When I first went to Paris with Papa I was so happy to be home. There were tears of joy in my eyes as I kissed Mama on the cheek and gave Francis a hug."

Ruffling the long hair, Alfred smiled. Even if he was still walking with a limp, and had horrible memories from the war, he was completely happy right then. Matthew in his arms, and even Mimi curling around his leg just made everything perfect. "Well, I think I'm still full from the last meal mom made us, so how about we watch some television?"

"That sounds perfect." And really, it did. Matthew never expected he would be able to trust another person so throughly as he did Alfred for the rest of his life. But now the prospect of falling asleep beside his lover after cuddling was divine.

They both went to the couch, followed closely by Mimi. "I hope the Three Stooges is on. Mom and dad are so in the past they don't even know what a television is." Alfred said, turning it on and going back to sit down. Really he didn't care what was on as long as they could watch it together.

As soon as Alfred was sitting, Matthew wrapped himself around his lover. Barely watching the television, he nuzzled against the crook of the American's neck. Maybe this time he could do it. Being unable to show their affections made him realize just how strongly he felt. Even with his terrible past, he was ready to trust Alfred with his mind, body and soul. "Alfred." He whispered as he kissed his neck. Next, the small blond moved up to kiss the corner of his lips.

Smiling, Alfred immediately forgot about television. "Mm, yes?" It felt so good to be able to touch again. After _that night_, they had been slightly awkward still, which was the main reason he had planned that trip. Obviously, they were now back to normal.

"You know that I love you, right? And that I trust you completely." Matthew added, nosing the pulse in Alfred's neck. His leg had moved up on the couch to start straddling the oblivious blond from the side. With a small brave lick again, the shy blond kissed him.

Kissing back, Alfred didn't want to pull away but knew he had to. "Of course I know that. Why else would you have tried so hard? And I love you too, more than I have ever loved anyone." It was really amazing just how much he actually did love Matthew.

"Then... Will you try again with me?" It felt different than last time, because he didn't feel like he had to do it. Sure he would still be nervous with being prepared, but he could only get over it with Alfred.

* * *

So there are probably only two chapters left. And just to let everyone know, schoolgirl-cheesesculpture is back from Quebec, so hopefully we will be able to write more. After this story is finished, we will probably start posting another one, if anyone is interested.


	26. Chapter 26

Taking a breath, Alfred nodded. If Matthew wanted this, there was nothing he could do. "But we should probably go to the bed. It wouldn't be very comfortable on here." He was still a little worried about what happened last time, but all he could hope for was something better.

Matthew nodded before standing up. Holding out his hand to help Alfred, he brought them together to kiss again before moving to the bedroom. This time it was going to be different since he would be in control somewhat. "Maybe..." He started as they sat on the bed. "Maybe I should be on top."

"Ok. But you said last time that you have never played the 'man'." It would probably feel really weird, but he didn't feel alright making Matthew do it if he didn't want to.

"I meant that... I should be on top of you. So I don't get nervous. I think it's called 'riding'" Matthew blushed as he got closer to his boyfriend. He really wanted this now and he knew it was right since he didn't feel like they had to keep busy or he would get scared.

"Oh, ok that works." They sat down on the bed, Alfred leaning back, pulling Matthew down on top of him. "So like this?" He lifted his head, kissing him quickly. Now he was thinking that this might actually work out.

Nodding, Matthew shifted to make it more comfortable. It was very foreign for him to be on top of another person like this, but it was better than having his past haunt them as they tried to be intimate. "Good." He mumbled, pushing his wavy hair behind his ear so it wouldn't cover his face.

Taking off his own glasses, Alfred then reached up and took off his lover's, putting them both beside the bed. "Now I can see those eyes." It was really amazing how they were such a dark blue, they almost seemed purple. "Now what?" He wanted Matthew to decide everything, so they wouldn't go out of his boundaries.

"Kiss?" He asked before leaning down to brush his lips against Alfred's. It was more sharing breath then an actual embrace which almost made it more intense. "Please don't be nervous for me. I... I'm ok. _Je t'aime_."

Screwing up his face, Alfred laughed. "That better not be an insult." Even though he pretty much knew what it meant, having heard it so much. But they still bonded their lips again, trying to give each others feelings through senses.

Their kiss was soft yet with an edge of what was going to happen. Slowly Mathew slid his hands to Alfred's sides as he rested his full weight on his muscular chest. "I would never insult you." He whispered as they broke apart for a second.

Lifting one of his arms, Alfred rubbed his lovers shoulders and pulled him down more so they could deepen their kiss. It was so nice to be able to do this without worrying about his parents seeing.

Not quite sure just what to do now, Matthew decided to let his body do what it wanted. Apparently that was to make his lover feel good as he slowly started to roll his hips as they continued to embrace. Hopefully Alfred would feel good from all of this and he would be able to show how close they were. Close enough that the time in the camp wasn't still affecting his life almost a year later.

Giving a moan into the kiss, Alfred pulled away. He really hoped they wouldn't stop now, because his need was starting to press up against his zipper. "So what now?" As nice as it would be to just kiss, they both knew this had to go somewhere.

Stopping, Matthew focused on Alfred's bright, inquisitive eyes. "I can't use my mouth... But maybe my hand?" He asked, wanting to make sure Alfred was feeling pleasure. As long as it was his choice to give it, then Matthew was ok. It was all ok if he was in control.

Laughing, Alfred shook his head. "What? I was just thinking getting naked. Don't you want to keep all the pleasure for the main event?" And even though Matthew apparently won't get pleasure from the sex, he could still use his hand to make it better.

"Oh, ok." Sitting back on Alfred's legs, Matthew slowly lifted his shirt off his lithe body before leaning down to kiss Alfred. He didn't want the other to see all his scars again since it was fairly emotional the last time. At the same time, he slowly ran his hands under the shirt to rub the muscular chest before sliding it up as well.

Running his hand lightly up Matthew's chest, the American smiled. "You are so perfect." He was, always had been. They were perfect for each other, it was so great they had found one another. For once, a war brought people together.

Shaking his head, Matthew corrected. "I'm getting better, not perfect. I'll never be perfect." Still, he couldn't help but slip off Alfred's shirt before going for his lovers zipper.

Closing his eyes for a second, Alfred smiled as Matthew's hand brushed his growing need. "No, you are perfect for me." He briefly thought about the fact that this would be the first time his lover would see him. Not that it mattered, he wasn't shy.

Smiling sadly, the smaller blond collected himself before undoing the zipper and button. It was quite obvious that Alfred was enjoying this which made Matthew happy he was the one to make him feel good. Raising himself, he silently asked for Alfred to raise his hips as he tugged on the jeans. "I love you Alfred. I want to do this with you. I want you to feel good."

"I want you to feel good too. I'll make sure you do." He lifted his hand, running a finger right about Matthew's jeans. He lifted an eyebrow and was rewarded with a small nod, so Alfred started undoing the baggy pants.

Before he could stop himself Matthew shut his eyes tightly as the hand went to his pants. It wasn't until he opened his eyes again slowly despite the small tremor in his body that he remembered just who he was with and how much he wanted it. Obviously he needed to see Alfred so he wouldn't feel as if he was back in the camp with all the nameless soldiers. Though, that was why the smaller blond needed to be on top; so he could be in control of what was happening to him.

Unzipping the jeans, Alfred still kept his eyes on Matthew. If they looked away, then he wouldn't know who was doing this, so the American made sure to look him straight in the eyes. This also gave him a hint for when he was feeling uncomfortable.

Sure their eye contact was strange, but it made Matthew feel much more comfortable as he slipped off Alfred in order to pull his own and his lover's pants off. With both of them down to their underwear, it was quite obvious to the European that Alfred was aroused by this; helping Matthew feel more comfortable in the fact that he knew he could pleasure his boyfriend. Maybe when he was done Alfred would help him feel good too... "I-I'll prepare myself." He said suddenly, kneeling between Alfred's legs.

Giving a short nod, Alfred thought back to the last time. He had started to stretch him, and that had caused his lover to freak out, so it probably wouldn't be good for things to repeat themselves. Then he saw Matthew looking down, and realized just how turned on he was. Awkwardly putting a hand over it, he gave a nervous laugh. "Um, just ignore that..."

Matthew shook his head. "No, I am g-glad I make you feel like that." Sure it was awkward but he wanted to do this so Alfred felt good. If he was already, then what Matt wanted was coming true. Hesitantly reaching over to the side table, he took a bit of the hand lotion in his palm. Without looking away from Al he slowly pushed down his underwear before blushing as his legs spread.

Taking a breath, Alfred tried not to be affected by what he knew was happening. After all, if Matthew saw that he was so easily turned on, then he might think he was like... _them_ and would act on his urge. So, as far as the American was concerned, he wasn't imagining himself going where those fingers were, he wasn't wishing he had a mirror there, and his need surely wasn't trying to rip out of his underwear.

Pulling his underwear down further, the slick finger circled his hole a few times before slipping in. Matthew winced but continued to move it in and out in order to get himself slicked inside as well as stretched. Since it was his own finger, it was better. "I love you Alfred." He breathed as he hooked his finger to make his entrance wider. Occasionally he would do it to himself so that if someone decided to use him that night he wouldn't be hurt as much.

"I love you too." Alfred said, lifting a hand and rubbing Matthew's shoulder for comfort. "Are you ok? It doesn't hurt, does it?" He was determined that if it started hurting his boyfriend, they would stop. He didn't want him feeling any pain, after having felt nothing else for so long.

Once again he shook his head. "No, just strange. I'm not used to it any more..." Though that wasn't really something he wanted to talk about while they were trying to make love for the first time. "I will tell you if I am uncomfortable." Another finger slipped in which made Matthew groan lightly from the small ache.

Still a little worried, Alfred tried making everything more comfortable. "Is there anything I can do? Do you want me to... help?" He felt like a useless idiot, lying there watching his lover finger himself. But in this situation, he wasn't about to do anything that Matthew didn't like or didn't want him to do.

"Help?" Matthew questioned, looking at Alfred with half-mast eyes. Did he want to help stretch him? "Ok." Maybe it would help him get over his fears. Well, as long as they could see each other. Without Alfred's face present in his mind, he knew he would easily lose it and not be able to do this. That was why he was going to go on top of Alfred and make him feel good like that.

"Really? Alright..." Alfred said, unsure of what to do. Yes, saying he could help was one thing, but he wasn't really sure what he was going to help him do. Did Matthew want him to help stretch him or help him feel better? Maybe he could give him another hand job...

Sensing Alfred's apprehension, Matthew swallowed his own before reaching for Al's hand. Taking it, he balanced on his knees with two fingers up his hole and placed the large hand on his semi-erect cock. "I will feel good from this." He whispered; his voice shaking slightly. He wanted this with Alfred since they were in love. It was nothing like the men at the camp, nothing at all.

Smiling lightly, Alfred nodded. He knew how to do this, so it was alright. He started moving his hand along the shaft, twisting his grip a little. He was relieved when he felt Matthew start getting harder. That meant they were both alright, and it wasn't going to end like last time. He was starting to get really apprehensive, wanting to avoid anything that would remind Matt of the camp.

In another moment of bravery the smaller blond rested his hand beside Alfred's hip as his two fingers started to pull apart to stretch himself. "Please kiss me Alfred." He whispered, his voice catching in his throat. "Please... I need you."

With his free arm, Alfred pushed himself up a bit so they could kiss, just as asked. Given the situation, it was fairly slow and sensual. Usually, at this point, he would be kissing mostly out of need and pleasure, but this was for reassurance and love.

Pushing his fingers in deeper, Matthew gasped when his third slipped in. Now it started to burn and not in a good way. All he could do though was ride it out and wait for the pain to drift away. At least, he was allowed that pleasure with Alfred, since they were in love. They loved each other, which was why Matthew could push himself to get better for his lover.

Seeing the discomfort, Alfred tried to make him forget about it by tightening his hand. He knew what he liked, and tried to duplicate it on Matthew's cock. It seemed to be working, because it twitched slightly. "Are you still ok?"

Making a sound of confirmation, Matthew squeezed his eyes shut for a second before looking back to Alfred's worried face. Without thinking he reached up with his free hand and put it on his cheek. "I'm ok. I love you. I want this. I want you to make my bad memories go away."

Smiling, Alfred gave a nod. "Alright, then think only of me." He kept moving his hand, trying to make Matthew feel good so he _would_ only think about him. He felt his muscles tense up, so he was expecting what came next; a burst of semen followed by a few less sporadic waves.

Gasping again, Matthew let out a small keening whimper before putting his hand back to the bed. "I'm sorry about the mess. I'm almost ready. Just a few more seconds." In just a bit, he would be stretched enough to take Alfred inside him. Obviously his lover was ready too, since the bulge in his underwear was quite obvious.

Nodding again, Alfred lifted his hand and licked some of the sperm off. "Don't rush yourself. We don't want you to hurt during it." Maybe if Matthew just kept his fingers in longer, it wouldn't hurt him at all. That would be good.

Swallowing subconsciously at what Alfred was doing to his hand, Matthew nodded as he continued to thrust his fingers inside him. It wouldn't be a nice thing to make Alfred wait any longer, especially since he was already so hard there was a wet patch forming on the front of his underwear. "I'm not rushing. I-I just want you to feel good." Matthew got to cum, so it only made sense that his lover would have the same pleasure. Hopefully he could give Alfred just that.

"But remember, I want you to feel good too." It would be great if he could use his mouth on Matthew, so that he would feel even better when they were having sex, but for obvious reasons that would be impossible, so he would have to settle for another hand job.

Taking his fingers out with a groan, Matthew shifted back to pull Alfred's underwear off. Breathing deeply, he looked down at the engorged member and thought about just how it would feel inside him. It wasn't going to be a stranger, it was with his lover. If it was Alfred, it was all ok. The slight pain was worth it for him. "You already made me feel good. I don't need any more. I love you Alfred, and I want to show you."

* * *

Sorry for being such a tease! But I promise, next chapter is the real thing. As well as the last chapter.


	27. Chapter 27

Biting his lip, Alfred took a breath. Yes, he wanted this, but not if it was at the expense of his boyfriend. "You know you don't have to do this. I already know you love me, and I love you. We don't have to do this." If only his member wasn't so hard already, then maybe his words would actually sound believable.

Kissing him, Matthew crawled back onto Alfred's lap. "I know you want this and I want to give it to you. Please let me Alfred. If it starts to be too much, I promise I'll tell you. Let me make you feel good. I want... I want to make love with you." Sure he was shaking a bit, but it was mostly because he was hovering over top his lover's hot, tumescent member.

Not being able to argue with that, Alfred gave a small nod. Kissing him again, he made sure to show as much of his love through it, so Matthew would know without a doubt that he was different from those men in the camp.

Bringing a hand down between them, he grasped the twitching cock lightly and rubbed a bit of the lotion left on his hand on it. It was more to make it easier for Matthew, but judging by the soft groan it felt good for Alfred as well. "_Je t'aime_." He murmured as he slowly lowered himself. This would be the moment to make sure he was actually ready for this.

Holding his breath, Alfred let it go as he saw Matthew pause and start to shake. He was torn in three, his physical self wanting to go through with it for release, his mental self knowing it would be best if they stopped, and his emotional self wanting to comfort his boyfriend. Lifting a hand up, he caressed the smooth cheek. "It's alright, Mattie, I'm right here."

"I...I know." Matthew murmured as he looked down into Alfred's eyes. This was his boyfriend. His lover; the man who had helped him gradually get back into society. If he couldn't prove his love and devotion this way, then nothing else would do for him. With just a narrowing of his eyes, he left himself slowly be penetrated by the shaft below him.

Alfred couldn't help giving a low moan as he felt that tight heat over his head. But was it too tight? He wasn't sure what was normal for this type of thing. "Are you alright? Does it hurt?" He asked, concerned for his lover. Ah, but it felt so great to be inside him!

Matthew held himself steady so he could allow his body time to adjust to the length after not having anything in there for so long. This was the slowest anyone had gone with him though, so it helped him remember just who it was. "A-Alfred... Keep t-talking please... I need to know it's you."

"I love you, I love you so much, Mattie." He wasn't sure what to say, so he just kept repeating how much he loved him. That should prove beyond a shadow of a doubt that it was him, because he was fairly sure that the German soldiers wouldn't say that.

Nodding for both of them, he continued to shift down. Centimetre by centimetre he sank down until his thighs were touching his calves and the entire length was sheathed inside him. "_I'm ok_." Matthew whispered to himself in French as his voice and body shook more out of restraint than fear.

Almost shaking himself with need, Alfred had to force his hips to not thrust up. But he was now all inside, and it felt amazing, though what he needed most of all was friction, not just heat. Of course he couldn't say that, and all these thoughts were crashing in his mind, filled with Matthew. "Are you alright? Does it hurt?" He asked again.

Not trusting his voice yet, Matthew let himself rise up a bit before grinding down for an answer. It didn't hurt nearly as much as he remembered - especially the last time before Alfred saved him- but it held an edge. Still, just seeing Alfred's eyes glazed over in lust and hearing his concerned voice gave the smaller blond confidence that he would be fine.

"Oh God..." Alfred whispered, not being able to help it. It just felt so good, he thought he was going to die. But this wasn't for him, this was for Matthew. "Matt, kiss me please." They were too far away, they should be closer. It would have been better if their bodies could be pressed together as close as physically possible, but this position didn't really allow for it, so they would have to compromise with this.

Doing as he was asked, the small blond leaned forward and matched their lips up. It wasn't very long until his movements started to go faster as he realized he wasn't going to be hurt by Alfred. Well, he knew he wouldn't do it on purpose, but he wasn't sure if just his cock inside would hurt. Still, it was hard not to get scared if his eyes were closed and he couldn't see his flushed lover under him.

They pulled back for air, Alfred giving a low moan. Had sex ever felt this good? He was sure it hadn't, so why was it so amazing this time? Matthew was still speeding up, giving him the friction his physical self needed so very bad.

Matthew closed his eyes as he started to move faster. He didn't really mean to, but it was more a reflex now than anything to keep his eyes closed so he wouldn't have to see the man who was violating him. That thought combined with having Alfred inside him made his breathing start to increase. His mind frantically tried to tell him it was just Alfred, but his body started to shake again as he continued to move faster. If the man felt good quicker, than he would be allowed to sleep. Everything would be fine. Matthew wasn't going to be hurt if the man felt good. A small, unstable whine left his throat as his eyes and throat started to squeeze closed in fear.

"Matt!" Alfred yelled, seeing the sudden change. He lifted his hands, placing them on Matthew's face. He also tried moving backwards so that his cock, as hard as it was, would fall out. "Mattie, it's me, it's ok, it's me. We're stopping, alright? It's over." But he couldn't actually get his member all the way out in this position.

Opening his teary eyes, Matthew looked down. His lover was so distraught with his 'attack' that he wanted to stop. "N-No, I'm ok. I want you to feel good Alfred. I just need to see you." He choked out, shifting his body back down onto the hard shaft. "You n-need to feel good as well." Alfred gave him a hand job so he could have sex with him to make him feel good.

Dropping one of his hands, Alfred took a breath. "Are you sure you're alright? We can stop if you want." But he was making it very difficult to say that, with Matthew going back on his length again. "You have already made me feel good."

Shaking his head, Matthew placed his hands near Alfred's chest so he could move faster and harder against the length. "You h-haven't cum yet." Now that he was staring down at Alfred's face, he wasn't upset. It was only when he shut his eyes for too long that he couldn't handle it. His mind would substitute in a German soldier that had raped him in the past instead of his lover.

"I-I could just finish myself, you don't have to." If only his pulsing member wasn't contradicting his words so much. Why did he have to be so turned on by this? But there was no way he wouldn't be, of course. "I love you Mattie, that won't change if we stop."

Once again he shook his head. "I want to make you cum." He said simply as he rhythmically contracted himself against Alfred. Maybe it would make- His thought was cut off suddenly as he let out a weak moan. What was that? Alfred wasn't touching his cock, so what was the feeling of pleasure that spread slowly through his body?

As Matthew paused his actions, Alfred once again started worrying. "Mattie? What's wrong?" But he didn't really look like he was afraid or in pain. What was it?

"Something felt good." He stated simply before grinding against Alfred. Once again, the same feeling washed through his body as his cock twitched. How could he feel pleasure from having something up his hole? "I didn't think..."

"It feels good for you?" Alfred asked, completely confused. That didn't make sense, did it? "That's great!" So he wasn't the only one who felt pleasure! This was amazing! "What can I do to make it feel better?" He lifted an arm, bringing it to Matthew's slightly bobbing cock and gave it a few hard strokes. He wanted him to feel as good as possible.

Groaning from the strokes, Matthew moved again. "Th-There's a spot... If I h-hit it, it feels good." He did it again and was rewarded with the same feeling of pleasure. "I didn't think I could feel good from sex..." Now it made sense why he would feel strange sometimes. The other men just wanted to feel good so they didn't worry about hitting the spot inside him.

Alfred felt so happy that his lover was feeling good. He tried moving his hand faster, to make Matthew feel as good as he could, because he deserved this. "I love you, God I love you so much, Mattie."

"I-I love you too Alfred. _Je t'aime tellment."_ He whined as he continued to get pleasure from both the hand on his manhood and the cock inside him. It was strange, but it made it even easier to remember he was doing this with his lover and not a stranger. And... Was he going to cum from this? That would be the first time just sex had ever made him feel so good. Normally he would be jerked off roughly by the man or have to deal with it when they left.

Letting out a low moan, Alfred felt his hips thrust up a bit, and was rewarded with a similar moan from his lover. Soon, he felt Matthew tense up again, and watched as he came for the second time that night. He had given him so much pleasure, mainly just from behind! That thought alone brought the American over the edge.

Now that they were both spent, Matthew's movements became slower before collapsing onto Alfred's chest. Now that they had finally become intimate, the smaller blond was all but attached to his lover's sweat slicked skin as they both panted off their high. "I love you. I... I felt good too; not just you like I thought."

"I know, that's great." Alfred held onto him as well, feeling his now-limp cock fall out. They had done it, finally. "I love you, you did wonderful." Now, Matthew was truly healed. His past would not affect them anymore, now that they had done this, gone this far.

Feeling the cum leak out made Matthew twitch before he relaxed himself. It was his lover's essence, not the rapists. It was the evidence that they were in love and not of a brutal act. Sighing in contentment, Matthew looked down Alfred's chest at his body. It was still a bit awkward to do so, but he let his eyes rake the attractive body until he saw a small scar on the inside of his thigh. "What happened?" He asked, running his fingers lightly over the scar.

Eyes going wide, Alfred tried scooting back from the touch. If Matthew kept touching there, he would get aroused again. "Fell out of a tree when I was a kid." He laughed, thinking how much that story paled in comparison to his other scars.

"Oh." He whispered, letting his hand run across the rest of his leg before resting on his chest where his head was laying. "I really do love you Alfred. If it wasn't for you..." He trailed off, instead nuzzling against his heated skin. "I want to feel good like that again one day. Maybe we could try again later?"

Laughing at how cute he was being, Alfred nodded. "Of course. Whenever you want." Excluding when they were out in public or when he was at work, obviously, but he was sure Matthew would keep to times that were convenient for both of them. Like whenever they were home, for example.

"Ok." Matthew murmured as his eyes started to slip shut. "Thank you for letting me be close with you. I know what making love is like now."

* * *

Well, that is all, I am sad to say. We would like to thank all of you for coming with us on this journey of these two men, and while Matthew may not be completely healed, he is well on his way.

For those of you who read our other stories, I will let you all know that we should start posting another story on Friday, and if not then, Saturday. Check it out if you are interested. Hugs and kisses to everyone who reviewed, and also to those silent readers out there.


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